My Passion On Trial

With time I've learnt that life truly is journey with many experiences, you learn many things you never thought of, growing up I perceived life as an easy road where all direction you want to take will lead you to the right destination lo!!! I was mistaken. I'm at that point of either giving up or living for the sake of people who look up to me,I've reached my limits through failures, disappointments, depression and my health condition. I've cried,prayed, begged God to guide and protect my life,my mind has advised me to try some "desperate activities" so as to get my life on track again but clearly no hope.

I'm struggling with depression,debts and threats from all corners,I'm in that situation where I feel God has truly abandoned me,bad decisions led me to debts,from my event business I got nothing good but debts, I'm owing various people from wedding suppliers to clients I failed to deliver for,I'd get deposits then use for other events hoping something would come up but to my shock!!! The event date reaches before I can cover up for money used, I end up getting items on credit,failing to deliver some items,I therefore won't get back my balance thus I'm not able to settle suppliers,again due to failure to deliver as agreed I'd been forced to do a refund which I couldn't. Yes I've failed! I'm so guilty and feel ashamed for people who truly trusted me but I failed them big time. I'm not at peace with myself. Its the pain I'll carry for the rest of my life, the only way I can put smiles on my disappointed clients are through refund but no hope for me since I cannot even pay my rent not to talk of feeding myself.

1. Everyday I hope for the best,when change and smiles will cone back in my life, I walk like a confused person in the streets because of all am going through, I've received death threats,blackmail,I've been posted on social media,I walk scared on the streets with fear of bumping on people I'm owing. I don't receive calls like how are you doing'' how are you" but rather "where's my money. I'm so scared! With my condition at times I fail to take my mandatory drugs since I can't think of anything else but what I'll do. I got myself in this,I'm already in this,this thing is in me,how do I get out? How do I begin life a fresh? I feel lost,failed,hopeless and depressed. I need help