I am in trouble. 15 months ago, I reached out to you for help and you answered the call in the most amazing way. I felt I could do anything after all the love and support you showed me. I thought I would never see those dark days again. Yet it turned out that even though I had some high profile gigs, I worked even less in 2016. So, I got a day job, budgeted, cut expenses, sold my stuff, prayed and tried to stay positive. I never let on how much I was still floundering. Everyone is struggling, especially artists. Who am I to whine about it? And now here I am even more ashamed and mortified than before. I keep trying to remind myself that I have a marketable talent and I’ve just hit a rough patch, but it’s become urgent. I am desperate, alone and I need your help.
I had a run of late payments from my gigs - sometimes 90 days net, and then three cancellations. That really hurt. I kept praying that a singing job would come in to make up for those losses but to no avail and finally I got stiffed by a client via a bounced check that I have yet to recover. That left me dead in the water. And the bills keep coming and I keep falling further behind.
I couldn't afford my health insurance and without it I couldn’t afford the treatments that keep my arthritic pain at bay and perform to my highest potential. (If you saw me at City Winery in November, then you may have noticed how active I was onstage.) No one wants to hire a crippled diva. And I can't even begin to discuss my dental situation!
Sometimes I didn't have money for food. I finally revealed that to friends and they brought me food or treated me to dinners. I was so grateful, and so embarrassed.
This is the most urgent part of what I face: rent, utilities, & medical bills ($7.5K,) band/production costs that I must pay back to continue to work ($8K,) the IRS ($$$$) and overdue everything, I havent even included food! (This situation is great for weightloss.) I must file for bankruptcy. I didn't do it last year - a bonehead move. It's horrifying. I spend many panicked, sleepless nights worrying and crying about this. And as usual I kept it all inside, feeling like the World's Biggest Loser, feeling the judgement from friends and family, and just going along trying to appear cheerful, trying not to become a recluse in my bed.
And so I have to throw pride out the window and beg for your help. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just pack it it all in - this performing stuff. Move back to Ohio, get a job and just turn my back on showbiz. But I can't. Not yet. Deep down, I know that I have great earning potential via my talent.
To continue as a professional artist I need to evolve with new media, I need to rebrand. I need new promo that truly displays my great band and our work. I need to mount my one woman show, record a CD, make a new web site, new pictures and new video. These tools will change everything and make me viable again. However that costs money and every cent I earn goes toward my survival while I fall dangerously behind.
Your help (along with my day job and some serious planning) will help me keep my apartment, pay bills and get out from under this immense pressure so I can end this paralysis and get back to work rebuilding my career and completing projects. If you can offer or have access to any of the services I mentioned above (recording studio, videography, photography, web design, graphic design) as well as financial and career counseling, that would be invaluable because it will help me get work and keep this from happening again.
Right now, I am terrified. I am facing the slow Winter months and as much as it kills me to ask, I really don’t see how I can make it without your help - again. To my angels who helped me before, I am eternally grateful, and if you are unable to give, please keep me in your loving thoughts and prayers. Your support (any amount will help) means the world to me. To better days and no more days like this. And if you need a great band & singer - give me a call.
The Desperate Artist.