Help Me Pay Debts and Startup New Life

Assalamualaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh

This is a very embarrassing thing to tell, but hopefully this action is not wrong as my endeavor to be better.

I am a 25 year old woman named Ayu, I was a university student in Palembang, Indonesia. With a mediocre family circumstances, my father was a driver and my late mother who was a teacher became the backbone of my family and funded my education.

In 2010 the mother was sentenced to suffer from a chronic illness that had to undergo hemodialysis for about a year until she breathed her last. Not long after his death, the father remarried and for reasons of rejection sent me away from home.

I left Palembang at that time. My education stalled, to finance my living and eating I worked odd jobs from the lawful to the haram I did. With the troubling troubles of problems I was trapped in the dark world, becoming a drug addict from the wrong environmental friendship, which I encountered at the time.

On the basis of a weak religion, I lived a purposeless life for several years. How cruel the shackles of drugs make my life worse at that time. Cause I was in debt everywhere, until unconsciously my debt has reached thirty millions of rupiah ($2000usd). It requires me to stay mobile to avoid debt collectors.

Until early 2018, when I was desperate for the life I was living, there was no place to ask for help, when I faced the death door at that time I was almost over dose, God showed me my mother's smile in the delusions I experienced , his pain during treatment, my iniquity to my father, the sins I had been doing, even my desire to end my life at that time but with the gift and power of God Azza Wa Jalla, the guidance was coming. With great shame as a sinful servant, I prostrate for the first time in years without even ever walking on Him.

For several days my mentally disturbed, to talk, to do something or anything. All that remains is the feeling of tightness, regret, and sob that can not be shared with anyone because I live alone at that moment. Only God I have turned out, only God we have. A glimmer of light begins to enter into my heart which is dirty with sin.

I went home with such great embarrassment and sin, begging my father for forgiveness for marrying again. And it turns out that father has divorced his new wife when I get out of the house, he regrets having expelled his own child at that time. What a disgrace I am as a child who breaks the bond with his parents and his own family for years.

I am currently rearranging my life from scratch, drawing closer to the Divine, studying religious knowledge, and working for kosher rizki to pay for life and paying my piling debts, although I have little trouble finding work when I decide to wear hijab and niqab.

I want to pay off all the debts I have, so that there will be no more coverage in the afterlife. Getting back to life well from the second chance that Allah Almighty Aza Wa Jalla has given me and not wasted it.

I intend to apply for a grant aid from this Foundation to relieve the debt of usury that is ensnaring me and the capital to restart my life from the beginning.

Jazakallah khairan katsiran.

May Allah Azza Wa Jalla repay his generosity all of you with heaven.

Aamiin ya mujibbas saailin.

Wassalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,