Help me live and my dream to make a mark on this planet

HELLO, WORLD. First of all, thank you for clicking. For safety reasons, my identity is a secret but other than that, you can learn all about me and my work at my blog (aka my world domination manifesto. The link is listed below). It's an introduction about the real me, my dream to make a difference in the world before I die and all my campaigns to achieve it. But I'm struggling to stay alive, let alone achieve that dream because some of my problems might kill me even before I can do anything. So, I'm raising this fund to help me stay alive and make my mark on this planet. My survival and the success of my dream depends solely on strangers' kindness because I have no one else to turn for help. I'm alone here. So, I would be eternally grateful if you could help me in any way you can. Or else, I'm dead. I will start off with my dream before going into my problems, so please read until the end to fully understand the depth the hole that I'm in right now.

MY DREAM

I always see the world and think differently. And I'm always been an outsider all my life. So over the years, I accumulated all these unique ideas and stories that I want to share with the world. There may have some benefits to them and the world might want to hear them out. I already ventured into an online t-shirt designing as my starting point. From there, I will venture into graphic novels, fiction books, TV & movie scripts, etc next to bring them all out. The slideshow above shows a few of my marks that I can afford to create for now. The rest, I promise you, will be even better. But you can the potential here. That I can do something wondrous with my marks if given the chance. Make a real difference in the world. I also will donate 10% of my profit to a variety of charities depend on the cause that I'm promoting. I just want to something important before I die and that I mattered. But first, I really need someone to believe in me and my dream. Because I need proper training from a proper learning institution to properly create the rest of my marks. All I have now are bits and pieces that I got from YouTube but there's only so much I can learn from it. 4 years of illustration course is all I'm asking. That way, I able to sharpen my skill, learn the trade and get my foot in the door. Achieving this dream means I can finally be able to get out from that hole that I'm in and give me a chance to fulfil the rest of my other dreams. Like, migrate to a country that doesn't persecute gays because I am one and I'm not safe in my current country. I have no future here either because I can't be myself, fall in love or start a family. These dreams are the only reason why I'm still alive. Hope. But it slipping away after so many years of trying and I'm running out of time because I'm getting old and because of all my problems.

MY PROBLEMS

1)Health - I contracted hepatitis b when I was a child. And there's no cure for it. Everything was fine at first because I led a very healthy lifestyle. But then, a few years ago, I started experiencing all types of pains all over my body constantly. Some are coming from my nervous system and I'm getting all these unexplained bruises, never healing bruises, swollen lymph nodes (armpit, back), red spots, itchiness, numbness, wrinkled, darkening toes' skin, low and weak urine output (despite drinking a lot of water), bowel problem, etc. It's like everything falling apart with my body at once and I'm not even sure how long I got. Also, I don't know if it's because of my hepatitis b or something else. I did a blood and urine test a while ago that ruled out UTI or diabetes (normal glucose level) but there were red flags with my kidneys (my ketones, creatinine, etc. were dangerously high). Unfortunately, there's no way for me to find out or do anything about it because I have no money and insurance (I could never afford it). So, part of this fund will go toward finding out and fixing it (if it's something else) or delays it (if it's hepatitis b). And as if that were not enough, I have another problem that needs immediate surgery. It's quite humiliating to say what it is even under anonymity. All I can say is that it will cause me excruciating pain, blood clots, infection, gangrene, sepsis and even death if I don't fix it soon. So, the fund will go for that too.

2)Danger - Currently, I’m being harassed by a bunch of drug addicts/hooligans in front of my house. I have tried everything but nothing is working. Asked them politely, didn't work. Confrontation will definitely end badly for me because one of them just come out from jail for stabbing his mother (on her shoulder, she still alive) and another one just went in for slashing my former neighbour's, a mute lady, throat (she too still alive). And the rest are just as bad too. Want to band up with my other neighbours but they are too afraid. Called the cops but they don't do anything. Besides, the first time they did came, these addicts fled, only to return when the coast is clear. And all I got from that was my house vandalized, urinated and defecated. I can't relocate either because I couldn't afford it. So helping me achieve my illustration dream, I will be able to afford to get the hell out of here. Also, the fund is for a cheap security system, for now, to deter them from loitering and doing drugs here and to protect myself as I’m living alone (I have to carry a foldable knife in my bag for the time being every time I leave my house).

