Let me introduce you to Nic, my husband. He woke up in January 2017 and could not talk. Just like that. No warning. We were on holiday so decided to go home. On the way home we were traveling through a place called Calvinia and were caught in a wind pocket and driven off the road into a Calvert. The car was written off in the accident. Looking back now I believe the accident was caused by what was happening in his brain and the conditions of the road.The next day when we could get back home I took Nic to the Dr as I thought maybe he'd had a stroke. He was hospitalized. Over the next 10 days and lots of scans we finally get the result. A tumour in the parietal lobe that has been bleeding and is surrounded by swelling. What's the worst about this you may ask? The silence ... For the last 13 years 24 hours a day we have been together and we talked all the time. I worked and he updated me on the news or on what's happening on Twitter or with Politics. That's all gone now.
Nic went for surgery to remove the tumour on the 10th February 2017. He was told that he may recover or the damage may be permanent. We don't know. What could be worse than that I thought.
Today I know, the results of the Tumour are in Stage 4 Cancer and its the most aggressive type. The prognosis is not good.
He has just completed his radiation treatments and the Chemo. He spend the last week of his radiation in hospital.
He has a severe anxiety problem. I think if you started out with anxiety issues in your life, then when something like this happens then they just come out in full force.
I can't work full time anymore and Nic can't work. I desperately need a carer for Nic. Our medical bills are piling up.
Nic relies on me fully. He is not able to make simple decisions, such as what to eat. I find myself more and more trying to live two lives, to remember the word he is trying to access, to make all the decisions for us. To remember everything.
The oncologist said to me the other day this is going to be hard for you as you were together so much for so long, I said to him, but I've already lost so much of my husband.
I'm not one to ask for much especially not help, but he is the love of my life. My breath. My everything. In the time that I have him, that he has understanding and can experience life, help me get him a quality of life that is at least average. Help me get him a carer, Help me get him someone to talk to while I work.
I have a blog that I write daily on being on the otherside of the bed, what its like from my side of the bed. I started the blog for two reasons, to help me get perspective and maybe it would help someone else that is facing what I am facing so feel so alone.
The blog can be accessed at www.removethesilence.wordpress.com