IVF funding needed to become first time parents

Hi all, my name is Tenesha, i am 28 years old from Cape Town. My husband and i have been together for almost 9 years and we have been trying to extend our family ever since.

About 4/5 years ago i woke up early hours in the morning at about 4am with blood everywhere and server cramping. My husband immediately rushed me to the ER. At that time as we were still newly married i was not added onto my husbands medical aid at the time.

Upon arrival and a few tests later, the doctors notified us that i was in fact pregnant and roughly about 8 weeks. It came to a complete surprise to us as we were totally unaware of it considering i was still experiencing the normal menstrual cycle and had no pregnancy symptoms at all. The biggest shock of all was that it was actually an ectopic pregnancy where the baby develops in one ovaries and in my case extremely life threatening. The doctors said that if i had arrived any later i would have basically bleed to death, i was just lucky enough to have woken up in time from the server cramps to realise that i was bleeding from below uncontrollably.

It was definitely one of the most difficult moments of our lives as a newly married couple to have almost been separated in that type of way. The second most difficult part was not knowing that i was pregnant and became extremely tough on myself thinking if i had only known, maybe i could have looked after myself a bit better and this could have never happened. It still brings tears to my eyes years later whenever i think about it but i am just so grateful and thankful to still be alive. If anything, i know for one that it definitely brought my husband and myself closer together and makes us appreciate everyday.

To help with the grief, my husband got us two puppies who we love and cherish so much, they are literally our worlds and probably the most spoilt dogs in the whole wide world who we call our kids. The happiness and joy that they bring to us is unexplainable but of course, it is still not a baby.

We had a years break of trying as it was difficult to get over however we continued to try. Last year Christmas, my husband and i decided not to exchange gifts on Christmas as we both work together and are self-employed. With the lock down and all the restrictions of Covid, it really hit us hard and we went months without salaries and it definitely started to test our relationship as we burnt through all the saving we had over the last few years. Like always though, we fought and pushed through the hard times and made it out strong again.

On Christmas morning i wrapped a little gift for him and he got really upset as we both agreed not to get each other anything where he refused to open it and told me to return it. I laughed and said its something that i can’t return but just have a look what’s inside. To his surprise, he saw the positive pregnancy test which we both longed for, we hugged and kissed each other where we both just started crying with tears of joy. It was the best thing we could have ever asked for. There was so much of excitement that we could not wait to tell our families as both our parents would be first time grandparents and we just knew how much they wanted to become grandparents.

We decided to obviously wait for the 12 weeks before we told anyone however we have our office space behind my husbands parents house which we rent from them. As i had really bad morning sickness and extreme pregnancy symptoms, we had to at least let his parents know by week 8 as they kept asking why i was so sick.

As i could only see the Gynie at 8 weeks, a few days before the appoint i got really ill where i had no energy at all and basically slept through the day. When i woke up and had to use the bathroom i saw blood and immediately broke down thinking the worst whilst screaming for my husband. I was so hysterical and could barely get any words out of my mouth and i just kept asking my husband continuously why is there blood. He immediately called the gynie for an emergency visit which we managed to go to. We had our scan and we heard our babies heartbeat which brought tears of joy to both of us. With a sigh of relief, the doctor said everything will be okay, we just need to do a few blood tests.

That same day i had 6 tubes of bloods drawn from me for the various test and results showed that my progesterone levels were quiet low which the doctor prescribed medication for myself to be inserted daily.

A few days later we announced our pregnancy to his parents who were over joyed and a week later to my own family who immediately had a huge celebration as they knew how long and hard we were trying. Everyone was happy and excited and life could not get any better.

On the 9th of February was my next scan, i could not wait to hear our babies heart beat again as it just sounds like the most surreal thing in the world and gives you peace of mind. Little did i know that, that day was going to become my next biggest nightmare. The night before i wasn't feeling too well and sat on the bathroom floor at 22:00pm to about 23:00pm puking my lungs out but since i had really bad pregnancy symptoms the whole time, i thought nothing of it as i should have been about 12 weeks and things should start to get better.

Upon arrival, the doctor asked me how i was and that we should go have a look on the scan. At first glance i saw the fetus and was so happy because i could see how much it had grown since the first time i saw it however i noticed the doctor was very silent and kept looking for a while around and around and something in me just said something was not right. A few minutes later the doctor touch my shoulder and said i have some bad news, “i cant find a heartbeat”. My world came crushing down immediately. At first my husband did not hear what he said as the doctor is quite soft spoken and gentle, and when he heard it as well, a piece of each of had just died as well. The doctor gave us some time to ourselves and said he would meet us outside. I was so hysterical and uncontrollable, i could not believe this just happened to us. Not again at least. How did it even happen?

We went back inside and the doctor told us that he knows that my progesterone levels were low but he could see there was an improvement with growth, but he cant give a reason as to why the heartbeat stopped. He said that it stopped about a week ago and that i only made it to about 9 weeks and day and i was technically suppose to be at 10 weeks. I had to sign a few papers as he needed me to get a covid test before he could operate on me two days later.

All i remember is how i was shaking uncontrollably and that my signature was not even legible at the time. This was probably the most i ever cried in my life and it was the longest car ride home with so much much of silence and just tears from both of us. A one point i even started to have a major panic attacked which also felt like it lasted a life time.

Later that day, i asked if we could go stay by my parents as i didn't want to be alone. I don't know if it was harder that something like that just happened or if it was harder to break the news to my parents of what just happened as i know how happy they were for us. I just could not stop blaming myself for what happened, what could i have done differently?

That night i could not sleep, i just kept reading things on google and eventually decided that i would like a second opinion on the matter as i could not come to terms with the news. I was scared and terrified as i did not want to relive that moment again however, i didn't want to go through with the operation and regret the rest of my life not knowing, what if? So i grew the courage and thank God my husband is the most supportive husband ever and stood by my side the whole way through.

The waiting room was long and the suspense was stressful as we waited for over an hour. Unfortunately, the second result came back the same as the first. However this time it gave me some sort of closure that i can’t quiet explain. I named the baby, Baby Hope as i had so much hope that everything will be fine. I was now ready for the operation.

At 4am the next morning, i awoke in tears, crying hysterically again as this was beginning to set in. That the baby was going to leave my body and i didn’t want that attachment to be gone even though i knew it had to be done. All i remember is laying on the operating table with the doctor holding my hand tightly saying that his going to take care of me whilst i continued to cry

When i awoke from the anesthetics, the doctor said when i recovered, the best way to conceive again would be through IVF. Unfortunately, due to Covid and everything that has already happened, my husband and I do not have the funds for it and i feel that it would be the only way that we would ever be able to grow our family.

I know that it has only been a day since my operation but i know it also takes time to raise a large amount of money for something like this which is why i would like to start it now. I would really appreciate it if any amount could be donated to our target to help us grow our family. Thank you and God bless you for your support!