Hello! I am Cynthia Ayesa Sabiño and the other night, I was so depressed. Been crying a lot clouded by all these negative thoughts of "being a failure", "a useless daughter", "what if i'll just end my life scenario". Alongside, I was also haunted by my flaws and all my insecurities. I was hopeless.
I'm here to voice my inner self out hoping to reach some souls who may turn to see and believe that there's more in me, that I am made to do great things that could impact this world for the better.
Please here out my story.
I remembered that night, me and my mother were watching the very famous 3 Idiots movie (Indian movie that was so popular during year 2011), we cried a lot watching that movie. I find myself in the position of Farhan who was just forced to study engineering but he himself actually wanted to become a photographer. I even hinted my mother by telling her that I was so like Farhan. Those were actually the times where I was preparing to study college. What I always wanted was to pursue arts related course; either Fine Arts, Digital Arts, or Fashion Design. I was also drawn to tourism course (the moment I heard that it includes the study of Japanese language, I love Japan so so much! it's my dream country). I tried to tell my mother these options that I was drawn into, but sad to say, all I did get from that moment I told her were my overflowing tears. My mother discouraged me explaining reasons, that I am at a disadvantage if ever I pursue any of those courses. I tried convincing her if I can pursue architecture instead but apparently civil engineering was the best choice. . .for her. The decision was final and irrevocable. My fate was then sealed.
I do not dislike Mathematics that much, just neutral about it. I can still get along with Algebra and Trigonometry, but beyond that, I felt like drowning. To cut it short, I haven't really learned a lot during my 5 years study in college. I was not very much interested in civil engineering course, to put it simply. I graduated with barely passing grades. I was truly happy and grateful during that time that I finally graduated. I sincerely thank all the people who helped me along the way especially my mom who put all her effort to address all my needs. But deep within, I was not satisfied. I always thought of what ifs. What if I was given the chance to pursue those things that I truly want? I could have done so much more and made my family alot prouder.
And then it started, my thoughts of being useless & being a failure set sail when I failed my family's expectations of me. I reviewed for 6 months to prepare for the Civil Engineering Board Exam. Mathematics, Hydraulics, I was okay, but when it comes to Structural Engineering, that's where I lose all my strength to go on. One problem will take me a day or two to uncover how to solve. I was really very slow in learning it and it's always been a habit that everytime I am faced with a problem, I cannot let myself proceed on to the next one unless I finish solving the first one. And that took a lot of time for me. I want to properly learn, to definitely know in-depth but it's just too deep for me that I can't comprehend too well. And from that moment on, I was lost.
I tried giving it another shot, asked for my mother's approval to extend my review. More money wasted. Living here in Cebu City is no joke. I am well aware of this fact, but still, I failed again. This time, I was not able to pass the requirements on time so I never get the chance to take the civil engineering board exam. Another wasted expenses, wasted effort from my family, wasted time even. That is why I swore to myself to not rely on my mother anymore. I swore to one day continue and pursue that civil engineer license BUT expenses should be taken from my own pocket, from my own hard-earned work. I tried earning money while I was here in Cebu City but it was only enough to sustain my stay here. And here's where I come across with an opportunity that I am dying to go for.
I was scrolling on my facebook newsfeed, and I found Phil-Nippon Technical College's offer. Study Now, Pay Later Program. They are in alliance with big companies in Japan. Their main goal is to help the Philippines elevate, especially in the technological aspect. That is why these affiliated Japanese companies are hiring Filipino workers in Japan, for these people to adapt and experience for themselves and to ultimately learn and grasp this "technology transfer" from Japan to Philippines.
PNTC offers 10-11 months of study (first 5 months for learning the Japanese language, & 6 months for learning Industrial skills) and right after, graduates are given a sure job in Japan and will be deployed 1 or 2 weeks after graduation. Japan has always been my dream country. It's as if my previous life was originated there. I always wanted to learn Japanese language too! And I am very definitely willing to give it my all to excel in this field where I am passionate about. Aside from my personal liking, it also gives me financial security in the long term. This is the truth here in the Philippines: the monthly wage is small. More money will be earned when you work abroad. And that's where it hit me, I want to give back. To my parents, especially my mom who supported me all-throughout, to my family, to everyone who have impacted me deeply, and also to those who are in more need than me. And not just that, this is my lead into getting myself back to where I was lost before - my civil engineering license.
My only hindrance right now is how to deal with my daily meal expenses while studying there. Dormitory is already free. I tried asking for help from my mother's siblings who are working overseas since they are my immediate family but they also have other priorities to take into more consideration rather than my plea. I truly understand their side. It can't be helped. But this time, I'm sure of myself. I have full drive. I know this journey won't be easy. Life is always like that. But at least, I have pure motivation. And I really wanted to try and pursue something that I'm truly passionate about to see my truest potential. This chance is right in front of me and I want to grab it as quickly as I can. I am hopefully yearning to be enrolled this coming May 2018. Right now, I am compiling all the requirements that I can get here in Cebu City and hopefully next week I can go back to my hometown which is Plaridel, Misamis Occidental to gather other documents required.
This is my story and is still on-going. I sincerely need your support. I have always believed that I am made to do something that will impact this earth for the better. Please help me reach even just one step to get me closer to my goal. Thank you for hearing my inner voice out.
Cynthia Ayesa Sabiño
❤ REWARDS! REWARDS! REWARDS! ❤
Hi! It's me again, Cynthia Ayesa. I've been thinking a lot lately on how to give something back
to any soul who'll support me in this journey.
An Act of Kindness Surely Deserves a Heartfelt Reward!
So, I have come up with this!~ DRAWINGS or PORTRAITS!
As what you have read above, I really do have a liking towards anything related to art,
and so from time to time I do some portraits and drawings of any kind!
I'm not that good yet but I'll assure you that
I will pour my heart out
into making one just
❤ THIS IS IT! ❤
- For every amount I will receive ( ₱100.00 or less)
✓ You will be rewarded with an animated style portrait from me! ❤
- For every amount that is greater than ₱100.00 (up to ₱500.00)
✓ You will be rewarded with a more detailed colored pencil portrait from me! ❤
- For every amount that is higher than ₱500.00 (up to infinity!)
✓ Your wish is my command! I'll make sure to adhere to all your preferences! ❤
This is all I can come up with for the meantime!
More exciting rewards will come along as this campaign progresses!
Please feel free to connect with me on my facebook account
or send personal message on my gmail account: [email protected]
“It takes generosity to discover the whole through others. If you realize you are only a violin, you can open yourself up to the world by playing your role in the concert. ”
— Jacques-Yves Cousteau
“You often say, ‘I would give, but only to the deserving.’ The trees
in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give
that they may live, for to withhold is to perish
—Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet