In July of this year 2018, I was planning my death, I was planning on taking my own life. I have gone though a series of heartbreaks, I was extremely depressed, and felt very worthless. I didn’t even, have the will to eat, unless I was cooking for someone else. I gave away everything I owned and lied to people, about why, I was doing it. Only a few very close friends knew how depressed I was, that I was crying every day for hours.
I was receiving harassing phone calls in the early morning hours, the police could do nothing, I had a stalker, I would wake up and find my door had been unlocked, I would find crushed plants, and strange cigarette butts around my porch, close to my bedroom window. At one point, the oil cap on the car, I was driving had been removed, again the police couldn’t do anything… I started locking myself in the bedroom at night, in fear. I had an altercation with a strange man that come into my apartment. I had no idea who, he was, and again, the police were little help, they did try. At one point the apartment complex was willing to put a hotel lock on my doors for protection, only at a high price though. I thought I was losing my mind, and I was fighting my own emotional issues.
Sewing had been, my Joy in life, to be able to create Clothing, Quilts, and most of all Magical Monk Bags. Sewing had always been my way of coping with trials in life. It was the way, I made a living. However, when I hit rock bottom again, I gave away, everything, my kitchen wear, my furniture, and yes years of collecting sewing supplies … my machines, rulers, thread, fabric, patterns, and even straight pins …. EVERTHING !
I had a plan and I was going to go through with it. One of my very dear friends figured it out, and asked me to hang on for a few days, till they could get to me. Which I promised I would, within a few weeks I was taken away, and given a safe place to recover and heal. I have changed my phone number, and keep my location hidden, I have never discovered whom or why I was being harassed or stalked.
I have a few clothing and my computer. I have been able to receive therapy, I can and received some medical care including prescriptions, however I have no money to fill these prescriptions. I do have physical and mental disabilities *mental illness* which makes getting a job out side of the home very difficult. I am trying to work thought our human services system to get the care I need, I am trying very hard to get better and stand on my own two feet.
While I was thinking about doing a fund raiser, and not sure if I should, a friend wrote me “ I believe in you. I remember when you were so ill you pretty much could not walk...but you sewed. I remember when you kept the bills paid and some food on the table...because you sewed. I remember where you were, what you escaped from...by sewing.
I know the moves and transitions on your journey these recent years have made it harder to meet the same level as success as when a young man told another "we just met the magical monk!"
I believe in you. I watched from afar as you have journeyed. You have often inspired me to not give up no matter what. This latest blow is awful...but I have seen you triumph over worse.”
With these words of encouragement, I have decided to tell me story and ask for a Hand Up, not a Hand Out. I want to work again, I have a room now, a place to set up and work where before I had little. I am more than happy to send a Monk Bag or other item to any one that helps me, once I have a sewing machine again.The following is a list of what is needed to get me back to work and their cost, not including shipping of these things, I do live very remote.
$1,500 for sewing and embroidery machines, threads, backing, pressing iron, work desk and other needs
$800 for fabrics, I do have a local shop, however with out a car, I’ll be ordering online mostly, this includes zippers and hard ware.
$300 for one year of web hosting and new URL acct.$500 for other needs, medications and other cost.