I was married to a man for 10 years and we had 3 kids. Throughout our marriage I was subjected to several types of abuse: mental, emotional, sexual and physical. He consistently drank alcohol and did serious drugs - including herion where he would take our bill money and shoot it in his arm instead. Admittedly I was young and naive and believed all of his sweet talk after each incident. He spent several weeks and months in the mental hospital where he would make up all sorts of ailments to score a free high.
He tried several times to kill me, but luckily there was only one close call. He went to prison and I fled. After he was released early from prison for his "good behavior," he retreated to his parents' house. When he was sentanced, he was to be deported to Poland upon his release. California overlooked this information.
He moved in with his parents, on the day of my mother's funeral, where they helped him pay off all of his bills, hired exhuberant lawyers, stopped him from being deported, paid his living expenses and child support, paid for his college edcaution, bought him a car, paid for extravagant trips to locations all over the United States and also to Poland.
Now that he has slowly regained contact with our children, he cut off the oldest one and refuses to speak to her, because she is not biologically his. She was 10 months old when we started dating, but he always told her that she was his. She has his last name.
He has managed to alienate me from the second oldest, brainwashing her with all kinds of lies and stories. My son, who is the youngest, hasn't bought into all of his craziness and still wishes to remain home with me.
He has publically defamed me, alienated me from my daughter and has been harassing me with legal actions for 2 years. He files for custody, we spend 6 months in and out of court then he states he just wants state guideline visitation. Now we are in a 9 month custody battle where my moderate income for our area is no match for his unlimited funds.
His parents are well established in the small community we live in and have several political and religious contacts which they are using to try to pry the kids from my home. Most recently, they selected one of 2 home study evaluators (in our area) to complete a home study on both of our homes. The problem is they are friends of this evaluator, from their church, they paid him and now he has found in my ex-husband's favor and despite all the evidence given to the evaluator, he did not include any of it in his report.
My oldest daughter, who is 12, has severe emotional issues after the abandonment that literally happened overnight. My second daughter who is 10 is completely convinced I am a monster and parrots anything her dad tells her. My son is 9 and most times would not rather go to his dad's house, he can see through the extravagant lies. I also have a 3 year old who is very much attached to her siblings and is heartbroken when they go away for visits.
I attempted to get legal aid from the only legal service in town and ended up with a lawyer who never showed up for hearings, never returned my calls, never filed important paperwork and never notified me of information regarding my case. She was more of a liability than an asset. I had to stop dealing with her to protect the integrity of my own case.
I now have to pay out of pocket for another lawyer and a neutral home study which my income doesn't allow.
I filed a restraining order against my ex-husband in 2010 after he yelled at me and threatened me after I asked him to pay half of the kids' school supplies. When we went to court, because he hadn't physically hit me in the couple years prior, they dropped the restraining order. Right now, when he has the kids, his parents do the parenting, but upon release of the report he obtained an apartment and is planning on moving out of his parents' garage and into the apartment with the kids alone. If he has the stresses of taking care of the kids on his own, he will surely explode leaving my children vulnerable to his violent outbursts. He has a mental health record dating from 1996 to the present and a criminal record spanning from 1997 until 2005 and is still currently on probation.
He still is doing drugs (his dad's prescription oxycontin) and still has violent outbursts (he threw a chair off his parents' patio when his mom nagged him about a money situation) and is still a clear and present danger to myself and the children and I fear for our lives.
Not only do I need monetary support, but I need support from professionals in my area, please let me know if you have any leads.
I know that I am not the only person in my position and the victimization continues long after the relationship has ended. I intend to continue my mission to help others in my position long after my issue is resolved. We can't be left out like raw meat dangling in front of these monsters. Violence in relationships isn't a one-sided thing, men can be victimized too.
Please help me remove the signature from the victims' and childrens' death warrants.