I’ve got the drive just need the funds

I don't know how many people who will read this and be able to relate... On August 12 2023 I attempted suicide. Obviously I lived, but nobody could explain how. I call it my death day because a part of me died that day that I search for now. I don't even understand how I let myself give up like that. When I realized I lived I was so amgry... I was angry, embarrassed and sad about the life choices I made that made the thought of going home unbearable.

Nobody even thought that was the cause of my liver failing. When I got home my family trashed the house and never acknowledged I didn't feel well, and wanted dinner cooked. I was mad as hell. I was hurt and I felt even more alone...

I kept my secret until November when I finally mended my relationship with my mom. I sent her the note I left for my friend with instructions on what needed to be done for her and she could help her and my son. Everyone was so clueless.

I'm stuck now, no matter what I do I just can't accomplish anything. I feel like the person I'm in a relationship sabatoges my efforts to keep me dependent.

I found a way out though and I really feel like God is helping me. There is a relocation program for those who work from home. I applied before my death and I got an email saying I accepted. I didn't have a wfh job anymore but after that email I got a call with a job offer and start the 3rd week of May, then after that call I received a email about a great opportunity to consolidate my debt and be debt free in 6 months.

All of these things are incredible but I need funds now so I can get a car by Friday, find somewhere to live there, I need to get my driver's license renewed, I need funds and I don't know how to get them. I have a business I wanted to start as a contractor for mailing companies delivering but I need a LLC. I don't want to have to ask for a handout but I have the leg work done and I've done everything without state benefits or anything. I had my son at 18, homeless, no job, not a dime to my name and I built this beautiful life for him and sacrifice every ounce of my being to make sure he felt at the least like he had a normal childhood. I built that and he brags about his childhood all the time and everyone always tells how well I raised him. I am confident that I was a good mother.

He turned 18 and moved out. That was my best friend for 18 years. So now I gotta go from being mom, back to Michelle and I don't know her.

I did feel that spark though.... that familiar spark of determination I haven't felt in a long time when I saw that town and the worn out did starter house. I can feel it in my heart that is where I need to go. Regardless of what comes out of this it feels so good to tell someone that my spark isn't dead, I'm not dead and I'm going to figure out who Michelle is.

Thank you for reading this, make today a good one that turns into a incredible one. Imagine what you want and live out that scenario in your head until you get there.

I am so sorry mom, and Brandon and Zelda. Most of all I am so sorry God for not appreciating my life and seeing my value. I'm glad you still hear my prayers.