I finally decided to change my life and I hope I have your support to finally be happy and at peace with myself.
I am an international student of 25 years living in France. And since the year I came here, I have not managed to get a friend to share moments of doubt or joy (moments that I have not experienced much for past 6 years).
At the beginning, I thought that maybe it was because of homesickness and being away from my family. Over time, I realized that the problem was quite different. But which one? I did not know!
In fact, whenever I managed to talk with others and hope to create a friendship, these people stoped talking to me overnight and then ignored me completely.
This situation continued the years that followed. I then thought that maybe I was not made to have friends or be happy. I then plunged into a depression. I had no desire of doing anything which has resulted in various failures including academics. I avoided interacting with people for fear of rejection.
AND the turning point came in late 2011, when I saw in the news that a young person had committed suicide in his apartment due to depression due to loneliness.
I told myself that if I continu like this i would be the next. I told myself that I was still young, I had a lifetime ahead of me and that I should forget the lost five years of my life in which i tortured my self and felt sorry on my fate. I must act to finally live like people of my age.
So I decide to see a psychologist to understand what was happening in my life and what my real problem was?
Why I could not establish a relationship with others?
I talked with my psychologist for 3 hours and the diagnostic was:
-Lack of self esteem
-Always afraid of being judged by others
-Shyness-interpreted by others as arrogance or antipathy
-Tend to victimize myself in every situation (always sees the negative side of things)
And many others which I do not want to mention here because it is too personal.
Since my first visit to the psychologist, I took six months to find the money needed to finance the working sessions on myself. I only managed to pay three sessions which helped me a lot in the meantime because I'm a little more confident in myself and in my future and I fared better in my studies.
But it has been 5 months now that I have stopped treatment due to lack of resources. It is for this reason that I turn to fundraising to continue and finish my treatment (hypnosys).
I hope I have your support to finally change my life and be at peace with myself and finally be happy.
THANK YOU ALL IN ADVANCE :)
PS: Comments are also welcome because there's nothing more encouraging than a few words of support and encouragement