Gravestone Memorial

Thank you all for taking the time to read my request for help via donations for my cause.

I lost my Mother in May 2010 following admission to hospital, she had been having stomach pain for a few weeks and had been given various prescriptions from the Doctor.

When she went into the local hospital they did several tests and found nothing and made an appointment for her to go to a larger hospital for a scan, when I was asking when would this happen I was told there was a waiting list and that they would fit her in as soon as they could. After a week there her condition worsened - her stomach was swelling and she was transferred to the larger hospital where they operated within a few hours, she had an ulcer. I had an agonising wait while she was in surgery and was escorted to the Intensive Care Unit when the operation was over. Speaking to the Surgeon afterwards what a huge relief that it was an ulcer and not anything more sinister.

She stayed in Intensive Care for 10 days and was then moved onto a General Ward late the Wednesday evening. Early on the Thursday morning I received a call from the Sister to say that she had been moved back to Intensive Care. I rushed to the hospital to be met by the Sister who told me that my Mother was gravely ill and that she should not have been moved to a General Ward as she needed 1-1 care. My Mother was put into a coma and on the Saturday my Father and I were called to the hospital and were asked to make the terrible decision that the kindest thing would be to let her go.

My Mother was 77 years old and had worked until she was 74 in a Care Home looking after the Elderly. She had an insurance policy which covered less than 1/2 of her funeral costs. There was no help from the state to assist with this as the insurance funds would be offset against a grant given for funerals for people on limited means.

My Mothers funeral came and went and the bill of £3250 was left to my Father and myself. We paid the £1300 insurance money toward it and I came to an arrangement to pay the balance on a monthly basis - I'm still paying this off.

Further bereavement followed when my Father became frail and died in hospital in March 2011 - he didn't want to live without my Mother and as much as I tried to encourage him to keep living he had other ideas and he knew what he wanted - he gave up.

My Father hadn't been paying life insurance as my Mother had but following my Mothers death he had taken out a £25 a month policy - this of course didn't pay out on death as the policy needed to have been running for 2 years so I was left with a funeral bill of £3100. Confident that I would be able to get help from the State for this funeral I applied but as my Father had several hundred pounds in the bank the application was declined.

I am therefore still paying for 2 funerals and I know that the road is a long one. I am a single parent and work full time, I don't enjoy fantastic health and find day to day a struggle sometimes but my parents installed a strong work ethic and I will continue to work to try to pay my way - benefits are not an option. I make and sell crafts at boot sales just to be able to make the funeral payments. I can spend hours making a garland to make just £3 profit but my options are limited.

Following my Mothers death my Father wanted to buy a headstone for her grave so that we could visit and put flowers on there - flowers that she would have loved.

The money he had saved later went to pay toward his own funeral.

I chose the headstone memorial that he wanted for my Mother, now there will be 2 names inscribed on there. The cost of the stone is £2,200. I paid £500 towards this over 2 years ago by doing small cleaning jobs, I find that I can no longer manage this type of work on top of my full time job.

My parents grave is the only one in the row at the cemetery that has no headstone. The plot they have was in the last row of that section of the Cemetery and looks very sad as everyone else has the stone in place.

I find it very difficult to visit these days. I feel shame and sorrow that I couldn't have done more to have provided just this one last thing for them.

They helped me every single day of my life - without them I wouldn't have had the opportunity to continue to work and bring up 4 children and instill morals and values in my children.

I lost my parents, my best friends, my confidents, my rocks when they passed. I know death is inevitable and I know that it will never ever be easy but I need to find peace with the terrible guilt that I feel for not being able to finish this now.

If you can find it in your hearts to help in any small way I would be eternally grateful. On my limited means I will always give to those less fortunate than myself.

I collect McDonalds food vouchers from colleagues and give them to the Homeless, I try to give just a few cans of food a week to the food bank and we make do here.

So please if you can spare just a small amount please be assured your donation will be put to good use and that the headstone memorial is for the best parents anyone could ever have wanted and I can have a place to visit and feel at peace with myself when I do.

Many thanks,

JJ