A Fresh Start

Life has dealt me so many really hard blows, a very abusive relationship back in 1993 which lasted 10 years was the start of many years of fighting for survival. After finding the courage, I left and became a single mother with no financial support, I worked two jobs trying to make ends meet and to give my son the best I could, I lost out on so many moments that parents treasure with their children. A few years later, I once again ended up in similar relationship, this time the person stripped me of everything including the little bit of finances I had. At the same time I was in a job where my boss desperately tried to blackmail me into a relationship. Those years sexual harassment was not as it is today, I had to suck it up and take the abuse whilst denying him his needs. That was four years of hell, I eventually managed to find another job but with a salary I could barely come out by, I took it anyway together with a waitressing job. I had to pick up and keep going for my son.

I guess my son had seen more than I thought he had through the abusive relationship with his father and this caused a very troubled teenager, perhaps also with the fact that I was absent most of the time because I was working two jobs to get him through school. I went on to having years of major problems with him in school and friends, he also started disrespecting me and started talking to me more and more like his father used to. He had no male figure in his life and as a single parent I had to deal with all the pain and heartache on my own. Watching your child self-destruct is not easy, crying to sleep at night became my norm. I managed to get him some help via therapy, but unfortunately it did not last long as he started refusing the help. He eventually moved out at the age of 16 (dropped out of school) and moved in with a friend of mine. This was extremely hard for me but I thought rather him be with someone I knew than to try fight him on it and loose him further.

With all the above, during this time and up to today, it has just been blow after blow. Anything that could possibly go wrong went wrong in my life, from the smallest to the biggest. For over 24 years, just as one good thing happened in my life, three or more bad happen after. I have battled on my own all these years. My story is so much more than this, it would actually sound surreal, but with all I have been through I lost faith in humanity, I become bitter inside yet still manage to put a fake smile on each day.

Just recently again, I was retrenched from my job, sitting at home for two months I have not only done a lot of soul searching but also been doing a lot of research on the internet trying to find a way forward for myself. Been through what I have makes me want to help and reach out to others who go through domestic violence and have scars from situations in life they have had to deal with. I seem to be a magnet for those in need, people are happy to confide in me and ask for my advise but I was never able to help myself or my son.

A great opportunity has now arisen for me to set up a great business where I live, unfortunately I do not have the finances. I have been sitting the past few weeks ratting my brain trying to figure out a way. If only I can get this going somehow and once off the ground I will be able to not only send myself, but my son for proper treatment which I have found in Cape Town and will hopefully break the negativity and bad vibes that constantly surround us.

I just need that one little break in life, with all the doors that have slammed shut in my face, this one I am more determined than ever to open and keep it wide open. I am adamant to change the routine, and when you reach rock bottom in life and decide enough is enough, that is the time for the biggest change. I AM a survivor!

Please help me turn this 24 year nightmare around and thank you in advance.