My Abuse story

When I was born my parents did not want me and I was born blind. So I went to live with my grandparents. Well living with my grandparents I had a lot that made me happy, I had a lot of friends and things to do at home that made me happy but after 1st grade my parents took me to go live with them which highly effected me. Even when they took me to go live with them I remember kicking and screaming as we went down the driveway. The time I lived with my parents I went through physical abuse which I ended up almost failing 2 grades. I remember waking up to belts coming at me by my dad and I remember my dad punching my mom. luckily one day a teacher found bruises all over my body which I got taken from my parents and went to live with my grandparents again. My parents were punished and everything through child support. Though I'm not sure they were punished enough. Even though I was born blind I had a also had a surgery 3 days after I was born to barely open my eyes. The only affect this had was affecting my learning because it was hard to see. As i got older I did have surgeries to open my eyes more.

Well when I went back to go live with my grandparents I started doing well again and made a lot of new friends in elementary which took a bit for me to become happy again. Well fast forward to the end of middle school my grandfather got into a lot of drama with my sister and mother that changed him in my opinion not sure if that's what changed him or not. Well he started emotionally abusing me, my sister and my grandmother through high school and after.

I graduated high school in 2011 so the emotional abuse mainly happened from 2007 to 2011. What my grandfather did was he would yell at somebody every like every other day for something they did or how they did something. Every time I felt happy I would get yelled at like it was wrong to be happy. My grandfather did not like me having friends and would always tell me they would not be friends with me after high school. When we would eat there was always a problem with how we eat or the way we eat. We would always be going out to eat or getting fattening food kinda feels like there was a reason for that I don't know. Lastly the only time we were allowed to be happy was either when we were doing what my grandfather wanted or when we where going somewhere.

What I ended up doing to get through all of this is I would stay in my room and try to avoid the abuse as much as possible. I ate once a day for 2 to 3 years to avoid drama. I was scared to brush my teeth because the bathroom was right where my grandfather was always at and I noticed every time I went in there he would say some negative comment. I would play games and meet new people online which help me avoid the abuse. I was scared and terrified to leave because every time I did I would either get yelled at or treated like crap.

My sister has highly been affected by the abuse as well. She tried committing suicide twice and she does a lot of drugs to avoid the pain. Also she made friends with other people that does drugs because she feel like they're the only type of people that understand her and what she is going through.

The affects of all of the abuse I've realized is going through high school I did not get to think about what I wanted to do in life, my brain did not develop normally, I have bad teeth that give me a lot of pain all the time, I have hypoglycemia, I believe I lost around $7,500 after being forced to go to college which I was not ready at all for and I went through depression for 3 years after moving in with my mom because I was not trying to avoid the abuse anymore or going through it anymore so I got to think about it and understand what I was going through.

In 2019 I contacted domestic violence hotline. Which lead me to reporting all this info to end up being told that there is nothing I can do about it because it's not happening to me right now. I also tried going to a homeless shelter to try to get away from my toxic family or toxic environment. The one I ended up getting sent to has a very bad ratting. It has a lot of reviews that there's something shady going on there which I felt while I was there. There was people selling drugs there. It was very hard to sleep because people would be talking on their phones at night I have a huge issue with this because I know sleep is important for remembering and learning new stuff. So it felt like I was getting manipulated. Also the people in charge seem to always be yelling at people so it did not seem like they were trying to help anybody that was there. I ended up contacting my mother and went back to live with her.

Well when I went to go back to live with my mother I talked to her about most of this and talked to my uncle about most of it as well. They told me that my grandparents abused them as well. I think they told me that they were made to work really hard on a farm and they would get beaten with a stick on the side of the road. Also they went through some of the same things I went through. I learned/realized that my grandparents did not really have any friends visiting them as if they pushed them all away growing up. I also know my great grandparents on my grandmothers side did not like my grandfather very much.

I recently learned that my grandparents own my bank account. I had no idea what a joint owner meant. It's possible they took money from me but i'm not sure. I had $10,000 before I went to college. I paid for some of the college even though I had some financial aid and I had a crash while I was in college that i had to pay for. I also bought a computer and games. Not sure if all that ended up being worth $10,000 or not. It's strange that they've not told me that they basically own my bank account. I told my mother and she sort of knew about this and we talked about getting me my own bank account so hopefully none of this will end up being a big deal.

Something I forgot to mention is I don't drive so it's hard for me to work. When I got into a wreck I realized that I struggled to stay focused while I drive. I zone out a lot and I have trouble remembering what I see in order at times. It's weird because I don't feel scared to drive but it's like I don't feel like I deserve to drive. I feel like I owe it to the person that I put into the hospital to become a better driver and because I don't feel like i can do that I think it's best for me to stay off the road. Also if I get into another wreck and hurt another person I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I think it's messed up that we can just get into a wreck and hurt someone and still be able to drive.

Now I want to talk about what I want to do with the money I get from donations. There is a new game that's coming out called new world by amazon that i really want. This game would be so good for my mental health right now. I'm gonna need a new computer for this because the one i'm using currently will not be able to handle it. This will cost me like $1,000 to do. For the rest of my money I want to invest it into phone farming which I feel like is a good way to set me up for other opportunities.