Story of a stupid boy
In advance I'd like to apologize for the writing style as English is not my native language.
I know that this story won't reach to everybody and most of you won't relate or even bother to think about it ever again after reading it. I know that most likely I won't get any donations, but I just had to try out this last resort that I could think of.
My story started off great. I had a nice childhood with awesome mother and grandparents. I was doing well in school, did sports and was just a happy kid. Life was going as it should - learning, educating myself, figuring out my future and just being a functioning member of society. By the time I was 3rd year in University, everything started to go downhill. An old friend introduced me to sports betting which I found quite interesting. At first it was all fun and games for the first year. The bets were getting bigger and the need for that rush grew. By the time I finished my 5 years master program in 2016 spring, I was totally hooked. My dept had grown to ca 50 000 EUR and it kept growing to reach almost 100 000 EUR by the end of 2017. Luckily, I was able to get a decent job, which I hoped will help me solve my problems. Now, almost one and a half year later I am still in the same place financially, mostly because I am paying the financial institutions the interest rates to postpone the regular paying dates. I just don't make enough money to even meet my monthly payments (considering the total sum is due to be payed in ca 5 years). So for one and a half years I have just stood still. Today I had to face that I will never ever get to pay off these debts.
For the last 4 years I have almost never felt any happiness inside me. Watching myself from mirror, I see a used to be a happy and positive kid that now has a dead depression look in his eyes - probably for the last 4 years already. It has reached the point where I can't get up in the morning to go to work, because I know that no matter what I do, at the end of the month I don't have a single euro in my account and my loans are still the same.This road has dragged me so deep into depression that for the first time today I just felt this is enough, I do not want to do this anymore and should just get it over with by any means. Then, for a few seconds I totally broke down in tears which was actually relieving, because I hadn't felt this or any other feeling (beside constant sadness) for years. I realized that I wasn't emotional because of the pain of the thought of suicide or even the pain the real act of it might cause, but I was thinking of my family and what it might do to them. Years worth of emotions went through me whilst thinking - how have I ever reached this situation, how have I been such an idiot, is this a bad dream?
Hopefully you, that read this, will cherish your life and everyone and -thing you have. I sincerely hope that none of you will ever have to stand in front of a mirror and think where have you made a horrible mistake that have lead you to some horrible situation.
I know that my chances of getting any donations are fairly slim, but I still had to try. The goal amount is roughly only 25% of what I need, but at least I could lower the total sum to get smaller monthly payments.
Even if you can't help me financially, I still feel a lot better that someone else knows my story beside me. A few family members have a broad idea of my situation, but I could never tell them the full story - It would break them.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me.