Help free our sister

They say that JUSTICE is one of the most difficult things to find in this world. While the world shouts of injustice here and there, this friend of mine experienced it in a very personal and deep level. With that, I am helping her raise her bail bond to somehow make her feel that despite everything that she went through, some people see her and feel her pain to a point of giving. Her story is quite sad and depressing coz she certainly had been through a lot but feel free to read it so you can also get to know her. She is presently 21 years old and I am sorry if I cannot reveal her real identity. If you find it in your heart to donate for this cause, we greatly appreciate your help and may God bless your heart.

Here goes her story…

As a child, I remember my parents were always fighting. There were times when my father got home from work drunk and would become aggressive and throw stones at our house while we were inside, and my Mother would be angry and chase my Father with bolo in her hands. That was always a recurring scenario in our house.

I was 4 years old when I got home after school with my older brother and sister and my mother was nowhere to be found. She left a note on the door saying she was leaving us. My father then decided to look for my Mother and left us by ourselves at home. I was the youngest of three children, and I was only four years old then, while my brother was 10 and my sister was 6. When one of my older cousins heard that my father left, they took away all our things at home saying it would serve as payment for my father’s debt. I remember my brother crying so hard because there was nothing left to us that he wanted to kill himself. He went to the middle of the road to be run over to die; fortunately, there were no vehicles passing by that day. I do not recall how many days we were left alone with no food then, but I do remember our neighbors taking pity on us and giving us their left-over food. When my maternal grandparents heard that my parents abandoned us, they then took us to live with them. Looking back, I thought it was the end of our suffering.

I was Grade One, barely 6 years old, when my teenage cousin who lived with us with our grandparents raped me, saying it was revenge on me because my father raped his sister. I did not tell anyone about It because I was afraid. Again, I thought it would be my last misfortune. After I graduated elementary, my grandparents said they could not afford to send me to high school. It was around that time that my mother came back in our lives and took me to live with her and her new family.

When I was in first-year high school, only eleven years old, I told my mother everything that happened to me—that my cousin raped me; I trusted her, that she would be my protector and I would be safe with her because she was my mother. But I was wrong, with my mother’s consent, I was raped by my stepfather several times, if I refused, she would beat me with chopped wood until it would break. Many times my mom was in front of me when the act was done. I felt so unloved and worthless. Even when my younger half siblings made mistakes, I was the one punished. My mother always told me to work harder because I was not her responsibility. To work hard for my food because it was not her responsibility to feed me and that it was my father’s. That it was up to me to finish my studies, and to do it without her help. I wanted to run away but I did not have anywhere else to go. My mother threatened me that if I would run away and go to my grandparents, cousins, or aunts because she would find me and beat me and shave my head. I had nowhere to go, I felt so alone and miserable; I was afraid of my own Mother. I hated them all, even wishing that I was never born. I hated my father for abandoning me. I hated my mother who was supposed to love and cherish me, my confidante, my protector, betrayed me, her child, and pushed me to my misery. Why everyone who is my age has a life far different from mine – they have wonderful parents who love them and protect them. Why were mine different, I wished I had parents like them, parents who would protect me, cherish, nurture, and love me. I also hated my half-siblings because my Mother loved them, different from how she treats me. Several times I tell myself that there was something wrong with me that is why no one cared about me, no one loved me. I hated God for letting me suffer; I questioned God for bringing all these tragedies on me, questioned him, why of all people, why did it have to happen to me? Why I was alive, why I was suffering like this? What wrong have I done to deserve this? Was it because I looked like my Father? My Mother always told me that I looked like my father. I was hurt. I hated them. I then questioned the existence of God. Was there really a God? If He was indeed real, why was I suffering like this? I did not ask to be born in this world! Why was I here? What is my purpose? Was it only to suffer and be miserable?

I was raped and beaten several times throughout the three years I stayed there. I was in fourth-year high school when my cousin Anna visited us and decided to take me to live with her. I told my cousin Anna what they have been doing to me and she helped me file a case against my Mother and stepfather. When they heard about the case, they fled however they got caught 5 years later and are now in jail with the case still ongoing. After that, I lived peacefully for a brief period. But I got into a conflict with my cousin Anna so her sister Julie took me in and I lived with them. My cousin Julie was married with a four/five-year old son John. I was tasked to take care of her son and clean the house.

I decided to trust them because they were a Christian family, who went to church every week. They knew what I have been through, so I thought I found a new family who were God-fearing, but I was again proved wrong. Cousin Julie’s husband started molesting me knowing that I had nowhere to go. It happened several times and I could not do anything to stop it. I was depressed and angry and blamed God for everything that happened in my life. Of all people, why me? Maybe I was born to suffer like this. I faced the truth that no one really loved me, no one cared for me, that I must not trust anyone because no one is trustworthy. When my cousin Anna knew what happened, she helped me file a case against Cousin Julie’s husband and took me in. I was severely depressed and suicidal; I tried to kill myself several times. Every time I saw a tall building, I wanted to jump off to end my miserable life, but every time I tried, something inside me stopped. I tried to drink muriatic acid in my mind thinking it would be a quick death but every time I looked for it, I could not find it. I tried to choke myself to death. I tried several methods, but none were successful. In my mind, with my countless miseries and tragedies, there was nothing to lose if I were to die. No one loved me, no one cared, and no one would cry if I would die. in my mind, I could finally rest and be at peace. But each time, something would stop me.

