I have hit rock bottom! Usually I have a positive outlook on things but this has just become harder and harder with everyday that passes by.
Doing this is breaking me apart because I hate asking for help, or even sharing my personal information! Most people in my life don’t even know about this!
When I was 15 (5 years ago), I was a very active teen, I had regular school day then two volleyball practices a day. I was juggling school and learning how to play a sport so that I could find a scholarship and a way to get a higher education. However, for two weeks out of the month I was in excruciating pain. I would cry in the car before practices or games knowing I had to be strong and pretend I was okay on the court. Even with me coping through enough to be able to play volleyball, my grades were going down rapidly and I was having a hard time holding social relationships all because I was too exhausted from the pain or too depressed that this was my life (chronic pain) to even study. My parents took me to the doctor (gynecologist) because the pain was mainly before and during period. The doctor suggested that I went on hormonal birth control. At that point I had no idea how serious my disease was, the doctor said that the pills will make me feel like a new person and if those didn’t work that there were many more to try! They did not make me feel like a new person, but I was so busy with volleyball and school that I didn’t even researched or questioned her. As the time went by I lost my period due to the hormonal treatment, however to my horror, the pain became a daily thing.
I suffered from daily nausea, hot flashes, intense cramping, debilitating leg aches, vomiting, unnatural bloating, sharp consistent migraines, serious joint pain and lower back pain. Somehow, I managed to get a scholarship for playing volleyball in New Jersey (I’m from Puerto Rico). I left my family when I was 17 to start as a freshman in college, the routine was even harder and more demanding than the one I had back home and all the doctor did before I left was give me a higher dosage birth control to ‘mask’ my pain.
This diseases took over my life, my body was spread out too thin because I was dealing with this untreated illness and the pressure of being a Division I Athlete. It took all of me to keep a smile on my face and show up to practice and classes. At the end of the day I was nothing, drowning in my pain with no way out. Two years into college I started randomly spotting and the pain was full blown. I couldn’t even wake up out of bed because it felt like someone was actively trying to rip my uterus out of my body. It would be normal for me to throw up and I would lie to my friends and say I threw up because it was too cold or I was too stressed knowing that I was vomiting over chronic pain. I did not want them to feel bad, I still don’t want anyone to feel bad, but this has rocked my world.
The last couple of years have been a nightmare, not only has my daily pain gotten worse but my family was severely affected by Hurricane Maria, after that I had to leave volleyball, and after that my family and I were both affected by the earthquakes that struck Puerto Rico and now with COVID-19 I have never felt so low. My mother has now lost her job due to COVID-19.
I went to the doctors again, this time she told me that since I’m not playing volleyball anymore I should let her perform a laproscopy.
A laparoscopy is an operation in were they will burn and remove any endometrisis that has formed in my organs. The recovery is very extensive and the procedure is very very expensive.
I am already drowning in medical bills because of Endometrosis. My birth control is $800 by itself for 2 months... I have had 3-5 vaginal ultrasounds, 3 MRIs, countless physical therapy sessions. Even a lumbar puncture, which I suffer from psychology because I was botched by the doctors and developed a spinal fluid leak that felt me immobilized for days. Not to mention the bottles and bottles of pain pills that I have been prescribed that my medical plan does not cover.
Just when I thought that it was it, my wisdom teeth started hurting to the point where I was rushed to a same day emergency wisdom teeth extraction, they took away the 4 of my wisdom teeth and a very big chunk of my wallet as well... In reality all of my wallet.
I’m currently recovering from the wisdom teeth removal surgery and just when I’m done with that it’s going to be straight for the laparoscopy. I wish I could work but with the recovery time and my daily complications it is imposible to find a job.
It feels so weird to openly talk about my life because I feel like Ive been trying to hide all that has happened to me psychically and psychology but I can no longer hide the toll that this disease is causing on my mental and financial health.
I feel like I can’t breathe and I’ve felt like this for a very very long time... I loved live, I used to love food, I can’t even eat anymore, all I eat is chicken broth because it’s all I can stomach with how bad my nausea is. I can’t sleep thinking about how expensive this operation is and the fact that I NEED to have it or keep living like this EVERYDAY.
I ask that you look in your heart to help me, even $1 goes a VERY long way. I just feel so defeated, I want to be able to focus on getting better mentally but that seems impossible when the undeniable expenses keep piling up. I know life is unfair and extremely hard and most people right now don’t have the extra means to help, if anything I ask most that you read my story and think twice before calling someone lazy or dramatic over their pain. CHRONIC pain means CHRONIC! Please, even is you don’t have finances to donate, a share can get this to someone who does!
Thank you for your time,
And remember not to take for granted the little things!