I am here because I am desperate to improve my situation. I am barely working, deep in credit card debt and live in a dangerous neighborhood. So although I am embarrassed and ashamed to do so, I am here asking (begging) for your help.
I have always been a great student but a few years ago there a sudden death in the family. It's a feeling that you think you can but can't understand until you have to. It felt like my brain turned into mush and my body was hit by 18 wheeler. The constant pain turned my world upside down so I dropped out of school with 8 credits to go.
Now, I wish I didn't and that I just continued to pursue my degree but I just couldn't. It's like I wasn't really present, like I was on auto pilot, a brainless zombie. Now in 2020, I am so mad at myself because that choice caused me to spiral down to my rock bottom.
Before Covid-19, I was working two jobs as an assistant teacher and waitress. Although assistant teacher doesn't seems like that bad of a job (because it's not and I love working with kids SO much), I only get paid $12.50 an hour. Serving at the restaurant definitely helped with the finances but not much. I was able to somewhat push through, paycheck to paycheck.
During quarantine, I was able to work remotely at the school but I was not working at the restaurant. Now I am just serving twice a week since the school year is over. But I have to be honest, I am on the struggle bus here and it is embarrassing. I am too embarrassed to ask for help from family of friends. I just don't want them to be disappointed in me like I am disappointed in myself.
I am also $30,000+ in credit card debt and my credit score is beyond poor. Therefore I was unable to qualify for loans.
I still owe my taxes($800+) that are due this July that I have no idea how I am going to be able to pay.
My car is falling apart and needs an oil changes and breaks (since you can hear them squeak from a mile away).
Although I was able to find affordable ($699 a month) apartment, it is an extremely high crime area. After moving in I actually found out that there was a quadruple murder a few years ago in the exact apartment that I live in. QUADRUPLE MURDER! Since I am beyond scared to live here, I got a pit bull puppy, I walk around with pepper spray and a taser at all time. My door also has 3 locks which may seem a bit extra but I am a scared 115 lb girl.
So I am desperate to get out of here but I don't have many options here. I know that I need to go back to school and to pay off my debt. I need to do this so that I can improve my life because I can not live like this much longer.
But I am dying to go back to school to finish my degree. My dream is to eventually work with elementary students who struggle with behavior. I want to work with the students that are labeled as the "bad kids" that everyone just gives up on, that no one wants to work with. They are the kids that need help most. They are dying for some love, understanding and guidance. I have worked with many students like this in the past, and I have seen incredible changes. Students, who were violent, who kicked me and bit me and ran way, transformed to mindful individuals that asked for help when starting to feel frustrated or angry. I believe that changes like this at a young age can positively impact their entire future. I want to be that person that is unconditionally there for them. Considering this dream, after completing my degree I would like to either get my teaching certificate through Teach for American or go to graduate school for social work. Since I have attended therapy and are taking medications, I know that I am mentally ready to continue my education.
So I am asking from the bottom of my heart for your understanding and help. If you are able to, can you please assist me (and my 8 month old pit bull puppy) financially or with your time or advice? In return, I am willing to help with any cleaning, babysitting or office work. I will use your donations to pay my rent, bills(especially credit cards) and to register for class. I goal is to one day purchase my own home too.I hope you can help me start over and to fix the mistakes that I have made in my past.
Thank you so much for time and understanding!