"One lost, soul in need of a helping hand…But I’m Finding My Way Back. " "Please, help my personal cause to better my life for me and my family."
I don't want to define myself by my circumstances, but I guess I was doing that, up until 1 month ago. "I had enough and want change." I remember a time about 1 year ago, when I was crying and suddenly became gripped with fear, realized that I didn't feel like a human being anymore, not even like a woman any longer, I was a thing of convenience for others. I felt like this used up article, or some inanimate object that had no value. I had totally put myself on the back burner for everyone's else's causes and I lost my sense of self worth, of who I was. I guess rejection by others over and over, for a long period of time will do that to a person, and I wasn't even aware that it had happened, until it recently hit me, I had no future. I didn't want to be a down on my luck anymore; I wanted me back and a sense of self worth, a reason to keep trying and in order to do this, I need help, to make changes. I recently lost another job, due to my own struggling battles related to illness. I was diagnosed with a debilitating illness, 20 years ago, that leaves me struggling day to day. Most of the time I can barely function or form a clear thought because of the Fibromyalgia and the ongoing endless amount of prescription drugs, needed to keep me barely functioning. Changes are happening, I am dieting and exercising, looking for work again, as often as I can. I am needing to keep a roof over my head in the mean time and pay off debts, that I have accumulated over the years, while struggling with illness and a disabled son as well who had been shot in the back of the head and he can not work and depends on me to survive and his disabled grandmother suffering from lupus. Things that have occurred, didn't happen suddenly but over time and due to unforeseen events. I am working hard everyday, on getting me back, until I no longer feel like a thing of convenience for someone to walk over. I know I'm a human being and a woman. I can only guess, that it happened over a long time of being in a affection-less, stress filled home, from so many years of my life. I don't blame anyone, but myself for failures but I want to make things right. I tolerated too much for the sake of my sense of duty and responsibility to others, but some sense of duties are way overrated and are thankless tasks. I was always, going to leave and start over somewhere new, once I solved some of my problems, or when the kids were finally grown, or another crisis was resolved, and so on and so forth, until it was 25 years later. This is now and the future and although I am still dealing with some highly stressed issues, my commitments and responsibilities are strong and I remain loyal to my family and want to help them and better myself in the process. So now, I am working on a plan, to make a life for myself. I want to be given a chance in life and I need money, (I want to go back to school and finish my BA degree, pay of debts and support myself, son and mother), while I am working on bettering my life through education and counseling). It still hurts...a lot...but I don't want to be defined as a person who gave up, a loner, or whatever (even though I am lonely) because I am so much more than my circumstances, and there is a lot of life out there for me to live. My fund campaign is running until 6/2016 and funds are needed as soon as possible. "Very grateful for whatever anyone can do to help me better myself without going further in to debt and despair, in the mean time I will keep moving on, good girl in need of a helping hand."