As a child I dreamt of growing up, finding my prince charming, living in my dream home, and having a large family. Life had other plans, I felt like the world was conspiring against me every step of the way; as a result, I have often shied away from people and opportunities. It's difficult for me to speak my mind without feeling like my voice doesn't matter and like nobody wants to hear my sob story and even now it's difficult to ask for help especially when seeing the obstacles others on here are dealing with.
Still, here's my story, I'm 33 years old and have kept a large part of myself hidden in fear of being judged or pitied, this has hindered me from reaching goals in my life.
I was sexually assaulted as a young child, first at 3 again at 7. At first, I didn't understand and hid behind a pencil and paper. I felt safer in the worlds I created and happily lived vicariously through characters in storybooks and movies. Eventually, food became my coping mechanism when I would find myself too upset to write or even read. My reasoning, as a young child, was that I could beat the monsters at their own game. If I ate and were no longer pretty, they would leave me alone.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, I was assaulted throughout my teens, raped, and bullied for my weight; I never really fit in anywhere. Cutting was my newest vice, I lacked trust, developed social anxiety, & depression and just wanted it all to end; I needed an escape. I dropped out of high school and had multiple seasonal jobs as I chased my passion for writing.
I was accepted into Vancouver Film School at 18 but could not afford to go. I saved and along with student loans was finally able to attend at 30. I met a large number of people who shared my interests each with their own reasons that lead them to want to share their stories. I made amazing memories and life long friends while at VFS.
Since I graduated, my phone has been shut off and my bank account closed as I've struggled to find work. I fell into a catch 22 that revolves around money. I can't start my own production company, submit scripts to film festivals, pay my student loans, or provide for my own basic needs, my two potential sources of income halted without startup funds. I've been applying for work everywhere without luck.
Thankfully, my mother has stood by my side and supported me and my passions. We live in low income and this is the second house we've been placed that has had black mold and that our landlords have chosen to ignore. They make annual lists that are disregarded and instead they upgrade random items we never asked for as they are more affordable than dealing with black mold and a rusted tub that is slowly developing a hole.
All my stress, anxiety, and depression have taken a toll on my health. Sleepless nights, migraines, low iron, possible infertility, and an episode this past month where I nearly fainted at my grandmother's funeral. I had to excuse myself and wait outside until I was no longer lightheaded. I missed the letter she wrote in which she remembered her time during the residential schools in Canada.
My birthday was the next day, February 23rd, I was unable to do anything in celebration, and for the first time ever, I didn't actually feel like it was worth celebrating; I couldn't even afford a cake. If I had gotten the chance to make a wish that evening, it would have been to have a permanent roof over my head without fear of eviction, find a job in a town where I feel safe, and work my way to financial stability (not only for myself but for my dogs.) And so that I can finally start that family I've dreamt of for so long.
I am hopeful I'll get back on my feet and be able to start over someplace new, far away from triggers and reminders of my past where I can truly heal and where jobs are more readily available. I pray for a permanent roof over my head, food in my stomach, and steady income to one day repay my mother for her unconditional love and show her how much I appreciate all she's done for me. My future dreams are to own my own house and run my own film production company. I aspire to live life, attend movies with friends, go out dinner, travel, etc. And give back to women and children of abuse, prevent starving children, and rescue abandoned dogs.
There normally isn't a prize in return for your donation on these campaigns seeking help, however, I am planning on vlog updates throughout each milestone of the campaign which will be shared here in the updates section.
Detail of Funds much like a business plan I felt the need to include this as similar campaigns start as low as $300,000 and there was no way I could justify that amount after laying it all out.
$25,000 Student loans
$6000 Moving costs (Dreaming of New England)
$4000 New Furniture/replace any affected by mold + appliances
$300 Doggy passports/vaccines to get them across the border
$9700 Fertility treatments
$155,000 downpayment on a home (I know, it sounds like a lot, unfortunately, homes are expensive in New England)