TO MY ANGEL

HELLO,

Even if this story goes nowhere, I HAVE A SPECIAL STORY I MUST SHARE. Ok I don’t know where to start, but I must get a lot of what I am holding in off my chest.  I am from a small town in Delray Beach, Florida, and I moved when I was 20, to get away for change. I have this SPECIAL ANGEL in my life that GOD blessed me with. It’s a long story, but this angel came before I was even born. Her name is Bernastine Holloman, she found my birth mother beat up and drugged up on the side of the road as she was going into labor with me. She rushed my mother to hospital as she coached her on delivering me. Her words to me were “I delivered you with your mother.”  She said, “I told your mother you better push, when I push you push. We both pushed, and I pushed and pushed so hard, and when you came out; I ended up passing out myself for pushing so hard.” She then said, “Your mother had you on her knees.”  If it had not been for her, I wouldn’t be here today. I want you to know that my angel has been my MOTHER ever since. My birth mother was in and out of prison all my life, on drugs, and diagnosed with full blown AIDS. My birth mother gave birth to 3 sister before me and 2 brothers after me, which were all taken away from her. I am 26 years old, and 1 of my younger brothers I never seen in my life. Bernastine found my sister standing in one of my family members drive way crying at the age of 3 or 4; beaten really badly by a family member’s boyfriend, where she had weeps on her back, from being beaten by a cord. She took her home called police and feed her, she told me my sister ate like she didn’t eat for days.  She tried her best from all the years I’ve known to help my mother out the streets and be a better person. Bernastine has been so special to me (which I didn’t mention she did have one birth child of her own, Katrina and she was older with 3 children of her own.) Why was her heart so big to take me in when she didn’t have to? She is so special; she ended up get into fostering children just so she could get my siblings to keep us together. So many years she pushed and pushed until she was able to get my little brother and older sister. I don’t remember the ages she got them, but I know they were young, I think my brother was either 1 or 2, and my sister when she was probably 5. I remember going to school and getting picked on so bad by kids saying they seen our crack headed mother walking down the street or breaking into people houses, it was different growing up and this is how people treated us. You know what though, Bernastine keep us protected from all of that. I was close to another one of my oldest sister and found out that she had AIDS too and later on she died and a couple years after that my birth mother body was found behind an abandon building. It was so hurtful because even though she wasn’t completely there she was my mother and I hate how she went. I was about 14 when my mother died. My brother bonded with my birth mother, he became so close to her and it hit him so hard; he started changing for the worse. Bernastine made sure we were well cared for. All this made her heart go out for children. I could remember a time in a 3 bedroom house it was 13 of us at one time staying there, ALL KIDS, ONE ADULT. Children in need, everyone knew where to go. She even turned the garage into a bedroom and she took that just to have extra space. She would then work so hard to get kids back with their parents or coach the parents to get on track. She was successful. In the end, she adopted my brother and sister. A couple years later someone called her to adopt a new born baby by the name of Jasmine, which she did and she is 10 years old right now.

One day, my mother whole world changed. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was about 16 and my mother had got really sick. It was a couple of days before Thanksgiving. She was rushed to hospital to find out she had kidney disease in both of her kidneys. I did not see my mother again until after New Year’s. While her life changed my life changed as well. I was forced to grow up and take care of my family. I didn’t understand the system, but I knew I didn’t want to lose my brother and sister again. I would do everything a mother would do. My older sister understood, but I knew my brother wouldn’t so I made sure Christmas happened for him. Katrina was a big help with that part as well. When my mother got out the hospital, I still was mommy. I was the one cooking, grocery shopping, paying bills, and taking up the slack from my mother’s end. It taught me responsibility and I never had a problem doing it because she was my hero. Since then, and still now, my mother has to wake up 3x a week every morning at 230am, drive herself to dialysis and sit on the machine from 330am till 930am. That machine sucks the life out of her, but for some reason she won’t sit still and rest she still tries to care for everyone, and make sure everyone is good before her own health. It’s to the point now that her kindness is taken for weakness and it hurts me. I’ve moved away into another state to better myself for me, because everything was so overwhelming with my other family members as we gotten older, I take care of my little sister Jasmine because of my mother’s illness.  Jasmine’s getting older and needs someone to do homework with her, be active with her, etc. I don’t work, I don’t receive assistance, but I push hard as I can, as if she was my own to make sure she is great. My mother is 61 now, and through the up and down days she still pushes. She is so strong, but token for granted. I don’t think anyone has really showed her how much they appreciate her. Sometimes she cries about being lonely and no one loves her and it kills me. She cries about how they treat her so bad, but she never stops doing. She even cries about her body hurts and she so drained and tired, but nothing stops her. PLEASE HELP ME! ONCE IN HER LIFE TIME I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT SHE IS SO MUCH APPRECIATED FOR ALL SHE HAS DONE FOR ME AND MY FAMILY! I want her to know that she was God’s gift on this earth, because a lot she didn’t have to do. She wasn’t gaining anything from it, but she did it because of her good heart. SHE IS REALLY SICKLY RIGHT NOW AND I PRAY HER CONDITON GETS BETTER, but it’s time for her to do for her for just once. I try so hard to show her and I try so hard to put my family together to do so, but it never works. She is now taking care of my sister and her two babies. She always said my kids can always come home. Now after being away for six years and I am so ready to go home to be with my mother and take care of her. I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve always prayed to win the lottery so even if I couldn’t get my mother a transplant I would be able to take her someone to enjoy herself. I’ve even tried to give her mines but I wasn’t compatible. I want her to know she is special she don’t have to cry anymore. PLEASE HELP!!!