Child Says He Will Suicide Because of Abusive Father – But Child Services and Family Court Forcing Me To Take Child To His Father Against Police Recommendations To Protect The Child. We Are Scared.

Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jul 12, 2019

The lawyer wrote a letter to the Judge full of false statements meant to gaslight the Judge into believing that I am being bold and violating the Court's order.

The lawyer overuses the word "REFUSING" as he falsely accuses me of "refusing" to bring my suicidal son to his father which is against the Court order.

The lawyer also falsely accuses me of not providing any reason for not bringing the child to visitation.

I have a question: Why can't the father and his lawyer present the TRUTH and the FACTS to the Judge and explain to the Judge that I HAVE provided the reason the child was not brought to the visit, and the reason is because when I was packing my car to take the child to his father, as ordered, the Police came to stop me from taking the child to his father after they received notification from the child's friends that the child had posted a goodby suicide message stating that he was going to kill himself this summer as he is being forced to go with his father.

Why does the father and his lawyer HIDE behind the TRUTH? Why do they have to present LIES to the Judge agaisnt me like this?

Another point I would like to make: I have evidence in writing that Child Services have verified that the children are being harmed by ongoing litigation. So, why can't this present Child Worker tell the father and his lawyer to STOP THE LIES right now, because their LIES to the Judge right now is serving as another round of abusive and unnecessary litigation against me, which ultimately affects the children. I have no energy left for this. I have no lawyer to help protect me against this. Family Courts, in my 8 years of experience, NEVER sanction abusers or attorneys for blatant lies and perjury in Court and this is what has cost me so many tens of thousands of dollars and caused me to lose my attorney which has left the children completely vulnerable to our abuser and his unethical lawyer who gets away with everything.

Why can't the Child Worker tell the father to WITHDRAW the recent letter to the Judge with the false accusations against me, especially because of how it has been documented that this type of litigation is harmful to the children? Why does the Child Worker refuse to see what the father is doing and why is she letting him get away with it?

I already know the answers. My questions here are rhetorical.

And I am sick to my stomach about it.

The Child Worker and some of the other individuals involved in this case do not care at all about my children.

Nothing could be more obvious.

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jul 06, 2019

The CPS worker told me I have to bring the child to his father, even though the child has been hospitalized 5 times for cutting and suicide issues as I have explained in earlier updates.

When I was trying to convince my child to get ready to be taken to see his father, I didn't know at the time but he sent a goodbye message to his friends, telling them all that he was being forced to go with his father, so this was the last his friends were going to hear of him because he was going to kill himself this summer.

As I was packing the car for the trip, the police came to my house looking for my son. Apparently his friends had called police for help.

When the police first showed up, I thought they had been sent by the father, since he and his lawyer had been threatening me for not bringing the child to the visit - Even though they knew he was in the hospital, they still threatened me with "custodial interference" and accused me of "violating the father's rights" by not sending the child et. This is what I have been dealing with. They have ZERO concern for the child, and 100% percent focus on having me sanctioned for something.

When the police talked to my child alone for a while, they came to me and told me that this child is NOT going to his father. They were very supportive and sympathetic to the situation.

I told them I was scared of the threats from the father and his lawyer, and scared that the Child Worker is forcing me to follow the family court orders for visitation and bring the child to his father for the summer, but the police told me that if I did that, I would be in trouble - They said it would be "facilitating a suicide".

That is exactly what I was told by the original Child Worker when the oldest child was in the same situation a few years ago, and that child was protected by the Child Worker.

But this time, as I have mentioned before in earlier updates, there is something going on with this Child Worker and the father - I received an email thread of secrecy behind my back for example...

Even though I told the Child Worker that the police warned me if I sent the child then I would be in trouble for putting the child at risk and possibly facilitating a suicide, the Child Worker is still wanting me to bring the child to his father. She continues to insist that there is no proof of harm to the children.

This does not make any sense and my whole family is scared of what power she might have.

How can a Child Worker try to force a suicidal child to go with the person who is making him suicidal and how can she send me her passive threats that I must bring the child so that I am not in contempt of the family court orders for visitation? Is she trying to get me in trouble with police as they have warned me against bringing the child to his father?????

All of these things happen when you have children with a dangerous abuser and it is truly scary and I cannot navigate a dangerous legal system that never sanctions the abuser which results in harm for the victim and the children...

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jul 02, 2019

This morning my child found out he was being sent to his father for the summer visit and he went into crisis mode.

My parents and I had to call 911 for him.

