Spiritual exploration Mexico

I will get into the actual details of the trip shortly but first I reckoned it to be important to give a little preface to my trip.

I'll be sincere here. I will solely use this money as a means of my own survival; mainly food and shelter. This isn't for anybody else. Why do I ask it from you and why don't I simply work for it? Well, because I simply strongly dislike the idea of working for a means to an end; I don't want to procrastinate this trip that I have a strong desire for because first I would feel obliged to work for it. I also just find most work tiring in general, to the point that I feel almost unable to do it. Like continiously swimming upstream, is how it feels. I'm taking the reverse approach: first I book the flight and organize the trip with the little money I have, and then I see how I can sustain myself. I in fact, the flight leaves on may the 13th, just a few days after i've written this, A very risky, insecure and some may call it careless approach. But this is just the way I am and I'm going to do it this way. Note that I am not spoiled or naive and I am very aware that it is possible that nobody will donate, and I am ready to accept whatever consequences I may have to face.

Partially because of the very dependent approach I took, where I to a certain extent depend a lot on the compassion of other people, I find it very important to state that I only want you to donate if you can do so with your heart, if you can do it whole-heartedly and it makes you happy to donate. Please do not donate out of pity, guilt, or sense of obligation of whatever form. The donaters i'm hoping to see are those who symphatize with my story and are happy to share with me out of compassion.

Without further a due, lets explain a little bit more about why i'm going.

In the past few months, after a lazy phase, the desire to search and actually experience more meaning and depth in my life has grown. At a bit of a low point, I decided that I wanted to visit a community whose iconic figure I felt previously inspired by, which happened to be in Mexico. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of setbacks and disappointments regarding my trip there, much of it after I already booked my flight ticket. I could make a lengthy few paragraphs explaining the details of what happened, but I don't want to make it too long. The bottom line is that through my inability to promise that I was committed to volunteering there I can't stay there for free (neither did I expect that), but it seems like I also wasn't offered a trail period to attempt it. I want to do it, but I was simply sincere about the fact that I didn't know myself well enough to be able to promise that I could absolutely commit, and therefore I was rejected from doing so. Otherwise, it costs 50$ a night to be able to stay there, which is a lot of money for me. I will stay there for these 50$ a night only occassionally then, for the rest of the time i'm renting cheap airBnB rooms.in the nearby town. Visiting this spiritual community as a casual visitor (just coming by once in a while) also doesn't seem allowed according to my contanct, which admittedly surprised me.

Couldn't I have predicted this? Couldn't I have known all of this before I booked the flight? Yes, I certainly could have. But I simply wanted to burn the boat and make the final decision, and previously to that the contact with the community was already quite lengthy and tedious, so I made an ultimate decision to just go for it.

Even despite the setbacks i'm still committed to go, whether i get donations or not. I was ready to face the consequences so i'm taking it. That does not mean, however, that I need to act like a tough guy and pretend that I can do it fine all on my own. That's why i made this page. I could really use some financial support. I don't NEED the money in the strictest sense of the word, considering I could book my flight back earlier than I had planned to, or considering the fact that millions of people manage to survive without a home every day (not that i'm planning to go that route, or that i'm expecting it), but I could really USE some money.

If you decide to donate, I would be genuinly grateful for that, particularly if you donate with the right compassionate intentions as I had stated before.

My blessings to all of you.

Greetings,

Tos Gudden

Additional edit: In the possible case that I do manage to secure a volunteering position at the community which i'm able to sustain, that should mean that I will be able to sustain myself there then financially much easier (since it will drastically lower the cost of me being able to stay there, even being potentially free). In that case, I'm allowing a refund for those who want that, since in that case their donationship was based on a somewhat false premise. I could still use the money though even if i get a volunteering position, but there is much less of an importance to it. Whether or not I will e able to secure a volunteering position. that will be known approximately around the later half of may. I will add an update probably both on facebook and here then if that happens, or even if it doesn't. You can decide to wait till then to make the decision to donate or not.