Trying Not To Lose Everything.

My Problem:

Excuse me while I swallow my pride first.  I'll give a rundown of what brings me here. A very abridged version.  I have, in what seems a blink of an eye, lost everything. Or at least got myself in a situation where I will lose everything very shortly. And yes, I mean very shortly. And I can't believe I am sitting here about to beg strangers for help for someone that they have no reason to even care about. But, I don't have anywhere else to turn so here I am. After apparently meeting the wrong people, I am ready to have to close down the doors of my store &, like said, lose everything, business & personal alike. If you care to know more, read on. Pass it on, even better. I'm just desperately trying to avoid the inevitable & bounce back.

Rewind:

A year and a couple of months ago I packed up everything and moved to Florida. I took everything I had and relocated 1300 miles away from everything I know & put everything I had into a business. This was a very hard move, but I felt I needed to start over & make advances in my life. A family member had a very tragic accident several years back & I have been in neutral since then.  But, I decided to make some bold decisions & not hold myself back. Scary, but necessary. At least to me.

Fast Forward.

Well, that blew up in my face. I did get the store, I could have done much better, but I am a first time business owner & am positive I now have the knowledge & experience to do better going forward. I mean, I went into this teaching myself everything & walking with hope in lieu of eyes. In the course of a year I became a young small business owner in a completely unfamilir environment & hey, even made personal strides forward. Worked to lose almost 70 well needed pounds in that same timeframe. Anyways, it was hard, but I was getting by. A married couple approached me asking if I would like to sell my store. I said I would consider it, but my store is not listed for sale so it would have to be beneficial to me if I wanted to sell. They understood & wanted to talk more. Turns out, they were NOT willing to pay what I would want in order to leave so I let it go. No rush. At that time.

The Turn Of Events:

But of course, tis life, now things change. My mother has not been 100% and, long story short, is having a surgery in mid July and will be out of work for a little while. After what transpired with my brother a few years back, hearing this will be happening while I am over a 1,000 miles away is the one type of situation I hoped would not happen after I moved.  So. I called the couple back & said I would accept your offer now, I would like to go back home. Not saying I would move back forever, but I wanted to be back for the time being. I'll do something different with a business down the line. This is mid June at this point. They were always ready to take over as soon as possible, so I was optimistic.  

Skip To Now:

NOW, as I type this, my lease is due tomorrow, my rent is due in a few days, I will NOT be going home to see my mother, and I am dwindling down on inventory & sales are dumbfoundingly low. All within a matter of weeks things flipped upside down. This couple, I guess as any business people would do, tried to haggle me down more & more. Down from what they already offered me, presumably because they want to take advantage of a 24 year old first time business owner who's closer and closer to being in a pinch. IDK. I said I would not be taken advantage of & I would just list my store with my broker if that's the case. The next day they scramble trying to get in touch with me & not lose the deal. (FYI-I hadn't nearly enough time to actually list my store & sell it in time for July 1st now but I was NOT about to have games played with me either.)

The Screwjob:

Despite the prolonged negotiations, these people seemed genuinely interested & not bad people, just businesspeople.  Monday the 25th, I agree to an offer, we would just have to work out some details....now...a storm comes & they are unavailable because of flooding in their home. The 26th: We will call you back tonight. The 27th: I'll be there in 20 minutes. 8hrs later, my kid got sick I had to turn around. The 28th: I am not feeling confident here. WTH? I give them my landlords number, they speak to him, now the husband is coming by to finally agree to some final terms. It takes a while, but we finally did by late that night & shook on it. I was to call my lawyer in the morning to make an appointment. The couple were to come by & leave a deposit & sign a purchase agreement. All my fears of being strung along, the freaking out over things not working out dissipated & it would all be ok. I can even make it back before my moms surgery. Yay! The 29th: No one is here. No one is picking up my calls. Again. "I received an emergency call last night & I flew out of state. Family in hospital"...wait, WHAT?! From 8:30 last night to noon today you received an emergency & are 1,000 miles away conveniently when you are suppose to  finish this deal with me? You'll see me next week?! I asked to get a phonecall to let me know if I can forget about this or not. "I don't want to be insensitive to your supposed situation but I ask that you not be insensitive to mine as well". No response.

HUH? WHAT? HOW????

