I need to get my daughter in an out-of-state residential mental health treatment facility. The longer she can receive treatment the longer she is separated from the toxic environment she is in. I need to arrange this in the next 4 months. In January she turns 17 and has already told me she will be a runaway. She is headed for so much pain. She currently attends a remedial school (sometimes). She has refused all treatment efforts. The local court system is impotent to help. I've had more than one police officer tell me "You've got your hands full with her."
She spends time with her runaway friends who have no jobs, no money, move from place to place and she thinks that is the life she wants. She smokes tobacco, marijuana, and drinks alcohol; all provided by her older friends. We have had the police to our house on two occasions because she has gotten violent. She has been to out-patient drug therapy and anger couseling.
She has so much anger inside her and the thoughts that are inside her head are total fiction. I do not look forward to each day. Constant friction, constant stress. The poison that comes out of her mouth is incredible.
The money I am looking for will be used to pay for a residential mental health program. Most of these programs are from 60 days to 10 months and cost $400 per day. The goal of these programs is to remove the substance abuse, stabilize the ADHD, and work on helping my daughter make good decisions about her life.
I have hired an education consultant who has recommended a 60 day wilderness program to break her down and then a 6 to 9 month residential health program (which includes school). My daughter cannot return to our current location so I will be making arrangements to move to a new location before she returns.
I have cashed out her college account and my IRA. The amount needed is more than my gross annual salary. It is not fiscally prudent to do this but if we don't, she has no future.
This brief description cannot convey the heartache that drugs and bad friends has put my family thru. Please help if you can. Thank you.
The following is background information we provided our education consultant:
Jane has 2 older brothers, Joe, 21 and Sam, 19. She has a very poor relationship with Joe. I don’t understand her. She had had a good relationship with her maternal grandparents, particularly her grandpa. She adored him but he passed away from leukemia in September of 2008. He was the great family mediator. He was able to see everyone’s side and help her to understand. He always had a calming effect on her. He never got mad at her and she always felt he was on her side or had her back. Her relationship with her grandmother has deteriorated since his death because she sees her as too much like me, judgmental, expecting, and disapproving.
Jane had two very good friends in middle school, they are no longer friends because of the things she is doing. She has since attached herself to a group of friends (ranging in age from 15 to 25) that have no jobs, may or may not be in school (if they are get bad grades), do drugs, drink, smoke, disrespect authority, are not involved in anything constructive, have children out of wedlock and are encouraging of the go nowhere lifestyle. Her dad and I don’t understand this lifestyle or attitude, several of these kids are 17 and don’t live at home. She thinks this is great.
-Academic history (including any LD dx)
Jane has never been a straight A student. She normally gets C’s, D’s and B’s in her core classes. She had a love for art and easily gets A’s in art, although those grades have fallen some in the past year and she has now lost her interest in art. Jane hates to read and finds it very hard, so English has never been a strong subject. She used to do well in math but had a horrible 8th grade math teacher and now does so-so in it. I think part of her problem is when a teacher tries to keep interest in the class and they will jump around as they teach their subject. Jane (being very ADHD) then will lose focus, become lost and then give up and lose interest. I think she sees it as too much effort to figure out what is going on. She has repeated told us that in January she will turn 17 and she will be dropping out of school and moving out of our house.
-Substance abuse history (any and all usage or experimentation including time frames, amounts, frequency)
We think that her use of marijuana started in January of 2012 as a social every now and then use. She experimented with huffing in March of 2012. Almost overdosed on parents prescriptions during this time. Sometime during this past year she also started drinking alcohol with friends. She is now drinking and smoking both cigarettes and marijuana to punish us or to shock us, but it is becoming a habit.
-Treatment history (hx of counseling including timelines and specifics about those relationships)
She got into a fight at school in April and started seeing a counselor that was provided by The Family Court, that counselor quit after seeing her about 3 weeks/ 2 times per week for reasons not related to Jane. She was just beginning to trust the counselor and the benefit of talking to someone about what was bothering her. Another counselor was assigned, saw her twice, this counselor told us about the huffing and got her assigned to outpatient drug treatment. She went there as an outpatient for about 3 weeks. They said that since she had been clean the whole time that they felt her biggest problem was anger management and recommended us taking her to someone that specialized in that. She never developed a relationship with any therapist at the drug treatment and would tell us that all they did was try to antagonize her.
We found an anger management counselor and she saw him for about 6 weeks. She quit going because she blames him for a decision that we had made that she didn’t like. She was just really beginning to open up to the counselor when this happened and we are working on getting her to agree to go back to him.
In late August we called the police because Jane in a fit of anger threatened to kill us and then kill herself. We took this as an opportunity to get her admitted to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. This was no help to us. She was there for 4 days and the doctor told us she needed to be on ADHD medicine and mood stabilizers. The hospital refused to force her to take the meds and she refuses to take any medicine. (she self-medicates with tobacco, alcohol and marijuana)
In mid-September, after an appointment with the anger management counselor she got mad at us for refusing to let her spend the night at a house with no parent supervision. She broke her cell phone, beat the back of our seat in the car on the way home, and thru things and slammed doors going into the house to her room. We called the police again and the police had therapists sent to our home. They talked to us and her and tried to help us find an inpatient treatment center for her but there were no beds available at the time, she calmed down and we decided to wait and look into other options.
-Hx of self-harming behavior/hospitalizations
In April she started cutting herself. Nothing requiring medical attention but it was enough to concern us. She also burned herself with a cigarette because she was angry with a boyfriend. She continues to cut herself when she is angry with us.
-Medications taking currently None
-3-5 most significant issues needing to be addressed
She needs to take ADHD medicines to help her focus. She needs to make completely new positive friends. She needs to see a positive future for her and have a plan to get there. She needs to get off drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. She needs to have confidence in herself.
-Interests and attributes
She only seems to enjoy smoking cigarettes, smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol and hanging out with her friends. She likes animals.
-Word list, both positive and negative (don't hold back here, I've probably hear most everything)
Rude, shocking, inconsiderate, demanding, bossy, unwilling to do anything that she does not want to do, artistic, social, foul mouth, mean, impulsive, impatient, smart, fun, pretty, loving, generous