Its been a while since I have sent out a update and to be honest it is because I haven't had anything positive to update with. However today is a new day and I am finally feeling “normalish”. This second treatment was really hard on my body. Since I was sick with my first treatment my oncologist suggested I be put on a hydration IV at home for 4 days after treatment which was great. For those day I felt really good but when they stopped I crashed pretty hard and took a while to recover. I do not mind that the treatment is hard my body but what I do care about is that I miss so much time with my family during the recovery part. I am so blessed that my kids have amazing support around them. My mom, Uncle and best friend took the kids to Chuck E Cheese on one of my bad days and the kids had a blast! I am so thankful that they have people around them who love and want to do fun things with them when I am not able too but I also wish I was there to take them and enjoy in the laughs. I hate that cancer takes that away from me. I hate that cancer is making my family suffer, I hate that cancer kicks you when you are already down BUT let me tell you, it makes those moments when I can be there with my kids so much more special. Today I was strong enough to walk Tegan to school. It was freezing but I loved every step we took. This weekend I get to take Tegan to her very first friends birthday party and I can’t wait to see her have fun with her friends. I also got to spend today with Hayden and actually take the time to potty train him. Sounds weird that I am happy I get to potty train him, but I am happy that I have the energy to chase a naked toddler around with a portable potty and its not someone else doing it.

It is the small things that I appreciate so much more. People keep saying “you’re so strong", “you’re so inspiring” but the truth is, if this happened to you, you would be the same way. When I first found out I had cancer I kept thinking to myself. I finally have the man who I have always dreamed I would marry, I have the family I have always wished for and I have a career I can honestly say I love and then THIS happened. Cancer does not let you choose your future but it does open your eyes to things that really matter and how you handle your journey is your story. I am living life with new eyes now. I do not take the simple moments for granted anymore. So I guess I can thank Cancer as foolish as that sounds. I might be singing a different tune as treatment goes on and it gets harder but for now I am not mad at Cancer. I am thanking Cancer for putting this challenge in front of me so I can KILL IT! The dark days are dark but with the help of my family and the friends who have stepped up and shown me what true friendship is all about I know I can take this on. Cancer might kick me a bit but it wont keep me down. Not without a little kicking back of my own.

#Igotthis #suckitcancer