Hey , I appreciate that you opening this message. I would love if you take out time to read what I have to tell you . I am Rakshita from India and I am writing you because I think you will be able to understand where I am coming from since I think you can feel what I want to tell you . If you're thinking how did I know this , it's because I was searching on Internet for people who really give a damn about what I have to say and feel me . I come from a narcissistic house where I was taught that you have nobody in this world to help you money wise , if you go out there empty hands people out there are harsh and cruel and nobody will be able to take care of you how we do. But the point here is I know there are people who can help you and understand you. I lived in a narcissistic family and society which tells me nobody loves you for your preferences but they love you for your label or who you are or you have to have something to give to them in order for them to help you or love you . I always had this desire to start a business but when I am thinking of going towards it I need money. Whenever I ask for money from my parents I feel as if I am taking debt from parents to start my business and if I fail , I will not be able to repay them by any means not that they are that bad but they have made me feel this way subconsciously whenever they give me anything money based because for them money is hard to come and hard to be earned which is also a lie we tell ourselves constantly. I believe if you have something valuable to give to someone and you are good at it , you can be paid for it coz all you need is a plan to implement it and money . Since I live in India where part time jobs don't pay enough for my dreams and I don't even know what I am good at tbh because of how I was brought up. I was brought up by telling me only studies could take you places and all else is bullshit. You don't get money doing what you love , you get it by studying. So I did it and ended up in one of the top Universities in commerce in India but I realised that I cannot study and do whatever I have been doing since forever and it is not making me feel good even after achieving things that I was told to be giving me joy. I was at my worst and questioned everything I was doing ended up working on myself and dissolving all the belief systems I was fed . One of which is this nobody is gonna help me out there , you have to be someone of value to be asking for help and how to be someone of value by studying which is what I don't like so basically I know nothing about what would I like to do but I have a lot of interests and hobbies and studies covered most of them as that is how I am gonna be loved and accepted and nobody out there is gonna give the money that you need because the world out there is cruel and my society and parents are not gonna give me money because I am not studying and i am using it for fun activities which will end there money in shit .So all I was left with studying and doing what they want me to do that is more study and take a job which I don't even like because that is what is gonna give me money and value and then they will help me because I can be of value to them.
There is this belief which I mentioned before that if I go out in this cruel world nobody is gonna help me so that is why I have come up with this fundraiser to prove myself and get rid of the beliefs fed into me that people don't give a shit and they don't care , they are not gonna help you with anything in this crual which I know is not true but I wanna prove this point to me by actually having a real proof that world can be good too and people can help you whenever you want , this world is not all that crual and bad as it seems , there is an opposite side to everything and I can be loved and appreciated without trying to be good to people or changing myself and doing something for them. I want to prove myself that people can feel you and help you even if the other person has nothing to give you in return. You can be loved , appreciated and helped without paying someone back by doing a favor not out of the feeling of debt but out of pure desire . This is my story if you have connected with me and can help me prove myself that world is not that crual and people will help you even if you have nothing to give to them and helping me with whatever amount or thing that you can help me with to move out of here and start discovering what I really like and start a business too and if you don't have anything to contribute here send me your blessings 🙏❣️. All the love. I appreciate the time you took out to read my story.