My goal of raising $1,500 to coverup my self-harm scars before my 21st birthday, on the 17th of June. I grew up in a dysfunctional family that was abusive and broken. It all started when I was really young, and my dad was never home because he works in another country. That turned into an affair, and then a suicidal mum at the age of 12. My mum was neglectful and short tempered, and would lash out on me whenever she's upset. I would get yelled at, slapped in the face, and hit by broom sticks and hangers. I ran away from home at the mere age of 13, and slept around in strangers' homes that I had met online. When I came back home after months, I was met with more lashings, and was genuinely petrified when I saw a broken bed frame that my mum had planned to hit me with, but my aunts and cousin were present, so I was safe from that, at least. I was berated for making my mum worried, but no one cared enough to wonder why I had ran away.
I remember being really stressed because I had my PSLE coming up, but had to stay up all night to make sure my mum doesn't do anything to harm herself, while my dad laid next to her asleep. Watching my mum lock herself in the bathroom and slitting her wrists really affected me and that's where I learnt the euphoric feeling of cutting myself. It went on for a couple of years, until I was 17 before I really stopped. It took me multiple suicide attempts, and a long time to learn not to hurt myself just for the short rush when I'm going through an anxiety attack. It took me cuts to my face, from my brother punching my face in and breaking my glasses all because he was angry and decided to lashed out on me, and having my mum lie and coverup for him, to realise that these people WILL NOT decide my value and bring me down. I will live life better than the living hell that they've created for me.
But I'm tired of having to cover up my arm, and having people stare at me. In Singapore, mental illness isn't something that many people are very understanding of yet, and is still seen as a stigma. It's so tiring having to hide a part of myself, and especially tiring to be ashamed and reminded of my past, and the bad feelings. I've been told that I'm useless, that I'm ugly, that I'm not enough, that dad will never love me and I hate that these scars reflect those times, and those words. I've considered laser, but it's really expensive so I really want a beautiful piece of art tattooed over these ugly scars. I want to be able to finally show my arm in public. It sounds stupid, but I've been wearing an arm sleeve ever since I was 13, and I'm almost 21. It's been almost a decade, and I still can't live the way I want to.
Please, please help me out.