My child told the Police Officer that when he found out about having to see his father, he sent a message to his friend, saying "This is going to be the last you will hear of me."

My child had said goodbye to his best friend.

He had decided this was it, he was going to kill himself instead of having to be forced to stay with his father.

It is tearing me apart to see how much his father's abusive behaviour has affected him. He is so afraid of him and so desperate to be away from him that he is going to kill himself.

My mother updated my child's father that he and his siblings were not going to be able to leave for the summer visit yet because my child was on the way to the hospital with Police and I was told to follow them. My mother's message was deliberately clear that I was not intentionally denying parenting time - she was specific to state that the children could not leave YET because one child was on his way to the hospital with Police.

In response to this message, the child's father showed ZERO concern for the child, as per usual, and went on the attack against me, as per usual. He did not want to know any details as to what had happened to our child, and shortly afterwards, my mother received a threatening letter from his attorney, accusing me of "interfering with parenting time" and accusing me of doing things on purpose to prevent the father from "being the loving father that he is". These are some of the things stated in that threatening letter.

It was so disturbing to see that the father's first reaction to the news that his child is being taken to hospital by Police is a threat to me, that I am "preventing him from being the loving father that he is". Why does he have to go into automatic defence mode about how "loving" he is? What does that have to do with the news that his child is being taken to the hospital?

That is rhetorical question, by the way. The answer is clear that the father knows exactly what is going on and knows that his child is speaking up about wanting to kill himself because of his father's abuse, and he doesn't realize how transparent he is being when his first reaction to automatically defend himself against what he knows the child's issues are by preaching about what a loving father he is. It is disturbing to read how he accuses me of interfering with his parenting time as his son is on his way to the hospital. It is so clear that he is AFRAID for his son to go to a hospital because he knows what his son will be telling the doctors about why he is in crisis.

I don't know if I have posted this part of the history somewhere else in this campaign event, but this is what the father does anytime he can find a way to try to have me sanctioned for "interfering with parenting time". You see, this would be an offence against the court order, and "custodial interference" is also something that parents can go to jail for. Therefore, the father has been constantly throwing around those "Buzz Words" ever since the divorce papers were stamped, that I am "interfering with his parenting time". In 2014, on Feb 7, there was a visit scheduled, but there was a dangerous blizzard. The father kept insisting that I drive the children to the visit anyway. I posted 7 weather warnings throughout the day as he kept threatening me throughout the day to get on the road and to stop lying about the weather just to "prevent his parenting time." My domestic violence advocate advised that I ask Police for help since he was threatening me and refusing to accept that there was a blizzard. When Police called him to advise him of the dangerous weather conditions and that Police were advising me to stay off the roads, the father and his girlfriend both tried to argue with the officer about the weather. I have the whole event documented with emails and audio recordings. So - even though I had the proof of the weather warnings, the police report, and all of the threats and accusations that were clearly not true, he still took me to court to try to have me sanctioned for "interfering with his parenting time", accusing me of making up lies about a blizzard in order to prevent his parenting time.

This is what a "loving father" he is to the children. He was insisting on my driving them several hours through a dangerous blizzard, as he completely denied the weather that was right in front of him. All of the documents and audio proves that he had ZERO regard for the children that day.

This is the "loving father" that I am dealing with.

Back to the threatening letter from the attorney today, the attorney ended off by demanding and instructing that I IMMEDIATELY log into the co-parenting website and post exactly what time I would be driving the children across the border to meet their father. (Remember - his father cannot enter our country because of his criminal record for violently raping and trying to kill me.)

This is what was being demanded of me in response to my mother sending the message that I was on my way following Police to the hospital with our child and that we were not going to be able to drive across the border yet - it is demanded that I immediately post the time that I will be at the exchange when my message is that I am following the Police who have my child with them, and are on the way to the hospital.

I will post more later, but I have to get ready now to meet my child at another hospital. He is in "hospital custody" being transported in ambulance to another hospital who is is preparing a room for him, about 3 hours away.

I am so afraid that my child hates being in the hospital as well. He wants to come home already. He does not want to be there, but also afraid to see his father, so he is feeing so hopeless with nowhere to feel safe and relaxed.

This worries me for what is going to happen if the Judge orders again that he go see his father....I don't want to think about this, but what if he just goes ahead and does the unthinkable suddenly out of desperation feeling as though he is doomed...This is what his siblings are afraid of....They know exactly how he feels and why ...

If I can't get an attorney asap to help protect my child from having to go visit his father I am afraid of what he is going to do to himself since the father is aggressively coming after me legally right now to force the child to go with him. The father doesn't care that the child says he is going to kill himself if he has to go with him - The father is making everyone think that I am making up stories and nobody is able to help protect this child right now...

I'm scared.

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jun 29, 2019

My child is being legally forced to visit his father even though he has been telling his doctors and teachers and everyone else that he will kill himself if he has to go with his father.

He has explained how his father's abuse has traumatized him so much that he is afraid of his father and wants to kill himself.

He has described how he will do it. He even drew pictures of it while he was in the hospital.

He drew pictures of himself hanging from the ceiling.

He drew pictures of his arm with cuts all over it.

When he tried to hurt himself at school with scissors the other day, he told his doctor later that if his scissors had been sharp enough, he would have cut right through his whole arm.

That's what he wants to do to himself when he thinks about having to visit his father.

This is how traumatized this child is as a result of his father's abusive behaviour with him.

But apparently my child's life means nothing and nobody cares what happens to him. Nobody cares how he has already been so damaged by his father that he has been driven to harm himself and want to kill himself.

I submitted an emergency order to the Court explaining how the child faces irreparable harm because of how the child has been threatening suicide if he has to go visit his father, but the Court decided that I did not successfully prove irreparable harm.

I submitted hospital evidence of the child's suicide talk where he explains exactly how he is going to kill himself if he ends up having to go with his father and i submitted other evidence of abuse that shows how the child was traumatized in the first place and got to this point where he is going to kill himself...

but I failed to prove irreparable harm.

I was told by an advocate today that I need a lawyer. I guess I failed by child because I didn't have the thousands of dollars needed to successfully fight for his protection with a lawyer.

The Child Services worker says she does not feel the child is at risk with the father even though the child has been hospitalized 4 times in a few weeks, for self-harm and suicide ideation, stating that if he has to go with his father he will kill himself.

The father also cannot be trusted with any safety plan. I begged Child Services to understand this before he violated the last safety plan, but Child Services refuses to acknowledge that my prediction was accurate because they refuse to admit that their "safety plan" failed as they continue to insist that the way the father violated the safety plan was OK and not his fault.

My story may sound bizarre and hard to believe but every part of this story can be proven with documentation. I have had to condition myself to a lifestyle of having to prove what happens literally every minute of every day.

Everywhere I turn for help, the first thing that people tell me is that I need a good lawyer.

Every time I try to get legal help, I am dismissed because I just don't have the funds anymore to pay for legal services. It is scary that abusers are free to destroy children's lives and they can't be saved unless there is enough money to pay for a lawyer to fight for protection.

It is scary how powerful abusers are, and how much they are protected by the systems.

It is scary that the whole world is full of abusers who just do not care about children.

An über driver from a 3rd World country told me last week that he could not believe what was happening to my children in my case. He told me he was shocked to think that this could happen in a First World Country. He said that he escaped his 3rd World country to come to this side of the world so that he and his family could feel more safe. My story scared him.

I had to call the uber drive in the first place because I could not drive myself. I was physically shaking so much at the time that I could not even hold onto my cell phone as the school was calling me to tell me that they were sending my child to the hospital in an ambulance after he tried to hurt himself in school, telling everyone he is going to kill himself, telling his teachers that he is so afraid of having to see his abusive father that he wants to kill himself instead.

The über drive was shocked to hear my story, that these things happen in a First World Country and that I have been threatened by the Court to not dare try to keep the children from visiting their father even though I am scared out of my mind that they are going to end up dying if they are forced to go.

The bottom line for me now is that no matter how I tried to protect my children, I have failed them.

The abusers and the systems that protect the abusers are just too powerful.

No matter what evidence of abuse I have, and no matter how much danger my child is in right now as he says he is going to kill himself if he has to go with his father, nothing matters.

Today I have failed my child.

I may have to just give up.

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jun 20, 2019

My child's school had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He was so scared of having to go visit his father as the court orders say, and he took out scissors in class and tried to hurt himself, saying he wanted to kill himself. He was in the hospital for 4 days, telling doctors that he is afraid to go see his father because of the abuse he has suffered and that he would rather kill himself than have to go to his father.

The doctors cannot make any recommendations to interfere with court-ordered visitation, but the doctor prescribed a solution that essentially makes it almost impossible for the child to see his father for the time being.

The problem is, if I do not have a court order that states the child can be exempt from visitation for now, then I will be facing jail time for custodial interference if I follow the doctor's orders to keep the child safe from his father. If this happens, then all of the children automatically go to the father, and, I risk losing one child to suicide.

At the same time, if I do send the child to his father, and avoid being charged with Custodial Interference, then two things happen: (1) - The child says he will kill himself. Period. and (2) I will be in trouble with Child Protective Services for "Failure to Protect" if I send a suicidal child to his father who makes him suicidal.

Another problem is that Child Protective Services say they cannot do anything with a Court Order. They are telling me to go to Court to request protection for the child, and placing the burden solely on ME to protect the child and ensure his safety and also protect myself from being in contempt of court, since ensuring the child's safety without a new court order would result in my being in contempt of court.

But being able to go to court costs so much money, and as explained throughout my story here, I am out of funds after having to spend hundreds of thousands already. I just don't have it anymore.

I am already in need of funds to help with the Custody Evaluator and the Court Case that will be coming once the report is complete, but now I find myself in another emergency situation where I need to find a way to get Court Ordered protection for my suicidal child before July 1 or else I will have to face the reality of my child's suicide threats as well as the reality of court sanctions for trying to protect him without a court order.

It is so frustrating that the moral of the story is that if the protective mother can't afford to pay a lawyer to help protect the child, then too bad for the child and the mother - they are on their own - and a mere "lack of enough funds" can result in a child's death by suicide.

I am at a loss. This case is split between two countries that are supposed to be First World Countries.

Living in a First World Country, do I really have to just start grieving the loss of this child to inevitable suicide simply because I don't have the funds available for a lawyer to help fight to protect him??

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On May 10, 2019

I received a message from Child Protective Services today that they want to send my suicidal child to his abusive father, even though the child stated that there is a 50-50 chance he will harm himself or kill himself if he has to go see his father. It's the abusive father who has traumatized the child so much so that the child has been cutting himself and has been admitted to the hospital 3 times in one month for talking about suicide if he has to go see his father. Child Protective Services are coming down on me, and supporting the father, telling me that the child should still go visit with his father despite the fact that they acknowledge the child has said there is a 50-50 chance of self-harm. To me, a 50% chance of self-harm is about 50% too much! How can Child Protective Services want to send a child in that state to the man who makes him want to cut and/or kill himself?

Also, the fact is that the child said 50-50 one morning. By that evening, as his visit got closer, his 50-50 escalated to a 100% and he went to the hospital. The closer it got to the visit, the more scared and anxious the child was becoming. He kept stating he was not feeling safe. But in the end, Child Services ask me to justify why I did not send the child to his father. I had to explain taking the child to the hospital even though it was the Doctor, Crisis Nurse, and Crisis Counsellor who made sure the child knew that he should return to the hospital if he is feeling unsafe.

This message from Child Services was sent to me in response to a letter of concern that I had written when they FIRST told me that I should have sent the child to visit his father even though there was a 50-50 chance of self-harm. I had responded to explain how the child cannot be trusted with a safety plan because after the child was discharged from the hospital the first time, he had promised everyone he would turn to his resources as part of his safety plan if he was feeling too overwhelmed, but he turned to scissors instead and started cutting himself right in the classroom where his teacher and classmates were. He could have turned to them for support, but he chose his scissors. He said he was thinking about having to go visit his father, and he wanted blood to come out of him, and he wanted to feel pain, but he was frustrated that his scissors were not sharp enough. (They were school craft scissors). This is what the child did to himself, completely against his safety plan. I explained this to Child Services to try and make them see that we cannot trust any kind of safety plan, but my concerns are apparently not valid to them. Safety plans cannot be trusted when we are dealing with a suicidal child, and Child Protective Services see no cause for alarm.

This scares me even more. They are supposed to PROTECT children, not send them right into harm's way.

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On May 10, 2019

Just as I released this campaign, I received a new email from the Evaluator, requesting the payment required for the report to be completed. If I am unable to make a payment shortly, the Evaluator says it will have to be suspended, and that means I will be in contempt of court for not being able to pay, PLUS, without this report, I lose the chance for any hope to get protection for the children. If I can raise at least approximately $5,000 immediately, I may be able to prevent the suspension of this case by the Evaluator. Any help is appreciated...I don't want to have to send suicidal children to their abusive father who makes them want to kill themselves...

I have uploaded a copy of the email that I just received a few minutes ago...

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Full support to this mother and her children. It is a shame that this is happening, and this case is the tip of the iceberg.

Matthew Behrens

Backed with $200.00 On Jun 29, 2019



Backed with $1000.00 On May 10, 2019

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Stefania Mae

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Matthew Behrens

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