Love Army for Cianne

Update posted by Trincy Marie Tarra On Nov 26, 2018

"The calm before the storm" πŸ˜­πŸ’”

I have been thinking about this for a couple of days while we are here in the hospital (12 days and counting). Everything feels so calm and well - Cianne plays with us, doesn't feel any discomfort, IV line lasted for a good 11 days and so much more - we were just waiting to complete the 2 week antibiotics for her infection. The infectious disease doctor even told us we can go home for a while and have the iv meds administered by a nurse at home. We thought we are going home today and be back next week for her chemo. But at the back of my mind, I was getting scared about this "calmness"...

Today, our pedia onco, who came from a 1 week convention abroad and arrived last night, met with us this morning and delivered a news that made us panic. Cianne's rhabdomyosarcoma is stage 3 group 3 since there is a "small" part of the mass that touches the lining of her brain. Not in the brain yet (Thank God) but we need to stop it from going there. We were asked to make a very hard decision this morning - High dose or low dose chemo.

Higher dose would mean higher chance of complications and infections but chance of relapse is lower and getting completely cured is higher. Or lower dose - less negative side effects, less complications and infections but chances of relapse is very high. And we know that once a relapse happens to a cancer patient, the story ends...

We were lost for words when this was discussed to us. The never ending "How?" and "Why?" questions csme rushing but all I did was cry and asked the doctor to give us time to decide (but of course whatever is best for our little girl, we'll have to go that route)...

I think this is the storm I was preparing for but a storm I will never be prepared with...

Aside from the news we got, it also broke the little girl's heart knowing we can't go home today so I asked our doctor - no, i begged for it - that she allows us to go-out-on-a-pass (with a heplock) so we can go to Robinson's Manila. I know how happy my little girl is everytime she's at Tom's world and I would give everything just to see her smile, play and feel like a normal kid even for a while. Spent a good 3 hours playing with her and just following her around but I was crying most of the time. Imagine being in a happy place but tears just can't stop falling 😭

I can't help not to think about the days to come - what happens when her chemo starts, when all her beautiful hair starts to fall out, when she feels so sick and weak with all the chemo drugs given to her. So many questions in my mind but I can't seem to find an answer to all these 😭

To everyone reading this, if you know a family who've had the same journey as ours, please please help me get in touch with them πŸ™πŸ» especially those who survived this battle. I think I need to talk to people who successfully fought this monster to somehow lift our spirit up πŸ™πŸ»

Thank you so much for all your prayers dear family and friends!!! We need more prayers for cianne πŸ™πŸ»

One favor too, please hug your children extra tight tonight and know that you are very lucky and blessed to have healthy kids. Please don't get mad when they are too naughty or keeps on doing things that annoy you. Enjoy every minute of it and be thankful you are at the comfort of your homes and not in a hospital bed nursing a sick child πŸ˜”

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Update posted by Trincy Marie Tarra On Nov 26, 2018

Just when we thought we're far from over...

Just when we though we can have a "normal" life once again after the gut wrenching, 7 hour operation they did to our little girl...

Just when I thought my 3 kids can be together again, playing and making happy noises at home... (Oh how they miss each other so much!)

Just when we thought everything was going to be okay...

Things gets to be more complicated day by day...

November 5, 2018 - we got news from our ENT doctor regarding the final biopsy result of Cianne thru a phone call. What used to be a benign lesion is now "Embryonal Rhabdomyosarcoma" - a kind of rare cancer in children and hers was even more rare that it manifested on her cheeks (doctors say common location is legs and arms).

Yes, our little precious CIANNE has cancer! πŸ’”πŸ˜­ (BUT SHE WILL BEAT IT IN NO TIME, IN JESUS NAME!)

Hearing this made our whole family's world stop. Truly devastating. How?! Why?! We were just waiting for the result, positive that just like the first one - it would still be benign and diagnosis would be Cranial Faciitis. Let her heal and we're right back on track. But no, it didn't turn out as what we prayed and hoped for. That moment, I couldn't think of anything else but "WHY? WHY MY DAUGHTER?" How in the world could this happen?! But this is the hard reality we are faced with right now...

