Serenity

I am a single parent with a supportive partner. We have been together for 4 years and he has helped and encouraged me to build a new life with him. Previous to this, I was in a relationship with a man I dedicated my life to. We were high school sweethearts, I helped him immigrate to Canada, and we got married and started to plan our life together. We got married young and moved out together after our first anniversary. He struggled with depression and home sickness throughout the first few years of our marriage. I tried to help him through this to my best ability. After a while, things got better and we decided to purchase our own home after we both got an education and stable jobs. We built our life together and we were happy. Then things started changing. He started flirting with other women and admitted to actually falling for more than one of our mutual close friends. His attention was no longer on me, his wife. It was on our female friends. This happened three times (that I know of). The first two times hurt me bad. But I forgave him and told myself it wouldn't happen again. Then the third 'relationship' developed. One of the first things that tipped me off was his need to constantly invite her over for supper, drinks and then she would spend the night. One of the last times she stayed over while I still lived there, he put her to bed. He took out her contacts while she was passed out and covered her up. I wanted to puke right then and there. But I told myself to quit being so jealous and that she was just a friend. Then our daughter was born. I specifically asked for privacy and wanted no visitors at the hospital and people could come and visit us and the baby once we got home. He begged me to let her come to visit and I said no. He told her to come anyways. I was a new mother struggling with breast feeding and in she walks and gave him a huge hug right in front of me. Another red flag. A few weeks later, her brother died. He told her, on his death bed, that she must stay out of other people 's relationships. She didn't listen. We tried to go to counselling to rectify why he was doing this. He said it wasn't helping and stopped going. I went to the sessions alone after that. I would sit at home crying while I ate my supper alone with my baby while he didn't come home for hours. He would go on dates with her, his brother and his brother's girlfriend and not come home for hours. I had been at home for full days with the baby crying and he would leave. He denied anything was going on when I confronted him about it. Over and over again. One night, I was sitting in the living room watching tv and I heard his camera going off in the bathroom. I asked him what he was doing and he told me I was hearing things. After a huge fight, I found out he was taking naked pictures of himself and texting them to her and vice versa. During this fight, I also told him that I had installed a'net nanny' on my laptop when he took it to the bathroom with him. He had been masturbating and looking at nude pictures of women with the same ethnicity as her. He said he was curious. He had also been googling alcoholism and post-partum depression as he thought I had some sort of problem. At this point, I had become a very angry person - frustrated with what was happening right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything about it. I sent her a text message telling her to stay away from my husband and my child - that the way she was acting was inappropriate behaviour for a 'friend'. She didn't reply, but instead sent the text to him. Things went rapidly downhill from here. I was done. I couldn't go through this again. Especially now that my daughter had arrived. I was on maternity leave and due to go back to work in March 2010. In February, 2010, I went to my lawyer to start the separation process. We were going to sell our house and go our separate ways. About 2 weeks later, I received a call from my boss telling me that they would not be taking me back after my maternity leave. They would pay me severance and I would be laid off. I had been working there for almost 6 years. My world had officially fallen apart. I called my husband crying and he didn't seem to care. I needed to talk to someone. Anyone. I created a profile on an online dating website. I met a guy who I spent a lot of time talking with. My 'ex' husband didn't like him because of his religion and was scared I was going to put our daughter in danger. This did not happen and was never going to happen. Then I decided maybe it was better to talk to someone who was a close friend (but I hadn't talked to in awhile). That's where my current partner comes in. I had confided in him a few years earlier explaining that my marriage was on the rocks. He let me cry on his shoulder like a true friend would. I spent days talking to him, and he was basically my crutch at the beginning. He also told me that he had noticed how I had been treated and mentally abused. My ex didn't mind this and didn't mind our daughter being with him and I as he knew him because we all used to hang out together in previous years. At this point, I was still living in our house and we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. One night, we had a few drinks and one thing lead to another. Somehow, in the heat of the moment, I got angry (or maybe realized what I was doing) and tried to push him off of me. He