It truly breaks my heart to be writing this.My grandfather is the strongest man that I know. He’s so strong that every time I fell, he always picked me up. This includes when I first learned to walk as a child, when I first learned to ride a bike, and even during my senior prom when I was trying to make an entrance in my mother’s heels. But the biggest lesson he taught me was how to stand up even after I fall.
My grandfather raised me. He taught me everything I know. It’s always been just me and my grandfather. We spend most of our time together.We know each other’s schedules to the point where he calls me soon as I get out of class on my way to the next class. That’s how close we are. I knew a few months ago that his schedule showed an appointment for the doctor. It was supposed to be a routine check up.
He took a little longer than expected. I wasn’t worried because traffic in Philadelphia is almost as bad as traffic in Los Angeles. My grandfather has travelled the world, but one of his favorite places in Los Angeles. He always jokes about the traffic and about how terrible it is. But that day, my grandfather wasn’t in traffic. There was nothing routine about what was going to happen next.
It turned out, my grandfather, has pancreatic cancer. Its aggressive. It’s fast. The strongest man I know has been reduced to a shell of who he used to be. His voice doesn’t have the same strength. And because its just us, I have been working to get him the things insurance won’t cover to make sure that his hospice is as comfortable as it can be. But anyone who knows anything about hospice, knows that its anything but comfortable.
I’m doing the best I can, but I am struggling just to keep my head above water. My grandfather says that true strength is in asking for help even when it doesn’t look good – even when people judge the fact that you dropped out of college to take care of the only father you’ve ever known because you love him that much. I love him that much and I will see him through to the end.
Unfortunately my bills have become final notices. My final notices have become terminations, and my terminations have become something that I wish I never had in the first place. I need help catching up. I need someone to assist me and I’m not ashamed to ask because there’s no shame in asking for helpI’ve fallen once more, but this time my grandfather can’t pick me up. I am attempting to get up, but I do need a helping hand.