Cried my eyes out infront of our altar hoping there could still be a miracle and that next day (Nov 6, 2018) would be a different story when we meet our ENT doctor. Hoping she could still deliver a good news rather that the first one we heard. Hoping they just made a mistake in reading the results. Prayed like I never did before in my entire life just to hear a different news but unfortunately, we didn't..

How can doctors tell us that our very active, always hungry, inquisitive 6 year old has cancer? Words like chemotherapy, radition therapy, oncologist, etc.. were being talked about but my mind's floating. I cannot digest their words in my system and how I pray so hard everyday that this is all just a bad dream. That we all wake up from, ASAP. Fast forward to when my daughter gets better, please? 😭

This is one hell of a roller coaster ride. Today we get a good news and all spirits are high once again but the next day someone delivers a bad news and we go crashed once again. Like starting all over again. We move a step forward today but two steps back the next day πŸ˜” There are so many questions in my mind but I know no one has ever answered those too.

After 31 days in the hospital, we are now back for work ups (admitted again since Nov 11) - ctscan, bone scan, bone marrow aspiration. We were supposed to be discharged today as all tests were done already (Nov 14) but after ctscan another bad news came our way. Cianne's operation site developed puss, causing the discharge from her ear and swelling on her eyes and face. She underwent another operation today to remove the puss inside which means we still cannot go home until it clears 😭 Please help us pray that all will be removed and no tumor left or recurred πŸ™πŸ» she's still in pain from the bone marrow aspiration done to her last night 😭 (sedation after sedation).

Every poke, sedation, IV transfer breaks my heart to its core. But more so for this little girl who's been so traumatized with all this ordeal. We even heard her say while crying her heart out: "Mama I'm tired already, how many "tusok" do they still need?" She would ask us every single thing unfamiliar to her that she would hear from the doctors and nurses. "What' O.R. mama? Why do I need to go there again daw?", "Is my IV line okay? Ayoko na ilipat", "What's bone marrow?", etc... and we try to explain it to her the best way we could - give information that her young brain could grasp and make her somehow strong and prepared for what's to come.

Took me a while to share this unfortunate news to the world as I really cannot process in my mind all the information we got. Apologies for that as we know a lot of you have been asking for updates about Cianne. I need to muster enough courage and strength to tell our story. I have been reading and talking to people who've had the same journey as ours (to draw a bit strength) but I still cannot take it in 😭 Sorry if I still haven't replied to messages but your words of encouragement and concern are truly appreciated πŸ™πŸ»

But we know (again), this is a fight we cannot do alone. We badly need all the PRAYERS we can get for our little girl (FRANCESCA CIANNE) - that she may be strong and resilient enough to endure all these and beat this fuc*** cancer out of her system. And also for our family - that we may always be in top shape to be able to care for her 100% and strength to face this battle.

We are so grateful to all our friends and relatives and even complete strangers who have been so generous in sharing their blessings with us thru the gofunding page and direct deposits - this made our battle somehow lighter to carry. May God bless you a thousand folds πŸ™πŸ» But as hard as it may be, we humble ourselves as we knock on your generous hearts once again to help us with this long battle ahead of us (numerous chemotherapy sessions, radiation therapy, confinements for chemo and a whole lot more financially draining expenses). Clicking the link below and sharing our gofunding page would mean a lot to our family πŸ™πŸ» and most importanly your prayers. Please please include CIANNE in your prayers always.

There are miracles - we believe God will fully heal Cianne and we will be victorious in this battle. With all our prayers combined, we know our little cianne will beat this illness that sucks!

Our mission now: #MakeCianneHappy as we know we need to lift her spirit up inspite of all this.

#CianneWillWinThis
#CianneFightsRhabdomyosarcoma
#LoveArmyForCianne
#ChildhoodCancer

Here's the link for the funding page πŸ™πŸ» hope you can click the share button too πŸ™πŸ» THANK YOU SO MUCH!

https://gogetfunding.com/love-army-for-cianne/

Bank account for direct deposits:
BPI Savings account
Maria Claret Punzalan
3549084124

BDO Savings account
Maria Claret or Frederick Punzalan
001120506695

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