Help me live my dream

I know a lot of people are probably worse off than me. But in my heart believe that i need a break too.

I am a woman and i do a lot in the line of work i do, with over 165 testimonial letters, news paper articles and over 60 testimonial videos. I am not bragging, i am merely stating that i give my all living out my passion.

But sadly i lost all faith. I just dont believe in anything anymore. Let me tell you why and by some miricle i hope someone out there listens.

My whole existance is my work, i work with pride, my children and my husband. These are the 3 things i live for. My best friends were my parents whom sadly passed away.

You see in 2014 my youngest daugher was 4 years old and diagnosed with a rare kidney disease called Nephrotic Syndrome. We were in and out of the hospital non stop till 2017 and each time medical bills pilled up and we could no longer keep up.

2017 both me and my husband lost our jobs. We sat with a sick child, no medical aid, no income and we merely survived through the help of friends and family for 22 months. For 22 months we didn't sleep, stressed about our sick child, finances and work.

In 2019 we won our case and it were determined that we were wrongfully relieved of our duties and we got reinstated. But we still sat with an anormous amount of debt. During the 22 months my mother and father were our fanancial saviours and as if we did not go through enough, my father passed away, this broke me beyond repair.

He was my rock and i fell into a deep depression, having to get pshychological help and then i became ill and was diagnosed with RA and placed on a cancer treatment for life.

2020 Covid came into place and added to the stress and if i still havent been through enough, a day after my marriage anniversary my husband broke the news to me that he went off the loyal path. This floored me as my husband is my world. I almost ended up taking my own life, because the torture of 22 months suffering, financial stress, medical stress and my husband and my fathers passing just simply became too much.

2021 August my other rock my mother passed away, the owner of the house we rent at, wants to through us out on the road. We have to eat at my in-laws, because we can not afford food, i have to beg around for petrol money for us just to get to work. We simply cant afford all the debt and still survive.

So on a daily basis i ask myself, why me, what have i done to deserve so much pain and troture. Am i not good enough and when will someone ever listen, as it feels like no one is.

I struggle to sleep, i have lost all hope and faith. Like now i am writting this email too you, but with little or no hope.

Although i dont have faith, i still have to try in order for my children to have a normal life again. Even if it is just to make them smile and happy. I had to lie to my children and say we are working this Christmas, because i can not give them a Christmas.

So please if there is someone out there that will hear me, it would be appreciated.

My debt is about 200 000. Even paying off a portion of it will help and mean the world too me.

Please consider my wish.