I had another fundraiser on here but it expired and was too long to read. Basically I've had a rough 9 months due to a combination of bad luck, the effects of a tough economy, unfortunate tragedies out of my control, post traumatic stress disorder/flashbacks from repressed memories of childhood traumas, not coping with all of this well at some times due to mostly isolation which led to some intermittent self medicating (which only exascerbated the situation), and ultimately my major depression and nervous breakdown that eventually occurred after it all became too much.
They say we are only given that which we can handle. I am here to say that that is NOT true. If it were true, people wouldn't commit suicide. I almost did twice over the past 2 months. I know what it is like to actually be pushed beyond my breaking point, and actually break. It is terrifying. I want my life back, but the first step is getting me back, and that's going to take work. Its going to be a process, one day at a time, regular therapy sessions and classes and medications. Recovery won't be overnight I understand. Support and love are key to my success.
What would cause a woman who had worked in the Financial District for around 13 years, bought two homes before age 23, making over $60k a year at one point with a 13 year old son who was her pride and joy to give up and become suicidal? I'm going to sum this up as best as I can:
- In two days I will be homeless. I am hoping that a sober living home has a bed for me nearby. I will be separated from my cats, who have been my only faithful companions for the past 10 years.
- I am going to be homeless because my mother had cosigned on my apartment with me. The same day I lost job temp assignment she called my leasing office and paid extra money to have the lease terminated as she was worried for her credit. The rent wasn't even late, it was mid month and I had earned enough for rent, and she didn't give me a chance to get another assignment. I woke up to a 30 day notice and no way to challenge it.
- I had been unemployed over 6 months. I tried applying even for the local fast food places, trust me my pride went out the window, no luck. I was denied unemployment over a technicality with taxes regarding my employer in 2012.
- Just prior to losing the job, I was told I tested positive on a RAPID HIV test at Planned Parenthood, when I went in cause I actually hadnt had a period for several months. They made a mistake. I was not HIV positive and I was pregnant, the blood test cleared it up, but in the waiting week window I had a miscarriage. I took photographs of this incident and never showed anyone, but many people didn't believe it really happened and that I imagined it. It unfortunately did, and my NOW ex boyfriend felt it move. This caused me to spiral downward as I suffered through this alone.
- Shortly before this my 13 year old son was moved down to SoCal with his dad without notice, it was a huge blow and I was very hurt. I felt abandoned and I didn't get to say goodbye.
- Within a month and a half of the miscarriage, My boyfriend eventually went from saying he was preparing to propose to me like he had for a while, to not coming home and then meeting other women and suddenly moving out at the end of July. When he came back crying saying he missed me I decided to do some investigative work first as I suspected he was hiding something and boy was he. He was not faithful nor honest, for pretty much 4 1/2 out of the 6 months we were together. He and all his friends labeled me a stalker and trashed my reputation because I called him out publicly on his unfaithful, disrespectful behavior by posting this to his social network wall in addition to confronting and questioning many women he had contact with behind my back. He was furious. After all I'd been through, he tells me he doesn't love me anymore and hurts me like that? I just lost a job and a baby, we lived together...he said he wanted someone that wasn't old like me and someone who was going places with her life. I was devastated, shocked and completely broken hearted.
So here I am. $5 to my name, no car and in 2 days no roof that is mine. I need a storage unit, truck, food, transportation money, and money to get on my feet and start a new life. I am getting help in the form of counseling. I won't waste this money, I am committed to recovery and working my way back to the top again. I intend on writing music about my experiences and maybe a book too. Id like to help others like me eventually down the road. Can you help me?
Thank you. -Jill