schizotypic mental disorder and heart disease: need medication and food

Hi, my name is Anya, I'm from Russia, I'm 34 years old. I have some heart diseases, as well as schizotypal personality disorder with apathy, anxiety and agoraphobia. I can’t work for a year now, because I feel bad, constant dizziness, headaches, tachycardia, extrasystoles, because of which, you may have to undergo surgery. I can only walk around the house, and I don’t communicate with anyone in real life, only on the network and in MMORPGs. I live with my mother, but she does not believe that I feel bad, although I have a heart defect and a psychiatrist’s diagnosis. I was in the hospital several times, but because of the difficult financial situation, I can not continue treatment. I am afraid that I will never again have joy, love, friendship, travel, I will not see other cities and countries, I will not be able to swim or ride a bicycle, I will not read new books, no one will ever hug me, and I will not be able to to draw, because I want it less and less, it’s sad and scary, I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t buy medicine or even food, because I am an adult and my mother believes that I am pretending. I cry every day and constantly think about suicide. I do not want to die, but illness, loneliness, depression make life unbearable, I would like to get rid of these thoughts, I want to live. So, I think I need at least medicine. Thanks for reading. Sometimes I still draw, I hope you enjoy it.