More time for my mom

My name is Marius and that's me and my mom in the picture. Well, me when I was much younger, tired and very poorly dressed, and mom going on her first plane ride. Me and my mom don't have that many photos together, because we both probably don't like having our pictures taken. But there's also a reason why I chose this one: it’s from a time when having my mother by my side was very important, even though I didn't see it that way back then. It was a time of great pain for me, but now I realise that maybe she suffered even more than me...

Because that's my mom. She doesn't like to see you suffer and she always knows how strong your pain is. She can feel it. But in fact my mom is the strongest of the family. And now she's losing that strength to cancer. In November of last year she found herself in the waiting room of the emergency room of my home town, where she spent 6 hours in excruciating pain before anyone even looked at her. It was only in December that we managed to get a final diagnosis and only after jumping through many hoops did we get her on the best possible treatment. That was on Christmas Eve. And we took her home on the first day of Christmas. It's been a very bumpy ride ever since…

I’m now forced to ask for the help of anyone who can offer it. She is on a combination of immunotherapy and chemotherapy at one of the best oncology clinics in Romania. The medication is supported through the National Oncology Programme, but we do pay for some of the hospitalization from our own pockets, since this is a private clinic. And there have also been some complications lately, for which we’ll have to pay separately. We’ll very soon be running out of money, since the complications are keeping her in the hospital for much longer than we thought. We won't have enough left to pay for future treatment sessions. Especially because this is happening during the COVID-19 epidemic. My mother no longer works obviously, my father has less and less clients (he is a carpenter and my mom is a taylor). And I can only support very little of the costs.

You might ask why we didn't go to a state-run hospital. We did. We tried. They didn't even give us the possibility of a treatment that would actually help her. They just said it’s palliative. And they told us that we should come back in January when we called back in December. Even though we had the final diagnosis and even though it was very urgent. And even if we wanted to transfer her to a state hospital now, the transfer is near to impossible because of all the red tape (bureaucracy in Romania is impossible). Not to mention the fact that there are so many restrictions imposed in all hospitals because of the coronavirus pandemic.

I wish I could afford all the costs myself. And trust me, I'm ashamed I can't. I work in marketing and communications for the book industry and have a very decent salary, but because of an entrepreneurial blunder from 5 years ago, I'm still in debt and trying to recover. Most of the medical costs have been covered so far from my parents' savings. I can’t even begin to explain how much of an idiot I feel, but right now that really doesn't matter. I’m trying to do my best in getting her the best possible treatment and medical care in the fastest possible way, because time was never on our side since we found out that she’s gravely ill.

I would do anything for my parents, and my mother is more important to me than anything in the world at this point. I know it's a very hard time for everyone. I know this global crisis will leave a lot of unemployed people. I know that there are so many other people with worse problems. I know it will get harder and harder for anyone. And if you can donate to a better cause, please don't think twice.

But if you can help in any way, we would be forever grateful. I have no idea how we could repay everyone of how we could ever express out gratitude. But we will try to pay your kindness forward in the future. We just want to give my mother more time and get her as healthy as possible. We just want to be together and enjoy some moments that maybe we missed in the past.

Her diagnosis is one of the most common and yet one of worst forms of cancer: non-small cell lung cancer, with advanced metastasis of the liver and retroperitoneal adenopathy. She's neither a smoker, nor a drinker. And she's only 64 years old. She had been coughing for almost a year and even though she saw all sorts of different doctors in my home town, not one assumed that it might be something in her lungs. They took a couple of X-Rays and saw nothing, even though the tumor was very big. She saw two pneumologists and neither suggested that she get a CT or an MRI. Even though she had had cancer 13 years back and there was also a risk of it coming back. Back then it was cancer of the cervix and it was fully cured. This time it was something completely different, but that doesn't excuse the doctors being so incompetent.

Only after she got a debilitating pain in her side and went to the emergency room and only after I brought her to Bucharest did we manage to start piecing together a diagnosis. But a lot of complications arose along the way and it took us a month and a half of tests, two hospital admissions and many more doctor visits to have a final diagnosis and to finally get her on the treatment.

Because of recent complications to the liver and pancreas we had to stop her cancer treatment and admit her to the hospital before she was scheduled for next session, so that she can get corticosteroids and other medications to stabilise her. Only after that (which will probably take a few weeks in the hospital) will we be able to resume the cancer treatment and find the best possible course of action to move forward.

This will cost us more than 2000 EUR in hospital expenses (although we don't even know the exact sum yet and it may turn out to be even higher), which means we will be very close to our last reserves. And we need to continue treatment after this and there may be even more complications along the way.

I don't know that exact costs. The sum in this fundraiser is just an estimation. If we end up not needing all the money, we'll donate it to someone who is also in need and provide proof of it.

I don't know what else I could say except: please help us buy some more time for my mother. Please help is in getting her better, at least for a good while, so that we can be together again…