Vulnerability was not my first instinct after my manic episode.

 

At first, the plan was to bury it down deep. Why did anyone need to know? If I had been in a car accident or been hospitalized for appendicitis, that was one thing. It most likely would have been plastered all over Facebook anyway. But being hospitalized in the intensive psychiatric care unit for a severe manic episode with psychosis? How do I explain that one? I felt ashamed and embarrassed. And frankly, I was very confused as to how my mind could betray me like this. It all felt so real!

 

So I tried to hide it, making up another reason why I was away from my business for 6 weeks. I was afraid of what people might think of me or of putting them in an awkward situation of not knowing how to respond.

But this just left me with a horrible feeling that I wasn’t being truly authentic to myself and others. By hiding my experience, I was guilty of giving into the mental health stigma.

 

Deciding to be open to others and talk about my mental illness was one of the most important parts of my recovery.

 

I started by talking to close friends and family and each time I talked about it, it got a bit easier. As I continued to open up, I found that most people generally did one or both of these things when they heard about what happened to me: (1) they showed amazing kindness, empathy, and support, (2) they opened up to me about issues that they or their loved ones have had with mental illness. These two reactions instantly comforted me because it took the shame out of my experience and I no longer felt alone with what I was going through.

 

But there was a third reaction to my story: (3) people distanced themselves. This was tough. It felt to me like there was an elephant in the room that they weren’t going to acknowledge. I went through an incredibly traumatic event, like getting hit by a car and having a near death experience. Hearing crickets chirp afterward was isolating and hurtful.

 

It is for these moments that I, and many others with mental illness have experienced, that I am choosing to run this race to raise awareness for mental health issues.

 

Over the next few weeks I will be posting more details of my manic episode with you to encourage authenticity and openness when it comes to mental health issues.

 

I also share my story get the conversation going on ways to respond that are both helpful and unhelpful to someone with a mental illness. I don’t have all the answers but surely together we can come up with a way to understand people with mental illness and ultimately love and support each other better.

 

This burden is too big for one person.

 

-Trisha