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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On May 17, 2020

Right, so we might have found medication that isn't hurting him. But it aint helping any either, aka he's in the same condition as before, just not yet getting worse in whatever ails him. On the other hand, he's getting quite a bit worse physically in general. Walking between the two rooms makes him dizzy. He can't stand for long at all.

In the meantime I can't even afford my mandatory health insurance.

don't know what to do anymore.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Apr 15, 2020

No, troubles do not end on my end, not ever.

Remember I said father's sick? Well, he's even worse now. Occasionally coughing up blood, coughing constantly 'till he pukes, heart is suffering a massive strain and the area around it hurts at almost all times.

Due to covid-19, our local hospital cannot provide much help unless you're in what is deemed to be fatal situation or corona. The best they can offer until then is a medicine trial. Meaning his medicine will be changed, and changed again, until something clicks, or restrictions are lifted and they can test him.

That said, meds are compensated. But compensated doesn't mean free. It means that the 250 euros for lung medication equals 75 euros for me (this is an example from mother's meds bill, his will be worse due to more common change up).

I have lost two of my three jobs, and am filling in what gaps I can with odd jobs, but that won't get us through this. If by some mad miracle you're in a position where you have something to spare, I can't tell you how much it would mean to us. From my mother who tries to keep sanity by folding and refolding laundry, to my obese father who lost apetite. To me, trying to keep my face neutral around them, all while breaking to pieces inside.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Mar 08, 2020

While mother's getting her meager disability that doesn't cover her medical needs, father continues to decline. We don't really know what is it just yet: he claims his bones and especially shoulders hurt, and is coughing real badly. He's weak, and not getting any better. Not gonna lie, I'm utterly horrified, and just keeping a straight face for the sake of not worrying them. His smoking could've caught up. Or it could be pneumonia, one I recently had. Or even just the flu. Either way, at his ripe age and medical conditions - any and all can be deadly.

I feel haunted.

Not even a full week ago I lost a job, and got limited in another (lost the job because they're letting people go; got limited, because they too want to let people go, but I'm a very hard worker, so I'll probably be the last). I can't afford any more tragedies.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Dec 21, 2019

Alright, so. For half a year I fought, and I fought, and I fought, and it seems like something has moved in mum receiving her disability. Some papers were literally made disappear, I'm not even joking. We had to get new ones, which took time, and money. And now the people whom we need to give the new stuff are on vacation, because hey, some people have holidays. So the soonest we get to moving this is mid next month. Which means I need to survive through the next month in whole, and make sure there's money to get places, pay insurance, get meds. Never have I ever hated living in small town the way I do these days...

I've borrowed money where I could, for with all the work I do, can't afford to be alive anyway. No disability for mum means she has no health insurance, and since it's mandatory to have it paid (if you work - your employer pays it), I had to do it from my pocket. With all the meds to be bought too.

Father is getting worse too, so medicine expenses increase, while I get less translation work, and utility bills rise. It's unclear what's wrong with him, he gets these awful chest pains, but due to being an obese diabetic - he's not taken very seriously in my small town, and we've no means to return from a big one if we were to ask ambulance to take him there.

I don't know what to do. This has been going on for so long, I just don't know anymore. I've no will to continue, but it's not just my life at stake, and I couldn't live with myself if I let anything happen to them, or if I knew I hadn't done all I could. I am, as of this month, 30 years old, 10 of which I spent living for them.

Thank You, everyone, for all your help. And believe me when I say, I'll understand if you no longer give a damn. I probably wouldn't either. But they're more important to me than anyone or anything, even myself. So I'll die trying.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Aug 13, 2019

The truth is simple: our health system is corrupt, and no one does anything they don't want to do unless you help them along, so to speak. So with broken arm ligaments, nonexistent hip joint, slipped back disks, real bad case of asthma, an atrophying heart chamber, and severe clinical depression, my mother, who barely walks due to jolting pain whenever she puts weight on her leg or back, has been denied disability on basis that it's not that bad, and she can totally go work.