The rational side of me says, no way I can be getting screwed here. They gain nothing. They have nothing of mine, gain nothing by screwing me like this. They spoke to my landlord, he mentioned he believes they are very serious. I can transfer my lease. By stringing me along to where now I have little inventory (b/c why would I spend money buying inventory to GIVE it away to the new owners, I'm already selling the store less than what I got here for in order to be able to leave quickly) which means I have dismal sales, which means EVERYTHING is due & I. have. no. money. And now I have no money to MAKE money. When did this happen?! Debt is knocking at my door just. like. that. All the time, money & work I put into being responsible, brave & not buying frivolous things or blowing my money means nothing. I have nothing.

The common sense side of me says: YES, DUH. You got screwed. They sabotaged you. Maybe to put you in a position where you'd be willing to take anything just to not go bankrupt or maybe so you WOULD go bankrupt & have to close shop where they can just open the store themselves. (FYI-I'm in a sought after tourist shopping location, a lot of people want to have a business where I am) Maybe they're just horrible people who simply do not care to call you & say we can't do business anymore (assuming all these convenient events are true, for all I know they very well could be....right?). AND I can't assume everyone is a genuinely good person, after all. As much as I would love to be naive just to not be that bitter skeptical individual that thinks no one & nothing can be good or honest, I doubt. (As such, I am doing everything within me to not just post their names & numbers on here, I swear...)

Now What?:

It's The 30th. I have nothing. I will owe everything if something doesn't happen. What can happen? Realistic odds are...oh my god...nothing! I contacted my broker & let's see if a random angel businessman wants to buy a clothing boutique asap...riggght....In the mean time I have thousands of $$ of bills due in a matter of days...actually hours, even better. The most responsible cautious one in the family now is spiraling towards complete & utter failure, & what? Now they'll have to worry because of my failures? Now I have worked I don't even know how long, 7 days a week, 11 hours a day. Obviously can't pay an employee now. Stomach's grumbling. Can't Eat. No food anyways. All I want to do is sleep. Can't Sleep. Want to cry. No energy. Can't help but feel humiliated. Don't want anyone to know. Can't breathe. Haven't felt this scared & helpless since I was watching my brother in a hospital bed for 6 months creeping towards death. Motorcycles are stupid btw.

HOPE:

So here I am. Unfortunately. Begging for help from strangers. After what I am pretty sure has been a week of panic/anxiety attacks I almost slapped myself to calm down. And I literally hand wrote myself a letter. Does that make me crazy yet? Here it is:

God didn't let me down when my brother was at death's door. I have faith that this is a learning experience & I will be seen through in the way I am praying for, or, I must take the less desirable door #2 & start from less than nothing, but still come out alive. Some, or all I suppose, of this has to be attributed to myself. Some of this I would love to attribute to an unfortunate encounter with bad people. That doesn't help any, does it? The only control I hold now is how I accept it & to push through no matter how hard it is. My brother doesn't complain about the hand he has been dealt. I have learned, maybe punished for all I know, I mean, we can ALWAYS be better...Don't think like that, you know you are a good person. This will only ADD a great chapter to my life's story in the end. I will complete my goals yet. I will get back on my feet & do even better than expected. Stay STRONG. NEVER give up. STOP. FREAKING. OUT. Love, Me.

To think, when I opened a business I was hoping it would lead to better business opportunities in time, and maybe I could help my grammie go on those trips she never went on, and maybe I could help my brother achieve whatever goals he has, or my mom could just be treated instead of always doing for others. 

So as I bounce back & forth between trying to stop my heart from racing & stopping at the same time & trying to calmly accept the almost certain bleak turn of events ahead of me, I look at the AC that conveniently just decided to break & the light fixtures that decided to crap out on me & think...at least my blind eldery pug/shi-tzu has plenty of food & not a care in the world. And at least Usher & Led Zeppelin still sound good to my ears. And at least WWE programming still puts a smirk on my face.

Things could be worse. But I really wish they were better.

I will try to personally forward this on to individuals that I respect and hope they too pass it on. But for now, excuse me while I tend to this customer reaming me because an item she wants ISN'T 50% off as she would like while she has absolutely no clue in the world what is going on in my life. And I'll try (no promises) to do it with a smile on my face.