3)AvPD - Growing up, I had three abusers (my father and my elder brothers) in my family and that did a number on me. Now, I'm having problems like Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), depression, to name a few. Also, it doesn't help that I'm abnormal too. It's like I don't know how to be a human. And I was born with mild macrocephaly and hydrocephalus. It's like my brain is always underwater and I get headaches whenever I think too much. And all these make me to unable to communicate like a normal person. Having a really hard time fitting in. I can't connect with anyone on this planet. It's like I'm alien. I don't even leave my house much nowadays because of this. And it's hard for me to keep a job either. So that's why if you can help pay for my illustration course, I will be able to support myself by working at home. I love learning and doing something that I passionate about will help me overcome my barriers easier and I can finally utilize my talents, show the world my marks (anonymously) and connect with people in my own special way. So, help me live my life the only way that I can.

4)Lifeline - I'm ashamed to say this but I'm failing miserably in life. I think I am cursed or something. Because everything that has happened and is happening to me feels like they are spiralling me toward my humiliating crash and burn demise. Hurdle every step of the way making everything harder than it should be. Problem after problem and I'm drowning in them. Everything has always been against me since I'm born. Never had it easy. Never had any break. And everywhere I go, every phase of my life, I always get people who make my life harder than it already is (abused by my family or those addicts, for example) even though I always keep my head down, keep to myself and never disturb anyone. Trouble finds me wherever I go or whatever I do. And shits happen to me always. Physically, my body’s list of problems keeps adding up since I was born and now is in grave danger. Psychologically, I'm a damaged good because of my abused past and my abnormality. And nothing I'm doing so far to fix any of these is working. And worst of all, I always alone. No one to turn to for help because of my inability to make a human connection. And no one can see or hear my scream because I'm a nobody. And all these are giving me severe depression to the point of suicidal. Because I can’t help but feel like I'm not supposed to be here. And all these are actually signs from above, trying to rectify that mistake which is me. And the little voice in my head keeps telling me that it only gonna get worse and that I should end it now before I hit the ground hard and that the only solution to all of my problems is death. I tried to keep them out of my head but it's getting harder every day because there's no more strength or zest for life in me anymore. Even a small simple task feels like a herculean task nowadays. Sometimes I can't even wake up. It's like there is a huge boulder on my shoulder all the time and all I can do is carry it and do nothing else. I'm not living at all. And I fear, one day, not too far off, I will not be able to do that either and it will crush me to death. So with no pride, option, will, zest and energy left in me anymore, I am asking you, a complete stranger, please help me before it's too late.

GOOD SAMARITANS

Sorry to lay all these on you but I been carrying them for a very long time and I need to tell someone that I can't do this anymore on my own but I have no family or friends. I have no one to turn to for help.

The Goal

Is to get $40,000 for me to get out the hole that I'm in, to walk on the above ground again and be on my way to making something out of my life by showing the world my marks and making a difference before it's too late.

The calculation:

I wish I had the money or some other way because this is making me feel very inadequate, asking people especially strangers for money but I already did everything that I could myself.

Your help

Donate even if it's a dollar. If you can't, at least share my campaign. Or even better, buy my apparel instead? (they look nice, given my lack of expertise). But whatever help you can give, I thank you from the bottom of my heart because you have no idea what it meant to me and how your action saved my life. And I promise you this, I will repay your kindness or pay it forward someday, somehow.

Twitter (Follow me here as I bring out the rest of my marks. Also, there's a special tweet I made for this campaign that you can retweet for me)

Tumblr (aka my world domination manifesto)

Store (Check out or buy my apparels here)

Instagram (if you bought one, take a picture, post and tagged #millionsofmarks so I can live vicariously through you)

*Sorry, no Facebook. My marks touch on social and current issues. So, they banned me*