The only way we can fight this is if we go get a few more doctors to stand by us, and all of them are paid visits (not to mention 50km away). I can't really ask anyone for anything anymore, so this will just be a general update, with me considering my options as to how can I support my mother further down this road.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Jul 15, 2019

Every summer for the next decade we'll have to reaffirm mother's disability. You know, in case her back disks got fixed, arm ligaments grew back, hip joint magically regenerated, asthma got cured, and so on, and on.

These trips take place 50km away from us, some visits to some doctors are paid, others require additional or repeated testing, which if not paid via some magical means: still have hidden fees left and right, from "buy your own paper slip" to "make sure that doctor gives a rats ass about you". Meaning we're running into paid walls left and right, including that of corrupt human beings.

I wish I had a choice to not be begging for help, but I don't. Not sure life worth this much pain, humiliation, and just constant troubles.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Apr 22, 2019

Right, I don't know what's going on, but apparently there's a wild virus going around. It's now been 12 days as both my parents are utterly incapacitated by it.

Mum's throat is bloody and raw, like it literally bleeds. Temperature shifts between 38C and 39C, cough is extreme too.

Father's throat is also very sore, and cough is worse, if that's even possible. He doesn't have as much fever though, luckily.

In these 12 days, I've spent over 80 euros on medication, and I'm just dumbfounded how expensive meds are. Please pray that I don't get sick, because if I can't work as much as I do - we're doomed.

Stay safe and healthy.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Feb 02, 2019

You ever been so close and yet so far away from a finish line? You probably have and thus can imagine.

Neither much time, nor much of the debts remain, meaning they're pressing in. Repossession would mean a loss of two jobs for me, and those two are the only thing that kept us above water, barely. Every month I am short to cover everything, all the bills, all the medical expenses. On top of that, it has been made worse: insulin for my father is no longer compensated. Electricity just got more expensive. Heating is wrecking havoc on the bills, and due to it being central and non-adjustable - there's nothing to be done but pay up.

Yet I write this with hope. Because they gave us an extra month of time. And because another debt we got still has until August. So all I need to do is make it through these two months, and that's the catch really.

I think stress has finally gotten the better of me. I am unable to eat, and when I do, I can't keep it down. My stomach feels like it's on fire. My muscles are cramping up badly too, even the ones in my arms. Insomnia is as bad as it was ten years prior, when I first faced what it's like to have medical debts no one can pay but you. When I first faced the need to give up myself so someone else has a chance at life.

Back then I gave all I had to help my mother survive cancer. And she only did due to your help, and that of my closest friends. Yet last week something happened again, she fell ill, got sick, and the pain intensified. Yes, she still lives without a hip joint, broken arm ligaments, and extreme pain in her back. On top of it, something in her heart is atrophying, I don't know the medical term in English, sorry. And she got asthma for which meds are also not compensated. Every time she gets sick - I worry out of my mind.

And if that wasn't good enough, my diabetic father fell ill too. He has heart problems, and requires a lot of different medications just to keep him feeling normal, functioning. His chest has been hurting to a point where he couldn't function though.

I've no plan right now. I rely on hope to not go mad, and on broth to keep functioning, working. Everything depends on my jobs, and my jobs depend on this damn debt. It's a strange sensation to be both mad and sad.

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Jan 10, 2019

I apologize to bother anyone again. But next month we're at risk at repossession, which would leave me without two paychecks, and put us back to point zero, since me having three jobs is the only thing that BARELY keeps us afloat.

We've 700 euros to pay in January, and 700 eur in February, and I can't scrape that big of a sum. If anyone at all can help, please consider doing so. I'd be happy to paint you a commission, I got much better at those, and I make great jewelry.

I beg for your kindness

ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/blackwood

paypal: paypal.me/soukyanjrv

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Update posted by Rasa Jankauskaite On Dec 27, 2018

I apologize to bother anyone again. But next month we're at risk at repossession, which would leave me without two paychecks, and put us back to point zero, since me having three jobs is the only thing that BARELY keeps us afloat.

We've 700 euros to pay in January, and 700 eur in February, and I can't scrape that big of a sum. If anyone at all can help, please consider doing so. I'd be happy to paint you a commission, I got much better at those, and I make great jewelry.

I beg for your kindness

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