Bring Ian and Lilly home

In December 2011, I made a very big mistake.  I trusted my ex-husband to take care of our children for a few months while I reassessed my life and living situation, which I have done. I assumed that letting him see his kids longer than a weekend would be good for both he and I.  He had asked me on several occasions to allow him to keep them for a while, so I finally agreed.  I could use the time to work and go to school and he could use the time to reestablish a relationship with his children.

Unfortunately, he misinformed me of his job situation and told me he was in an “Army unit that did not deploy” (does not leave the country). Our agreement was for the children to live with him temporarily until the school year ended and they would then return to me to start the new school year in August 2012. I wanted the temporary transition to go as smoothly as possible, so I agreed when he suggested we sign a temporary change in our child custody agreement. I agreed and signed because I believed that he had our children’s best interest in mind. It wasn’t until months later, that I learned that the paperwork I signed is not what was presented to the judge.  Because I signed a waiver of notification, he was able to reword the agreement giving him permanent custody.
Prior to agreeing to let the children go live with him temporarily, I spoke with both he and his wife for several hours.  During this conversation, they both assured me “nothing will keep you from getting them back in August. We would never keep your children from you.” I trusted them both. During a later conversation I had with his wife, she stated, “I do not want to keep your children away from you. I’m a mother and I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me. We have three kids here already, so I want you to be able to get them back.”
My children left my home December 22, 2011 and they understood they would be returning in the summertime.  Unbeknownst to me, my ex-husband was scheduled to be deployed on March 31, 2012. I did not find this out until the day before his deployment when my son told me. The only reason I agreed to let them go is because he assured me that he was being transferred to a base that doesn’t deploy.  When I asked his wife about picking up my children due to his deployment, she stated she was “okay with watching the children” until our agreed date of August 16, 2012. The kids and I were under the impression my ex-husband would be returning them on this agreed upon date and they often asked for reassurance of when they would be returning home. It broke my heart to be away from them, but I just kept answering with the same response,  “A few more months my sweet babies and you will be coming home back home to Mommy!”
In July 2012, my son called me crying and told me his “other mom” told him she would call the police and send me to jail if I came to pick them up. Ian was devastated and did not understand what was going on and kept asking me why I was going to have to go to jail. I too did not understand so I attempted to contact my ex-husband via email and Google voice with no results. I spoke to my ex-husband’s wife about the situation and she responded, “that’s between you and him. I have nothing to do with it since they are your children.” I reminded her of our previous conversation about not keeping the children away from me and returning them and she again told me to “take it up with him”.
I used my veteran’s benefits to speak to an attorney about my situation and to receive any advice they could provide but was told because I receive money for being a disabled combat veteran, I made too much money to be represented by them pro bono or for a discounted fee; I would need to come up with the funds to pay for attorney fees in both Tarrant County and El Paso (where my children are located).
Later in August, 2012, my 7 year son, Ian, asked me to stay a little while longer so they could see their father when he returned from deployment. Ian used the phrase “to develop a relationship with my dad.” My initial response was ‘What seven year would come up with this idea and these words?’ Despite my instinct telling me that this wasn’t a very good idea, I would never keep my children from their father and agreed to let them stay a little longer and despite my 5 year old daughter, Lilly, asking to come home early. This may not sound logical, but I come from a divorced family and understand the importance of having and maintaining a relationship with a father.  Although everything in me wanted nothing more than to have my children back home with me, I agreed to let them stay.  This decision remains one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. Because the situation was eating at me, I attempted to contact my ex via email to discuss the situation, but had no success and even asked his wife to assist me in contacting him. She replied, “I check his emails and sometimes forget to tell him and when he calls, he uses his phone time to talk to his children.”   
I had the privilege to visit with my children this summer (August 3, 2012) and as soon as they got in the car with me, they spilled their guts about wanting to come home and being called “step-children” when they upset her. They explained that they are not allowed to tell me what happens in the house because they would get into trouble. They also said that what happens in their house is a secret.  I have never encouraged my children to keep secrets from their father and always practiced being open with them.
I was so upset while listening to my children cry out to me, that I didn’t know whether to take them and run away or take the legal route.  I chose to fight for them the right way. I recorded the conversations. Ian says he does not get my messages and did not know that I call him daily. He asked me to not say anything to his father (who, at this time is still deployed) because he does not know what goes on in the house and his step-mother told him (my son) not to say anything to him and that he would get into trouble if he said anything.
After my visit with the children, things seemed to calm down. After many weeks of only having the ability to speak my ex-husband’s wife, I finally received a phone call from my ex-husband. He asked that the children stay until December so that they could have time with him. Again, my gut told me that the best thing to do would be to bring the children home, but because he’d been gone for so long and not had an opportunity to bond with them, I let them stay.  
I kept my promise to my son and did not tell my ex-husband about the recordings of the conversations I had with the children regarding their treatment in his absence. Instead, I asked that he and I speak in person when he came back to the states. When he returned from his deployment in mid-September, I again did not receive notification.  I attempted to contact him via text, email, phone and he refused to speak to me. I also called his wife on several occasions requesting he contact me so I could meet with him in person only to not have these requests met. I did not receive a call from him until two days before his NEXT deployment to tell me he was deploying and would be AGAIN leaving the children with his wife. He added “the children will not be returning home to you in December.” Please keep in mind the children have been under the impression they were returning home to me and their friends in December as we all agreed. They still do not know their father has changed his mind again.
Since my children have been away from me, I have not been able to speak with them much. When I call, I am sent to voicemail and my texts and emails go unanswered for days. When I am able to speak to my children, my son will tell me  that he has had to go to bed at 6 pm for telling me “what goes on in the house because what goes on in the house stays in the house” or “being bad in school.” I have also received texts from her telling me the kids cannot call me because of various reasons, such as “Ian peed in the bed”.  There have been times I would call and I would hear myself echoing which is an indicator that I am on speakerphone. When I would ask to be taken off, their step-mother would ask them to tell me she “needs to hear the conversation”. Conversations with my children (when I am able to have them) are interrupted by the other three children in the home, on speakerphone and monitored making it nearly impossible to have a meaningful conversation with my children. Lilly thinks she is “bad” and will begin a conversation with me telling me “hi mommy, I am bad and have to go to bed”. Ian sounds sad and distant when he talks to me over the phone.
I call my children daily and unfortunately, I am only able to speak with them maybe once a week for a few moments before being interrupted. I have scheduled several SKYPE visits only to sit in front of the screen in vain and later find out the children “got into trouble and were not allowed to use the phone and computer.”
It’s hard to breathe without my children here. If you are a parent, I am sure you understand when I say my children are my life.  Every decision I make, I make for them. I stay in prayer and ask my children to pray each time I speak with them. Even now, I don’t speak ill of either of their other parents even when the children ask “why do they say bad things about you?”
I made a promise to my children that I would bring them home, but unfortunately, I find myself in a situation where I can’t possibly afford a legal team as strong as theirs unless I get help.  
I’m asking for your help.  Please help me keep my promise to my children. They are expecting to come home to their mother. Please help me pay for the expensive attorney fees that I will undoubtedly incur while trying to fight to bring them home.