Help to live again

This is difficult and I'm not sure where to start.....   Here goes I was married until Dec 2013 he was a mental and very psychical abuser but I still stayed with him convinced it was all my fault for not being a very good wife. each time the abuse happened he told me it was because I wasn't loving or cared about him. Christmas was a sorry affair no decorations or dinner no present apparently we couldnt afford it as it was a luxury.   I found the courage to to leave with nothing but my clothes and go into a bedsit i tried to get help but because I work I could not get any financial or personal. My work have been wonderful letting me have time off when I broke and cried all morning in the office, I found a flat to rent im trying hard on my own to rebuild my life which I hard, he controlled everything financially so I had to learn about everything. i have now been left with a lawyers bill for divorcing of £5500 because he denied everything and had everything in his name my lawyer has been having a very hard fight. I'm entitled to nothing from the house. sometimes I wish I had died then at least he wouldn't be living it up while I'm struggling to rebuild my life. the abuser always blames the victim is what I've been told. my plan is to rebuild my life somehow then my dream is to train a counsellor and offer free counselling to abuser victims. I cannot get free counselling as I work and they see me able to support myself ... It's a joke really...  Help is a hard thing to ask for but I'm asking.