First of all thank you for clicking my link, even if you're just here to learn about what's going on with me, I appreciate it. I don't feel it's right to stay silent anymore after what has been occurring to me.
Tdlr: I was recently threatened with assault from a member of the household I'm staying at, which is unreasonable and unwarranted, and it has left me with an increased amount of symptoms towards my PTSD, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), Dysthymia (depression), and other physical ailments. It it no longer safe for me to live in this area as it is detrimental to my mental and physical health, which has been deteriorating the longer I stay here. My spouse will be helping and ensuring we can move safely to an apartment with friends who will keep us safe. (They know of previous information with my original family, and now the people we were staying with.) They will keep us safe.
I used to live in Texas and had recently moved because at that time, my fiance opened my eyes that my family was abusing me. I was being taken abused mentally, emotionally, verbally, and it was going to turn physical. I was scared for my life and was dissasociating very badly after hearing the threats. My then fiance was there as well when this was "spoken" to me. I was still a college student at that time, and fiance was working hard to get us our own apartment until the abuse was getting to be too much. (I was also being stalked at college by someone who had almost raped me, my mental stability was on the edge) I was also experiencing extreme pain in my abdomen/stomach that wasnt being looked at seriously too. This goes on to later affect me still to this day where it leaves me unable to function.
The other family opened up their arms, saying it would be a safe place for us to go to. We planned our leave in one week. Moving all the way from texas to Georgia. I was so glad to be out of the old house, but little did I expect things to start turning sour over here too. A couple months after we moved, I started to realize and see how bad it was back there. I was having vivid flashbacks and anxienty attacks. It got to a point too where I was too exhausted every day from what had happened to simply function anymore. We still did our best to keep on working, to find a job out in this place in the forest where the nearest city job is an hour away. A year has passed and I'm starting to sort of improve, but that progress is then halted by passive aggressiveness from "family" members. We got married because we were fiances for too long (about 3 years), if we didn't, we would be out on the streets. We did this to appease the heads of household, not that we didn't want to get married, but would have preferred it was in of our own accord. After this happened, found out the small community here was quiet racist towards others & ableist. My mental illnesses were dismissed a lot and I was seen as an issue. It didn't help that I was latino either in a very predominantly white community. Still a year later, experiencing culture shock...
I felt very alone and secluded, yet kept trying to work hard at what only I knew what to do, art. I make custom artwork, plush and cosplays, even made masks for a good part of 2020. The work I did was never seen as a "real job" or "enough". My spouse and I were starting to get judged & meet expectations by the people who said would help us stay safe. My spouse wasn't doing enough, even though he was working full time, and I was just the burden or extra weight that was added on, according to some here. I got sick very often as well, which added on more to the stress of us just "getting out and live your own life already". In 2020 I was also experiencing very vivid flashbacks because of a member here screaming at the top of their lungs rape and screeching. I ended up running our of the house and was gone for hours stuck in a flashback & so heavily disassociated. I came back afterwards, and it was as if no one noticed or cared, even though they did see me run out. That's just one very big instance, there have been others too where I was stuck in my room in flashbacks because of similar circumstances.
Just as it turned to september of 2020 I was so tired of the passive aggresiveness, I confronted the main individual who was doing it to me. I asked a simple question, not with my voice raised or anger in it. It soon turned to them yelling at me and invalidating my mental illnesses, my physical disabilities/illnesses, them saying how much they wanted to harm me, saying how much they wanted to pummel my face in, whilst doing hand motions. My spouse also present and listening to every word being said, ready to protect me in case it escalated more. Other members too heard this, and did nothing. They said that they hated that I married their sibling. That I was a mistake, that to them I'll never be a part of the family. And much more cursing involved. All of this unwarranted and unreasonable. They even brought up how I had supposedly cheated on my spouse, which had them yelling back that I, "never cheated, how I was almost raped in college." They were trying to find any excuse to have their hatred sound reasonable.
After it happened, I was numb, but inside I was sobbing and crying, "its happening again, its happening again." Is all that would go through my mind. I told my old friends what had happened, and they said they wanted us to move out asap. I wanted to move out asap too, it was no longer safe here. This wasn't the safe place that they claimed it to be. This isn't a safe haven.
I've been having very vivid disturbing nightmares of being assaulted & harmed one way or another, more heavy dissociative episodes and more panic/anxienty attacks, even more intrusive & suicidal thoughts, I need mental health support, but we can't do that right how in this place. Unless we leave, nothing will change for the better.
My spouse and I have been doing our best to get as much as we can packed & funds for a moving van and gas money & etc. We plan to move in around 2 weeks now. Our friends will be able to help support us, but we still need some help with this move. Thank you for reading, and I hope you will be well and safe.
I keep counting down the days until I can maybe finally be safe too.