When I got my first cancerdiagnosis (melanoma) three years ago they said I would be dead within a year. My friend sent me flowers and the words that became my mantra: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
When I got my second cancerdiagnosis (chromofobe kidneycancer) two years ago they said I shouldn't get my hopes up for making it until christmas. This was in september.
When the melanoma came back and they found a melanoma-metastasis in my right groin lymphnodes my lack of faith became disturbingly low. The m-tumour grew at an alarming speed and within two weeks it went from 0,5 cm to 8 cm. They cut it out and radiated the area with maximum dosage.
- you're well now, they said.
- we cured you, they said.
Five days later they found a 8x8 cm tumour in my right lung and several more all around it.
My husband cried when the doctor told us. Months to live. Atleast it wasn't just weeks. I didn't cry. I'm not afraid to die. Death doesn't scare me. Leaving the love of my life and our three wonderful sons behind paralyzes me with fear. So I decided not to.
Meanwhile, calmly awaiting a cure for cancer, I started a fundraiser called "heaven is overrated".
It's main goal is to raise money to help mainly young mothers and fathers, whose life has been turned upside-down by a cancerdiagnosis. The money ain't for research, nore is it much enough to pay for treatment, but it is a way to say "hey, today cancer has to stand back. Today we can pretend everything is peachy and You're going to dinner with your friend/to the movies/get a Nintendo wii for your kids/a new pair of booths to go with your new bald "haircut"/be able to go on a small trip/eat out in that new restaurant around the corner/buy new yarn so you finally can finish that angorashirt you've Bern struggling with for years."
I can't buy them time but maybe I can help take the edge of the misery for a moment or two. And i get to show my sons (Loke 7yrs, Elis 5yrs and Jack 3yrs) that there is still hope in the world, that there is goodness, that people are willing to help one-another.
That it ain't over until it's over and that their mother will take on the world to stay with them and their amazing father.
I put my faith in karma and love.
I hope you do to.