I’m in my twenties, but I still haven’t recovered from the trauma I have after being bullied in school. I have always been the shy, quiet kid, didn’t look for trouble… I guess that made me a perfect victim. Unable to fight back, sensitive.
I’ve been mentally and physically abused since I was 10 years old. At the age of 12 I’ve started self harming and thinking about suicide. Every day at school was a nightmare, I’ve been told I’m stupid, ugly, worthless and I don’t deserve to live. I’ve had a group of classmates that were especially mean to me. One of them even told me that she noticed self harm scars on my hand and said I need to cut way deeper if I want to commit suicide...
I changed schools multiple times. In some it was ok and peaceful… In some there were still mean comments about me and my looks. To this day I struggle with self-esteem issues, but with help of psychiatrists and medication for depression - it’s getting better. I’m slowly learning to accept myself, but I can't stand one thing… My big, crooked nose. This one feature of me I can’t seem to approve no matter what I do. Some may say "just get over it", "stop thinking about it, you are an adult, focus on other things".I can't. When I look in the mirror and see it I want to cry, I hear all the mean things that classmates used to say to me in my head all over again. I re-live the nightmare of being bullied everyday because of my self-acceptance issues that I can't get rid of.
My life would be so much easier if I could make my nose at least a bit smaller, more straight. If I could look more normal, average… Blend with the crowd. I don’t dream about being a supermodel, I just want to finally accept myself and don’t feel awful looking at my reflection.
I’m raising money for nose surgery that will help to heal my mental issues, but I’ve realized I won’t be able to afford it by myself, or even with financial help of my family. That’s why I’m asking you, strangers, people who just want to help others. Even just a small donation is a step closer for me to get more comfortable and happy.
It may be "just a surgery" for some... But for me it's a medicine for my mental issues.