PTSD Trauma healing fundraiser

Hi all,

I'm not sure where or how to begin.. so I'd like to start by saying that I know that there are people worse off than me, in situations that are far more deserving of your time and donations, however, if you could take the time to read my story, and follow up with a donation, great or small, it would mean more to me than you could possibly know.

I am 32 years of age. And since before I can even remember, my life has been dealt with more hardship than I'd wish upon anyone. When I was born, I was premature, and soon after I made my debut into the world, my mother and father separated. At the age of 2 I was given up for adoption to my great aunt, as my mother couldn't raise me on her own. A year later I was back in the care of my mother and her new found boyfriend. Soon after they began dating, my mother fell pregnant with twins. When the twins were born, there were 5 children. A year or two after that my mother's boyfriend started taking drugs regularly. Heroin to be exact. Whilst high he would beat my mother into oblivion. He would punch, kick, slap and strangle her until she was out of breath. Often, and especially if we tried to help our mum, not knowing any better, he would fling us accross the room and beat us too. This abuse continued for over ten years. During this time he sold everything my mother ever work for in attempt to give us a happy and normal life. He sold all of our household furniture, the computer mum spent months working for to buy for us. I'm sure he would have sold his soul too, if he had the opportunity, just to score a quick fix. I was always too scared to invite friends over, in fear of what they might see, or be subjected to, and worse, what they might think of me. On one occasion I walked home from school to find my mother's now husband on the couch, with a needle in his arm that was drooped down the side of the couch, and white froth foaming from his mouth. He had overdosed and died, right in front of me. As a little girl, I did what I was taught to do, and I called an ambulance. Lucky for him, he was brought back to life right there on our loungeroom floor. Unfortunately for my mother and us children, after this ordeal, life continued as normal, with him shooting up to get high, beating my mother and us until the beatings had become so bad, that my mother tried to hang herself. He found her just in the nick of time and cut her down from the roof, and while she was breathless, almost dead, he beat her to a pulp and told her to never attempt anything like that again. My mother tried on many occasions to leave this man, and we would often find ourselves at half way houses and women's shelters. My grandfather had calculated that I had went to 20 different primary schools over the course of my childhood, before I even started high school. This was due to my mother trying to run away from the man who had such a hold on her, but each time, it never worked. He found us, or she went back to him, for fear of what would happen next, if she didn't. The situation became so dire for my mother that she began using heroin too. She did this to try and escape his clutches. To escape her reality. But this left is children vulnerable and in the hands of a monster, whose abuse only became worse and worse as time went on. He constantly had strange men and women coming in and out of our home, doing drugs and getting drunk. I cannot for the life of me recall if I was ever sexually assaulted. Therapy later in life would tell me that this is the minds way of suppressing things that happen to us when the memory is just too much to bare. Due to having to move so many times throughout the course of my childhood, connections to my extended family were severed. As a result of this I missed out on spending time with an aunty who passed away young, two of her son's had passed away in a car accident and the last time I seen them was when they were in their open caskets, faces like porcelain dolls, bandages around their wounds. When my mother finally was able to escape his clutches and move interstate, somewhere she knew he'd never come looking, the damage had already been done, each one of us children suffered from mental and psychological illnesses as a result of a temultuous home life at such young ages, when our minds were just developing. For me, personally, it caused me to have severe depressive disorder, anxiety, Post traumatic stress disorder, BPD and severe trust issues. As a teenager I was sent away to love with a distant relative in the hopes it would cute me of my depression. Due to my life experiences I also found myself homeless on numerous occasions, with poor coping mechanisms and nowhere to turn. I found myself in an abusive relationship as an adult, as I did not believe I deserved anything better than what I knew. Than what I was shown growing up. After two years and two hospitalisations later as a result, I was able to break free of the abuse. I have suffered extreme health issues as a result of all that I have endured and have been hospitalized more times than I can count. I have sought councilling, psychologists, been medicated, hospitalised, you name it. I've tried it all in an attempt to overcome the trauma that I have built up in my lifetime, to no avail.

However, recently I was offered a place at the excellence academy for healing. A 7 day long intensive healing program designed to unravel trauma, rewiring brain patterns, heal ailments, and improve quality of life. The only limitation is the cost. The cost to cover the intensive therapy is $5,000. Money that I just do not have. I am hoping to raise $3,500 of that amount to secure a place in their program that commences on the 17th of March. I understand that we all face alot of challenges in life, and I am no more deserving of your donation that the next person, but it would mean the world to me to be able to attend this program and change my life for the better. Any donation, big or small would help me more than you could possibly know.

If you have gotten this far and you feel compelled to make a donation to my cause, thank you, thank you, thank you. I cannot express my gratitude.

If I am able to attend this life changing therapy program, I will be writing a blog post with pictures to showcase just what you help me to achieve.

I'd like to end this with a quote from Ralph Waldo emmerson:

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us".

Thank you for your time xx