They tried to stop us from filing a case saying that if we will not drop our charges they will file a case against me. After I filed the case, they also filed a case against me using their son, saying that I molested John, the boy I was looking after. I was so devastated that they used a kid I treated as my own brother! I was advised to make a counter-affidavit and was assigned to a pro bono lawyer. The lawyer reassured me as I passed my evidence to him, indicating that I was no longer at Cousin Julie’s house by the time they claimed I molested their son. I had sufficient evidence including our exchange of messages. Every time I would follow up my lawyer, he would always tell me to wait and kept promising to help me and that I should not be worried. Things got more complicated when my lawyer didn't pass a counter-affidavit. Because of this, the case against me proceeded, then I was issued a warrant of arrest. By this time, I was emotionally and mentally down because the world was so unfair, no one wanted to help me because I was poor and did not have a family. I had no hope, my life was a mess. In this world, I felt like there is no justice for the poor. I did not feel that God was there for me, I was alone in this big and unfair world. I felt like my life was so worthless. I have nowhere to go, I wanted to get even, to get the justice I deserve but I did not know how! I have no future. I thought that before I die, I wanted to kill those people who hurt me. I even thought to join the NPA to gain justice for myself. I did not care if it was hard or if I was going to die there since I was going to die anyway. I did not care if I were to hell since my life was a living hell already.

Nevertheless, even with all these negativities in my mind, God was working on His own ways. He touched the heart of my Christian doctor who I was already seeing for my depression. She offered to shelter me and live with her and her friend as I looked for another lawyer to help me with the case. They wholeheartedly welcomed me and introduced me to the Grace of God, that I am not alone. I have a Father in Heaven who loved me, a Father who will not abandon me. That God knows everything, that He is there for me, that He is in control. Whenever I cried, and hear a christian song I would cry harder, but this time because I am comforted that the songs were for me. I did not understand my feeling, I no longer felt alone. They gave me a bible, and I started reading verses after verses that lifted up my spirits. In 2 Chronicles 20:15 it says, "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but Gods" and in Isaiah 41:13, "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; It is I who say to you, fear not, I am the one who helps you" and in Isiah 41:10, "Do not fear for I am with you; Do not be dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you with my righteous right hand." And that day I was saved, I surrendered my life to the Lord and asked His forgiveness for my sins, for questioning His existence, for blaming Him for everything that happened in my life. I trust Him because I know that He is there for me, that He loves me. I trust His plans for me because I know that His plans are the best for me more so than my plans. And now I know that He found me, He reached out for me because He loves me. Now I can say that God is real, He is faithful, and He is true.And God reminded me in Romans 12:19-21 it says “beloved, never avenge yourselves but leave it to the wrath of God for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord. To the contrary if your enemy is hungry, feed Him; If he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” I was reminded of those who hurt me. That God is Justice, He knows everything, He knows what I have been through, and I know He is in control. God healed my broken heart, especially the anger and the grudges that I held inside, He changed my heart. I found the love that I have been longing for in Christ Jesus alone, I found peace in my heart through Jesus Christ.

Even though I still have a big problem that I am facing right now, I know that God is with me, that He is going through these battles with me, that I am not alone, and I'm clinging to His promise that My God will supply all my needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. That I am a new creation the past things are gone behold the things are new, I am God’s workmanship created of His own image, that I am special. I now forgive everyone who has hurt me, my cousin who raped me, my mother, my stepfather, my Father, and my cousin and her husband; I forgive them. Even though sometimes when I remember it, I still feel the pain, but I still choose to forgive them. God changed my perspective in life, that they are not my enemy, my real enemy is Satan who uses everything and everyone to hurt me and to destroy me but God which is in me is greater and powerful than the devil, I trust my God as He said that What the enemy meant for evil God will turn it for good, that All things work together for good to those who love the lord and call according to his purpose. As the Scripture said in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” He is the source of my strength, my peace, and my happiness, I am saved by Grace through faith in Christ Jesus.

Now I have peace in my heart and mind, and in the future, I know that God owns everything, that He's in control, He owns my life, if He wants to take it, He can. I know that nothing is impossible to Him. My God is greater than my giant, I know that He loves me, and He will protect me. I trust His plans because I know that it is the best for me. God knows what is good for me and He wants the best for me, and I trust Him. I know that this World is not my Home, and My real home is in heaven, that I am an ambassador of God and I'm a Princess because my Father is a King. To God Be all The Glory.