Need help please staying off SSI

Im a 46 year old man from just outside of seattle . I had to quite school in the 9th grade to get a job due to a very abusive father and help my mom financial. I worked in the timber industry for close to 30 years ds etting chokers at 16 years old scared to death but did it fir my mom and sister lster two sawmills shut down ot was like a punch to the gut . Ive had 2 major back surgerys 5 hand surgerys my knee drained of blood once a month and so many other injurys i couldn't keep count , I have constant pain and extreme weakness in my limbs i keep going with ice and hot coffee and the love if my family . Multipul doctors told me to stop working and go on social security and with a tear in my eye as i write this I REFUSE , until i cant walk at all Its not that i dont believe in SOCIAL SECURITY . Its that my Dad was on it his entire life as my mom worked her fingers to the bone everyday with a smile . He always acting as if it was a good thing , a cool thing to get free money . My mom died a few years ago of lung cancer the hardest working and sweetest women ive ever met she worked non-stop then on her very few days off and after shifts she would go visit people on hospice care. I was fortunate enough to meet abunch of strangers at her funeral they came up and hugged me telling me the storys of how she looked after people with end stage cancer . i was and am so proud of my mom and miss her so much it hurts she scrubbed floors at a bakery and baked almost 40 years , but my dad hes still healthy and on SSI he did other horrible unspeakable things also but im not getting into that . I would like to say one thing without getting into the hole horrible situation , if a child , family or not tells you someone is doing something bad to them and / or another child dont ignore it or push it onto someone else because by the time they've came to you they've taken weeks or months to work up the courage and in my case another child was harmed years later because noboody listened , i had 5 stomache ulcers at 14 years old and continued having problems into my 20s until i met a Angel sent straight from heaven my Wife , then my Sons just the best boys i couldnt ask for better we say "I love You" to eachother everyday , i still have ulcers but not as bad . I promised myself i wouldn't stop working or being productive until i couldn't physically get out of bed . I've had to quite a few jobs but do to physically not being able to do it and i felt horrible but im honest with them all before hand . Its hard mentally and physically , i spend alot of time taking a knee or down right in tears but im only 46 my wifes one of the hardest working nurses heck people i know her patients adore her i couldn't be prouder , we've been married 26 years and i love her more now then when we met , i refuse to put this familys entire finacly load on her shoulders even though shes ok with that but im sure all of you know 1 income isn't enough now a days per family and i would rather die then not be able to contribute . My 2 Sons 19 and 24 and the thought of them thinking im lazy is the worst thing i can think of , i tried to go back to another saw mill and the smell of the wood and sounds of the machines the coffee in the morning was amaxing , i missed it so much i cant even put it into words . Unfortunately i couldn't grip like i could before do to the hand injurys and hurt myself again not bad just a few broken toes i have pictures of them on my phone im on right now . I just need money to get a good on gas vehicle to start a delivery job or find a security job. But do to being broke and bad credit thanks to me getting hurt , i had to trade my good on gas motorcycle my only transportation for a car for my Son to get to college classes now i have nothing and cant walk very good at all for any distance or i wouldnt be here asking for help i would be taking the bus , so i need a ride from my driveway to a job or i would like to deliver goods and bring in some kind of income to help my Wife . I just need alittle help please we dont have the funds to buy another vehicle im a honest good husband and father . I want to keep being a productive person and again I understand and im not against people using SSI that need it godbless it being there for them , i just dont want to yet even though they say i should . I just dont know what else to do but ask hard working class Americans like me and other strangers from other wonderful places that i pray understand and can help . I am literally begging i dont want to let my family down and im have nowhere else to go ive tried everything , ive help a few people on Go Fund Me thats how i got the idea , i will do anything so you know im not a idiot trying to scam people ill talk to people over the phone , email whatever it takes im truley just a regular guy that has physically hit almost bottom but wants to be like most of you and just work i just need depenable transportation everything ive seen is between 4500 and 5000 that is depenable and safe . I would like to get just another Motorcycle there amazing on gas and thats what ive rode for over 25 years everyday just a travel type with bags , I figured if i can get 5000 people to donate a dollar , i can get to work again. If not atleast i tried the depression is getting as bad as the chronic pain ive tried everything offering to trade what little ive got to offer , i dont have man toys every penny ive every gotten goes straight into my family period if i didn't have to be asking for this of you my friends and i swear it wouldn't be happening. i dont know what else to do i refuse to roll up in a ball and not try ever since i was little things were stacked against me and my sister , but we always made the best out of every bad situation and this is one if them . Thank you all for atleast reading this and truely godbless you all for even taking the time if you can spare a quarter or whatever i would be forever in your debt , i hope someday i can help people myself again soon God still has plans for me yet i can feel it . I apoligize for the poor penmanship i hope you all were abke to read it. Thank you again. Anthony Emery Sr.