"My Name is Alexander Schäfer, I am 18 and about to begin my first year as a student. I've been bullied my whole life since I was in elementary school. I have been suffering from depressions for over half of my life. Seeing no positive future I started losing hope altogether. This was until I met someone who now feels as a very special person to me called Shane.
It all started when I was in kindergarten. I had one friend, Frederick, with whom I spent nearly all my time. We used to be naughty and not always listen to what we’ve been told to do. Eventually, we “broke out” (left the kindergarten grounds) and walked home. Due to events like that, the kindergarten told my local elementary school that Frederick and I may not be put in the same class. As we grew older, we also grew away from each other. He has always been the stronger one while I was smarter than him. He protected me whenever he could, but since we only saw each other in P.E and during break (free time excluded), we hadn’t had much time to spend together nor to get into contact to hang around after school (smartphones weren’t a thing back in 2005). After 4th grade, he went to the “middle school”-type in Germany (called Realschule, 6 years) while I went into “highest school”-type (Gymnasium, 8 years, A-levels). We grew further and further apart, seeing each other less and less and me losing my only protection and friend. My fellow students never liked me. They always saw someone “different” in me. I was excluded from everything and eventually bullied. It started verbally. I got told down during P.E, losing my happiness in sports and other activities. I retreated myself into my room for most of the day and started playing video games nearly 24/7 whenever I was home. In the next years, the bullying got worse. I tried to avoid it but I simply couldn’t ignore anything they (verbally) threw at me. I can’t remember a single day of my childhood in which I wasn’t depressed to go to school. I eventually even became suicidal, thinking about just taking opportunities like an opened window or a knife. Nowadays I don’t know what made me not do it. All I know is that the only way I got through my “childhood” was by forgetting everything. I eventually developed a terrible memory: I forget everything in 1 or 2 days making me just feel worse when people tell me something and I straight up forget that we even had a talk. Of course I sought support in my parents, but my dad works in a 10-days schedule in cologne (4 hours from where I live) so I only had my mum. She didn’t really do much though. She said she would “talk to their parents” but in the end she never helped me. After all these years I really doubt that my mum loves me. I just can’t say that I ever felt to be loved by anyone, whether it is family or friends. To make things worse Frederick slowly drifted away from me and into the bad-scene. He started smoking at the age of 14 and ended up doing drugs. I visited him in hospital when he was found with an overdose of Ecstasy, but I didn’t tell my parents who always saw him as my brother. A few months later my dad found out and told me that he may never come to our home again, taking my last friend from me. Since then I don’t recall feeling happiness pretty much ever until now.
I met Shane in the online game Final Fantasy XIV. I was asked in a group chat to come help some stranger I never met before and so I did. 2 days passed in which we didn’t spend much time together. On the third day though, we started to learn more about each other. He told me he was female, and that he had trust problems with people online after previous encounters with too many wrong people online, just as I had, but still wanted to stay friends online and only online. Time passed and I started to get feelings towards “her”. We started talking about more private stuff such as sexual interests, our current situation in life (being students), my background story and the cause of my depressions.
Eventually it was 4 am one night in which I started to get into my “nerd-phase” in which I just told “her” everything about how I see life, what I think about the world, the people, the governments, the politics etc. and how I wanted to change it by studying physics, going into research and eventually developing new technologies to help making the life of everyone better.“She” saw what nice person I was and that I only want the best for everyone. “She” told me that it I was the nicest and kindest person “she” ever met. The day after, “she” told me that “she” wanted to talk to me. “She” knew I was male all along and felt guilty for lying to me. He told me that “she” was male and only lied to me because he did not want to depress me further seeing how everyone around him had assumed he was female upon meeting him and because he was afraid of not being accepted as he is as it happened in his life more than once before. Already knowing so much about each other and having put our trust in each other, I could not deny that I have feelings for him too. I asked him if he was straight, he told me that he had always thought so, but that I gave him feeling he had always lacked: care and love that he never felt from anyone else before in his life and that he felt feelings towards me even as a man. As caring as he is towards me, he understood me as I told him that I couldn’t be in an actual relationship with a man. But we love each other and want to build a future because we are both dedicated to each other and believe that we are our soul mates and chances are high that we might not meet anyone like this again. More time passed and he told me that he would do anything to be with me. He is currently looking into a gender change to be together to be with me and spend our lives together once his studies are over.
He has been through a lot of similar struggles and mental problems: He left his mother at the age of 14 to live with his father due to her not caring for him. She was always gone leaving him alone. Lack of support or places to go he started to fail school. Seeing no other way out, he decided to move to his dad to finish his middle school degree. Life however did not become better, the new wife of his dad started to fight with him and talk him down. You could call it "mental abuse". He had to do the household while attending school and working at a local supermarket. 2 years later and under stress he could not continue further and sought help.
Ending up with Foster care whoplaced him with his aunt. Being strictly religious, she restricted him in living out his youth and forced him into participating on church and prayers. After roughly 7 months, he contacted foster care again who placed him in a guided home where he has been taught how to "live" by himself (finances, education, cooking. basic daily-life).
Usually you leave this child care after 6 to 12 months but as he turned 18, the supermarket in which he worked closed and he lost his work forcing him to stay at the guided home for an additional 6 months until the Councillors there told him that "he was becoming too old for the program" and were forced to seek alternatives.Contacting his dad, he told them that "they could kick him out on the streets as there was no likely way to ever go back and live with them [dad and new wife] peacefully". After being rejected by his dad, his mother was contacted. His mother and her new husband took him in after they resolved past issues together and with psychological help. Since then he worked on and off. A year of construction, half a year of IT, 3 years of high class serving in which he got kicked out as he refused to take a more stressful position in the company. Last year he decided to start studying for chef. He completed his first year and has 2 more to go. But even when he got his degree his, he may not find a job easily let alone housing (average wait time for housing being5 years plus)
Now we arrive at the present and we started to look up into our future, what we have to do for him to immigrate to Germany and how much said gender transformation will cost. Shocked we had to find out that changing the sexual organs, growing breasts, losing facial and body hair, pitching up the voice and giving him a more female appearance would cost roughly 10,000-20,000€. I knew beforehand that it will take years to turn him into a women and he is dedicated to do so, as he wishes for nothing more but to make me happy and be together one day. Neither of us had problems if we had to wait years to be together as a straight pair, but as we saw the costs of it, our world shattered. Since meeting him, I neverfelt so good in my life before. I feel loved for the first time in my life and he felt that he had a purpose: to make me happy.
The reason why we started GoGetFunding is because I see no way that him and I get several thousands of Euros together without additional help from other people. I love him, but he wants to be my girlfriend to make me happy and I don’t want anything else but to make him happy. 10,000-20,000€ would be for everything, roughly 5,000€ for the main hormone therapy and surgery which would already mean everything to us. We don’t expect to find support here but hope to be proven wrong by the caring people out there. Sadly life has taught us that this is very unlikely but felt the need to try regardless.
We hope people will support us in our pursuit of happiness.