held me down and wouldn't let me get up. He proceeded to force himself on me. I'm not sure if this would be counted as rape, but I was held down and forced to have intercourse. I turned my ring around on my finger and scratched his back numerous times. I screamed at him to get out of my life and told him to die. He then locked himself in his room and told me the next day he was scared for his life because I was so violent. I was violent because I was terrified. All of this happened while the baby was sleeping. Not long after that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was sitting in the living room and he came in and said something about the girl he was cheating on me with. I called her a whore. He lost his temper and started shaking. He punched me in the leg. I lost it. I ran to my room and phoned my dad and my dad called the police. The police attended and separated us to hear each of our stories. Our daughter was in bed. My brother In Law and his girlfriend were living in our basement at the time and had heard numerous fights. The police asked him if he had somewhere to go for the night. He said no. He told them that I had a friend 2 hours away that I could go to. They asked me if I did and I said I did. I called my now partner and said I was coming that night and he said ok. The police told me that our daughter would be taken care of by my brother in law and his girlfriend and that they were taking my ex downtown. I was to leave and come back in the morning. I did. No one was home. My daughter was gone. The locks were changed. I called the police again. They called my ex and he wouldn't tell them where our daughter was - they made him come back and give me a key to the house so I could get my belongings, which I did. I then went to see my lawyer because I didn't know where my daughter was. I asked for ex-parte custody as I was now unemployed and could care for her full time without a need for daycare. That was declined and the 50/50 custody arrangement began. 2 weeks later I brought a u-haul truck and loaded it with my personal belongings and moved into my own apartment. My daughter and I lived there for almost a year when I moved in with my partner. I was working for a local airline as a ramp attendant, loading and cleaning airplanes. Then, I found a new job as a receptionist - this was more in line with my education. I worked there for a while when I moved to to a small bedroom community just outside the city I worked in. I needed some more time to myself to regroup and realign my life. I attended counselling sessions to achieve this. I spent over a year there. The original daycare I had gave her notice as her family was expanding bad she no longer wanted to run a daycare. I found a new daycare and her son became very good friends with my daughter. My partner and I continued to grow our relationship and he was a constant I my daughters life. We then decided it was time to move in with each other again as I was ready to continue my life with him. The apartment I was in was not ideal and we thought it would be better for my daughter too. So we moved in together and in turn, had to find a new daycare again. We found a wonderful daycare. My daughter loved it there. We wanted to buy a house in that area but couldn't find one that met our needs. We then started looking into other bedroom communities where there were young families and a great surrounding for her to grow up in. Then we found our house. My daughter loved it, we loved it and we bought it. After we got settled in, I decided I was going to start the conversation with my ex about where our daughter would live once she stars school. He said she would go to a school in his city and I could have her every 2nd weekend. Unacceptable. He says I'm unstable. All I have ever done was try to make decisions that would make her life as positive as possible. Then he suggested we send her to counselling and let her decide where she wants to live. VERY unacceptable. This is where I got a lawyer. I'm not putting her in that type of situation. She's 5. She can't make a decision like that! So we went it a pre-trial conference. He is still saying I am unstable. I'm not sure how he thinks that. My partner and I have built a very strong foundation for my daughter and chose a house in a young community where she can thrive in. The pre-trial conference was our last chance to come to a decision before going to trial. No decision was made. The judge asked us to go home and think about one of us moving to the other's city. It's not financially feasible. Especially since we've only been in our house for a year. I have talked to numerous school boards and principals looking for advice on what I should do about my daughter's schooling. They are all very surprised that her father won't let her stay with me. I seem to be the only parent that is concerned about her mental well-being. Now because we have trial in October, she can't start kindergarten until after the trial and has to watch her friends attend their first day of school and get on the school bus without her. This disturbs me so much I can't even describe it. SHE is going to suffer. And it's all because he wants to 'win' (his words, not mine). We are struggling to make ends meet, and now we have a huge trial to pay for. If you would be willing to help me, I will be forever grateful. I will personally thank each and every one of you.