This is the first time I have ever asked for something like this, I guess it is out of pure desperation.
I have been together with my girlfriend for almost 7 years now, I used to live in the Philippines together with her, I used to work there, we both worked and had a happy life.
I had extended my visa for maximum amount of times and my work permit was expired, I came to the point where I had to leave the country due to visa rules, but we just couldn't separate, we were so attached to each other and I was already feeling at home there I couldn't imagen leaven, I also did not have the funds to go back to my country and then travel all the way back at the time, it was too costly for us at that point.
So what I did was the biggest mistake, I overstayed my visa just so we could stay together and didn't have to separate yet, I was avoiding immigration and this went on for year and till I got letters to show up and having a penalty to pay, in the end I had to admit myself to immgiration and with the help of the embassy I was deported, with a penalty given, and a penalty that i can only re-enter the country if i pay a fine of around a thousand euros that I had overstayed.
My girlfriend always wanted to have a baby, and I also knew she would make a great mother, if i could imagen anyone to be the mom for my child it would be her, she is the only person I ever considered having a baby with, but we knew I had to leave, I discussed it with her that its hard for me because I dont know how fast I can come back, I dont want to miss my babies birth and him growing up without a father first months, but she promised it will be fine, and she really wanted it, I knew she would really break if I was gone and left her alone there, so I did it for her, I wanted it too, but I knew how hard it would be for me if i would agree to it at this time with all the uncertaincy, I dont have a good education back in my country and no good qualifications to get a job and save up quickly, I had always struggled with work in my country thats why I left in the first place, i got better chance abroad, still we did it, she really wanted it and I couldnt leave her broken, I just tried to be positive and promise myself that I would go back as soon as possible.
Then came the day I had to leave, I couldnt eat, the last few days, I was really depressed, my stomach was in my throat of stress, I slept holding my hand on her belly firmly the last night, then onto the airport, my girlfriend was 4 months pregnant at this point, saying goodbye to her on the airport was the hardest thing I ever had to do, we had been together for 6 years every day living together, and it's my first child in her belly, it was such a huge thing and descision for me, it was so heavy, and I knew that I wouldnt be able to come back easily, I knew that there was no certaincy on how fast I could come back.
But I promised that I would be back very soon, and that it will all be fine soon, I kept convincing myself of this too.
At home I first was happy to see my family again, but then came the emotion and gap in my heart, I didnt feel at home even though I was in my country, suddenly I lay alone in my bed in my mothers house every day, having to see her belly grow on facebook video, seeing her struggle and doing everything alone, i felt so hopeless, It crushed me really.
I did my best to try and get a job, but first there were issues with my adress since I was de-registred, I had to fix a lot of things and weeks went by, then for months I could not get a job fast it was very frustrating, I went to countless of outsourcing companies, stores, malls, I even begged for a job, i asked my family for help, my friends to help with a job, nothing, however I never gave up and kept applying, for anything, I said I was willing to do anything if I could jus start soon.
I got a job after Months, a meager job, but at least something, i had to take anything, but with the things and bills to pay there is barely anything left to save up for the flight ticket and fee for re-entering the country, so now for months I was still not able to go back to them.
Also my girlfriend had to stop working to take care of the baby, so now she also barely don't have any money, i tried to send some money for her to get by as well, but it is nearly impossible for me to save the costst to o go back soon, at this rate I will see him when he can already stand up, and won't know who I am at all, this breaks me I wish I could just go there now.
I missed his child birth, knowing that she was in labor and there was nothign i could do not hold her hand not anythign was really hurting a lot, I had to see him on video instead of holding him when he was born, I had to see him grow up and make his first sounds on video, I see everyone hold him except me, everytime I see him on video I can barely handle it, I wish I could just go through the screen and grab him.
If I just had the money I would drop everything and fly to them right now, I already had job offers there to go back and work, a german friend also offered me to work at his company, we could even stay at his house or my girlfriends families house until I got the work, and If im there my mgirlfriend also would have a lot of relief now shes taking care of the baby all alone. if I could do it i would go right now, but i cant, and i have to keep struggling here for i dont know how long until i can go back, ive been really pulling my hair out and unstable lately, just getting by tryiung to stay strong, but everytime i see my baby I get depressed because of how fast he's growing and I still havent seen him.
This is why I decided to give funding a try, its the only thing I can think of that could help me go sooner, I doubted for a long time since it's quite embarrasing to ask for help like this publicly, but my feelings are too much at this point, I just want to go to them.
I dont know if my story or reason is good enough for this but its just a desperate attempt for help.
All this time I had been living with my mother again like I was 17 again working a crap job trying to save up to go back, depressed in bed every night before i go to sleep with nothing but memories left of how happy I used to be.
If anyone would help me with this I would be so grateful, It would really help us a lot and i would never forget it, It would make such a big difference for me, I could still experience some of his first months growing up, hopefully still make him know me on time, and still hold him while hes a baby.
I need more money for a flight ticket and the penalty fee to re-enter the country, and some expenses for commutting from and to the airports, preparations.
If I can get the help for this, I would be forever greatful, and I will work hard to never let this happen again in the future.