Rebuild my Life After Divorce

I am ashamed to ask for help.  I am ashamed to ask for charity.  I do not believe in divorce.  I believe in always working it out.  I never thought I would be living the nightmare I live today.  For a long time I was in denial, but I finally woke up and accepted my circumstances. January 16, 2013 I married my soon to be ex-husband.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Since I was a child all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, and finally had come true.  We were married for two years, but together for 5 years.  He was my best friend, my rock, he was my everything...  or so I thought. After I graduated college with a degree in Anthropoly, I got my first job out of school and decided to quit it after 9 months to move to another state with my then fiance.  I took menial jobs as supplemental income, and we agreed to do whatever it took to advance his career at the expense of my own.  Each job I took decreased my salary.  After living in Ohio he moved us to Arkansas where I found another menial job.  I ended up being laid off from the job in Arkansas and at that point he decided that he wanted me to stay at home to take care of him and the house.  I was a housewife for seven months before we separated. I tried to be the perfect wife, but nothing I did was ever good enough.  I tried to be prettier, to be skinnier, to be a better housewife, be a better lover, to love him more, to keep him happy.  Nothing I could have done would have saved our marriage.  He would never be satisified. Everyday I sat alone in my house with no friends and no career waiting for him to come home each night.  He always came home late.  I never knew who would walk through the door.  He could be angery, violent, depressed, not talk to me, or take his bad day out on me, or call me horrific names, or be just plain drunk.  I learned to brace myself for the worst.  I had made a commitment to God to love him for better or worse, and I am loyal to a fault.  I sacrificed my happiness for him. One day I went to serve him his dinner, his phone was face up and I accidently found a selfie of a girl posing naked.  He begged me for forgiveness, and I stupidly forgave him under the condition we would go to marriage counseling which he obliged.  Not knowing at the time that he had already had the car serviced and detailed for his trip to Colorado to visit hisgirlfriend.  He told me he was going to his mother's for 5 days. I was completely distraught after finding he was talking to other women and the same week leaving me alone in the house with know one to comfort me.  My parents drove 11 hours to be with me because they were afraid for my safety.  I had sunk into a deep depression and began having panic attacks to the point I where I was in a constant state of "fight" or "flight."  My parents helped me clean the house, do his laundry, and helped me make dinner, so that when he came home he would be happy and maybe he would want to stay with me. The night he returned, he set his belongings down, I made him a bowl of stew, and served him.  I asked him "how was your mother?"  At that point he stood up started barraiding me with awful vile names like "You're a fuck up" "Evil Bitch" "Spoiled Princess" "I'm Asexual."  I got up and removed myself from the situation.  He had a history of anger, and I hoped going to the bedroom would allow him to cool off and gain his composure.  This time it didn't work.  He started texting me awful words, so I went to his bedroom and asked him to leave and refused.  Fortunately, my parents had stayed behind in case things went south. (When he has become violent he as ripped my counter top off, starts throwing and breaking things, and once pulled a gun out on me.)  I called my parents and they called the police.  Unknowingly my ex-husband put the house lease in his name and all the cars in his name.  I was forced to leave.  I stayed the night with my parents in a hotel and my three dogs (one of which is a puppy) had to sleep in the car on a cold rainy night. The next morning, I was exhausted but still believed we could work it out.  Coincidentally, that morning we had marriage counseling.  I was happily suprised he showed up and it gave me hope.  The therapist was so concerned with my safety that he escorted me in and out of the building while my exhusband was in a back room.  He would not let him or me leave until we agreed to not live under the same roof for a period of time.  His concern was that my ex-husband would lose his temper and hurt me or even worse kill me. Immediately after therapy I went back to my house with my parents, and I threw as many clothes as possible that could fit into 3 suitcases.  When I left, I never returned, and have still not returned.  When I got to my parents house my father went through our bank records and found evidence that he visited his girlfriend, along with dating websites, and porn fees.  I confronted my ex-husband who denied the allegations.  A week later (the week of my 28th birthday) he served me with divorce papers citing intolerable conditions.After the summons he drained our bank account into the negative and rerouted his paycheck to a new account that I am unable to access.   I have the most amazing parents.  They took my dogs and me in and provided me with food and shelter.  They are even paying my medical bills, credit card debts my exhusband left me with, and my attorney fees. In the Fall of 2014, I injured my back involving a freak accident with a neigbor's dog.  The injury has prevented me from attaining a job.  I have had a steroid injection, and I am currently healing through physically therapy while I still have insurance.  I am not sure what I will do when I no longer have insurance. I have no way to support myself and my parents are in their 60's, and it makes it difficult for them to support me and absolutely impossible to afford to pay for me to further my education so that I can get a job where I can support myself.  My husband took my home, my life, my hope, my innocense, my independence, and any sort of income.  Today I am asking for help and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I want to go back to school to receive a degree to be an Occupational Therapist Assistant, but I don't have the money, I can't work at the moment, and my parents can't afford to help me anymore.  I want to help people and I particualarly love children.  I know what it is like to feel hopeless and in pain or have obstacles that seem unattainable.  I know I can help others.  I believe if you don't have hope then you don't have anything.  Right now hope and God are the only things keeping me moving forward.  Whether I receive help or not, I plan to pay forward to any woman in my stituation when I am back on my feet.  As women we should not rely on a man to support us.  We have to be strong and independent.  Thank you for reading my story, and I hope that it will inspire others in similar situtations. Still Believing, Meridith