My infertility story… help me fulfill my wish of being a mother

It has taken me 5 years to decide to share my story publicly. Close friends and family are well aware of our circumstance. I have never been apt to publicly display my vulnerability but as time is of the essence I feel there is no greater moment than right now to share my story.

I can remember the days of thinking about how I will tell parents that I'm pregnant! I have come up with dozens of ideas that were funny, cute, and creative. I remember imagining my child at 25 I turn 30 this year 2018 . I can remember thinking about how easy it must be to get pregnant since my mother and older brother had families by just 'looking at their spouse'. I figured it was going to be pretty much the same for me. I always just figured that my story would be simple and easy but the months came and went and still no good news arrived. I did everything we could for nearly three and a half years until finally, I was faced with the IVF option after going much reading about it I thought this is it till I saw the costs of it we are talking 45k-50K and as a single 29 year old working in a call center for a bare minimum wage, I need serious help to fulfill something that should come naturally.

I have tried everything ovulation kits, apps like glo that track my ovulation.So I decided we needed to see a specialist. I tried artificial insemination seeing as though it was more affordable at 10k but it failed. I went home prayed and fasted for months

I have found an amazing doctor in Cape town South Africa.I finally feeling like we were going to get somewhere and I was feeling extremely pleased. I was asked to come in for results and that's when the bad news hit. I was told that I have a slight thyroid imbalance. Nothing that would effect getting pregnant but it could effect the pregnancy and chances for autism or down-syndrome had greatly increased. Then my doctor went on and toldme that I have this thing called degenerative ovaries. Basically my ovaries are 40+ years old and I most likely won't be able to conceive at 30 So IVF is mynly hope for conception. Approximately 85-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures. Fewer than 3% need advanced reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF). ( www.asrm.org)

Hearing news like this is like getting stabbed in the heart 100 thousand times. I felt hopeless and rushed. We hated having a timetable in my life I cried for days. The pain just got worse the more reality sank in.

So here I am 5 years of infertilityt and no funds to fund IVF

My daily life has been more of a struggle for me than I imagined something is missing I am constantly finding ways to fill this void by taking quick weekend trips and finding ways to serve others. Dedicating my time to other causes has been the most beneficial because I have found extended comfort from others dealing with different trials.

I'm tired of hating Mother's Day because I feel like I don't deserve the gifts and flowers. But I do because I am a nurturer and a loving woman. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and seeing others not know how to react to my situation. I am ready. That is why am here, to ask for help and to share my story for hope for others and for me.

Kind regards,

Modiki