I am a military veteran that fought in the first Gulf War and came back mentally messed up. Once I came back. Then we did not know about PTSD or other issues that can happen when we see the things I saw and experience what I experienced. I was years later diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and PTSD. This came however too late, because I was already drinking too much and out of control due to these un-diagnosed issues, but I could not understand why I could not control myself. I was not like this before the war, but I didn't understand what had changed in me. I was to a point that I did not care if I lived or died. I now cannot sleep at night, because I am now scared to close my eyes with paranoia at night and I have anger issues that I am working on. I am now literally scared of the dark. This is coming from a man who is 6 foot 5 and 275 lbs. In April 2007 our business took a massive hit, right after I married my wife of now 7 years and we went from a great income to losing $16,000 in one year and having to lose our house and move in with the in laws for a while. That created a lot of stress not only on our relationship, but between my wife and the in laws as well. I decided to invest in myself again and went back to school to get my Bachelors in Business and am again in school for my Masters in Project management. Although I am investing in myself, we seem to be further and further in debt with no end in site with now over 100k in student loans. Even now with this new knowledge, we need to get back into what I was doing when we met, which was flipping houses. I am very good at finding the deal and improving the value of a small home for resale to produce a profit and an income for my family, but we need money to make money. My wife make too much to get government assistance, but not enough to pay all the bills and we just seem to be spiraling back down with no end in site. I buy mychilds clothes at thrift shops and I just know my wrong doing in the past and my issues from the military are affecting her and it is making me question myself and if I will ever be able to be the man and father she deserves. When I was younger I was a hot head and have been re-saved and find myself still answering to the fighting that happened 15 plus ears ago that was brought on by my PTSD and BI-Polar disorder that I had no idea at the time that I had. I want my children to be proud of their father and I am doing everything I can to do so, but I feel trapped. I have been in school for the last two years and no one will lend me a dime because I have no working record for those two years, but I can prove my knowledge and work ethic to anyone if need be and I promise to pay it forward once we make it out of this hole. I have never asked for help from anyone, not even my own parents, but I feel that I have no other option than to go on here and ask you the public to help me make my investment in myself work for my childrens future. I need help and someone that will find it in their heart to pay it forward and then once we make it, my family will do the same to other needy families. I also want to pay anyone who will lend us money back with 8 percent interest on that loan if they will aloow me to. Please help me make my children proud of their dad and help me fix my past failures as a man. I am seeking a government pardon in Ohio to get rid of my record, but again that to costs thousands to just get started. The record is soley from fighting and drinking. I have never stolen anything from anyone and I give every chance I get. Please help, I have changed who I am and what I am, but no one will give me the chance to prove it. I look at each day as a chance to be a better father, husband, friend, and just all around Christian brother. My son and I haven't spoke since he was seven and just started a few days ago to talk again and he is now 17. I wasn't in my right frame of mind when I was younger after the military and am working to correct that, now that I know what is and was wrong with me. My son is a hockey player that will soon play division one and I will need an income to be able to go see him play and with my extensive record of fighting when I was younger and everyone thinking I am a hot head, my degree doesn't seem to matter much. I have never seen him play hockey until a few days ago, I saw a stream of him playing in Boston at a Tournament, but he has never had his Dad in the stands to watch him, because he plays in AZ and now MASS and I am in Saint Louis. For jobs, once I have a background check done, they all tell me they have chosen someone else. Please help me get back to being a productive citizen to society. BTW, I graduated with my BSBA with a GPA of 3.96 and currently have a GPA of 3.90 in the MBA program for Project Management and still with my past military experience I cannot get hired. My family and I need any help we can get and this will help and I am truly blessed that a friend recommended I tell my story and post it here. I love you all and appreciate you just reading my story and your consideration. I never expect to get anything, but if I do I promise to make every dollar work to it' fullest potentil in my business and for the future of being a good dad to my kids and a better husband to my wife.
PLEASE HELP ME CONTINUE TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES AND BE THE MAN I SHOULD BE TO MY CHILDREN!!!!!