Help Susanne to change and empower her Life, by training in and becoming certified in nutrition and kinesiology! All so that she can help others to change and empower theirs!
Hello! My name is Susanne and I am unsure with how it all works here on this website, and what I'm supposed to do. Having this page at all is also a completely new experience for me, in asking for help this way.
I would like to train in kinesiology and need €2500 in order to do it.
I cannot fund this on my own. Up until early 2016 I was financially independent, with a business where I renovated old wood floors. I have done this type of work for the last 14 years and mostly also very gladly. It is always fun to see how old wood can restore their lustre and, as a result, the energy in a space can change.
2013 was a year of change. Going further back, in 2006, the members of my family passed away.
It began with my 10 years younger sister, due to a sudden cardiac arrest. Very soon after this, my uncle was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer...and so on it went every year after that, with the passing away of either a family member or one of the pets. Until finally, on the 1 st of January, 2013 came the death of my mother, unexpectedly and violently to me. I did not feel prepared for this at the time, because I still had to accept that my mother had decided not to speak with me about it.
It was on this day, the 1 st of January 2012, that I found my mother unexpectedly unconscious – unaware as I was that she was ill – and I had to call the ambulance for her. It was in the hospital that the full extent of her illness was explained to me. Not only did I need to deal with that shock, but I also had to deal with all the processes of decision-making for her care, such as resuscitation and ventilation. That year was my first Christmas without family, as on the 31 st of December, the doctors told me that my mother suffered several strokes, and was now brain-dead.
2013 began with the death of my mother at the age of 65 years, on the 1 st of January.
On the 3rd of January, I began to discover that my mother had passed away heavily in debt.
To try and cope with all this, I did was I could to see the brightness and happiness in things – it was something I felt very important to do. I partially succeeded.
2013 was simply too much for me. I was often tired and at the same time my sleep became disturbed. I often felt annoyed in dealing with my customers, powerless to change things with them in my business.
At the end of 2013 I went into the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Starting 6 months after the death of my sister, I had my first panic attack with a suspected acute heart attack – later realised to be affected by psychosomatic symptoms.
I abruptly quit smoking because I could no longer 'taste' them. From that point, things became really bad. I felt completely powerless, could not breathe well and yoga was very painful – just sitting left me with such physical exertion that I was sweating.
It got to the point where I could no longer go up and down stairs, with no way of helping myself to use stairs in my home, it was only made possible by taking breaks. Without the help of crates or windowsills to hold onto, I could not stand up from the ground. To go straight from sitting or on the ground to standing was difficult. I then began needing to put focus on my big toes in each foot in order to run. It got to the point that I could not raise my feet at all. I had more or less the speed of a duck with motor disorders.
At this point, it became clear that all my symptoms were simply too much and too severe to be only psychosomatic. My doctors were also now of the same opinion – I eventually was given the diagnosis of sarcoid (not too bad) systemic endzundlich. The framework of the underlying disease causing a condition such as mine is musk misery ignition, otherwise known as "myositis". The type that I have is rare, and at the moment, my doctors believe it is also a chronic condition.
My plan was to hope for a cure and that it would start to work. Instead, I now am receiving the second highest dose of cortisone possible. I have more experience with doctors, hospitals and also the bureaucracy than I ever wanted.
This spring I finally understood what I need to do to help myself. First much come acceptance, but in order to accept that this is chronic, I also have needed to accept this year that there will be no more floor work for me. I am still not fit enough for a regular work, and as a result, I have gained weight, and my whole life and each of my beliefs is in question.
I have ended my business, and I have stopped trying to fight against the disease.
I have instead become accustomed to acting on and finding workable solutions to my life. In the past, I was able to perform and could always rely on my strong body. This is now no longer.
In the past, I was accustomed to fighting my corner for things, but I have learned that sometimes you can do no more than bear witness to the suffering done.
Confidence in yourself, to life, in the universe – it always sounds great, and I've realised that I do this already, also. But now is the time for me to learn to truly trust. Trust begins when there are no more bricks, when I no longer feel without power.
I have so much in my life learning and life experience that should - and also can - help me to help others. I am now at the point where I would like all these experiences and capabilities to count towards my life goals. I know I have things to offer and I am capable, even in what can seem incapable spheres. My doubts and fears do not need to get in my way. Even if I am in a wheelchair or crutches someday, I have things to offer and that I can do for work, to help others. I would like to be a nutrition consultant, and one way to do this is through training in ecological education, and helping others who are in similar situations. With training, I will be able to help them discover how to empower themselves and their lives, and to learn how changes in their nutrition and kinesiology can help them regain power in their own lives. And in completing this training, I will be able to help and empower myself, too.
To everyone who has read this all the way through, I thank you for your interest and your patience.